No Honey; Not Tonight. Review on Choosing Gifts for a Wife

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Please take note: I was planning to put this review in the'Common Sexual Problems' category but I could not since I have already written a review in that category. This is the closest category that I could find(in the sense that it pertains to marital relation). Please consider the above while going through this review

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'No Honey…Not Tonight!'

I was dumbfounded as I unbelievably heard those words. Did she just actually say what I heard? I guess she did. We were close to the day of our second wedding anniversary and never before had I heard those words from her. I kept looking at those silky black hair of hers which hid away any of her face that might have been visible to me had she been lying facing me. I was waiting for her to turn over and say that she was joking. But after a wait for about 30 seconds I knew that wasn't happening.

I let out a sigh, turned off the reading light and retreated to my side of the bed. I slid into the coziness of the blanket and stared at the slightly dusty fan that hung non-descriptly from the ceiling. I had done that to her number of times myself…probably not saying so explicitly but just turning my head and going into deep slumber. Didn't realize it felt so bad. My mind wandered to our first night together in the same flat. There was nothing in the house except a mattress, a blanket, a TV and a few kitchen utensils. We had lit a candle and sprinkled some rose petals on the mattress. I had never seen a woman more beautiful than her in real life. That was the most romantic night of our married lives. I had never seen a morning more bright than what followed. Gods had answered my prayers for a life partner I had always wished for.

What happened then? I was reminded of the pinch that my heart had felt just a minute before. I knew that we now shared a bond that was unbreakable. We had understood each other well during this time, complimented each other so well and gelled together like a nut and a bolt. We didn't need to guess what a particular expression on each other's face meant, we just knew it. So why this longing for those early days to come back…?

This is probably an experience that almost all people who have been married long enough know about. Marriage is the sweetest and the most important relation that we have in our lives. Come to think of it and you will see how magical it is. Two complete strangers come together and devote their lives to each other. They love, care and protect the other one in all situations. But somewhere in the humdrum of our daily routines, that magic seizes to be obvious. The first to take a hit is the sex.

First few weeks after marriage you just don't want to get out of the bed. The rest of the world may go to hell, but you don't care. Public places are a total no no. If you do happen to be in one then God save those ogling people as you just can't keep your hand off each other. Then after a few months it comes down to once in two days and then probably twice a week. After a year and a half it has come down to a pathetic once a week. *(Disclaimer: Individual results may vary. Conditions apply *:-) Can the things get any worse?…Yes they can! This is one thing that has a linear equation with time and we just can't seem to help it.

I started reading the agony aunt columns in those glossy magazines which rave about how to pep up your sex life.

'Do it on the kitchen sink, do it on the floor, do it in the car….Do it anywhere but don't do it in the same old bed'. OK…that lasted 4 days…what next….

'Try some toys.'.ughhh! Not my cuppa tea.(those magazines are published in UK yaar! Try and understand).

'Be an animal'…which one?…I feel like a tame lamb. Will that work…:-)

'How about trying some of the Kama Sutra poses?' We did and  the doctor advised me strict rest for a week as those back sprains could get very serious.:-)

God damn it! 'What does a kabadi pay nowadays for glazed paper magazines', I asked my wife. She knew that the experiment was over.

I lay there awake in the bed late in that night next to the love of my life. It must be around 5 in the morning. She let out a soft moan, turned and grabbed me tightly, put her leg on top of me like I was a pillow, I stretched out my arm, she pecked my cheek with her eyes closed, laid her head on my shoulder and went to sleep again. Her face was innocent like a baby. Suddenly that pain left me and I found my heart overwhelmed with unexplained joy. I just could not help smiling. I drew her as close to me as I could.

The birds outside had started chirping and the sky was light pink. I realized that it was Saturday and we would be going out for shopping today. She would be sitting next to me in the car, we would be arguing as to which CD to play, we would have kachchi dablei on JM road, she would make me wait till eternity outside a ladies undergarment shop, we would huff and puff back to the parking lot with swollen polythene bags and then at dinner we would drive the waiter at Farshid's insane by ordering and canceling time and again.

The first rays of the sun lit her toe. It was a busy day ahead…who has got time for sex anyway….! I stretched the blanket to cover her bare feet.

My 2 cents:

Had marriages only been about sex, we would be changing our partners every year. Although it sounds cliché, it's still true that marriages are about love, companionship, dependence and trust which unlike orgasm will last a lifetime. In the eve of our lives, there would surely be a time when we won't be able to have sex and that is when you require your life partner the most. Chances are you will hear 'No Honey.Not Tonight!' at some point or the other, and there is no magic wand which will bring back that initial excitement, but feel blessed that she/he is with you which is what matters the most.

Conclusion

And for the sake of the god damn category I am writing this review in, I will conclude:

'You and your wife are the best gifts for each other. When you are far away from your wife sometime(like I am nowadays) all those moments spent with each other doing small daily things would all you will crave for. No material gift will ever come close…!'