This article is not meant to denigrate men or to put them down in any way. I swear all comments repeated here were made by real live people.
I hate to sound like a bollywood starlet, but I also swear the word ‘sex’ appears so many times here, only because the'script' demands it.
This article comes in response to the m2ms asking why I didn't write something on getting gifts for men in general, and husbands in particular. I don’t know how helpful it will be, as I can’t claim too much success in this ‘gifts for guys’ area.
One time I got my husband a beautiful calf leather briefcase, and he threw it out of his 3rd floor office window. He said there was a monkey sitting on his desk, and that he aimed for the monkey, but the briefcase missed and flew out of the window, onto the busy road below.
End of briefcase.
Far simpler, if he didn't like it, to return the blessed thing and exchange it for something he really wanted, but maybe he didn't want to hurt my feelings, hmmm.
I also found out the hard way that stuffed toys, romantic music CDs, everything scented, and anything even remotely sentimental doesn’t work
So, taking into consideration my own failures, I decided the best thing to do would be to conduct a quick poll among my married women friends. Here are some of their responses.
Friend A – I heard him say he really missed his boat after his ex took it away when they separated, so I got him a kayak. He’s used it only once in more than 10 years. I should never have bothered.
Friend B – His wallet was ratty, so I got him one from Mont Blanc. He said he liked the tri fold ones, not these bi-folds. He uses a bi-fold. He doesn’t know what he wants.
Friend C – He likes nice pens, so I got him one. He used it for 10 days, and went back to his old one. He doesn’t care.
Friend D – I gave him this beautiful painting by an upcoming artist. He said he loved it. I framed a poster for his office. He said he loved that too. He's so clueless!
Friend E – He travels abroad a lot on business, so I got him a lovely designer tie. He was upset I spent so much of money on it. Don’t know why I bothered!
Friend F – She just smiled. I probed a bit more. She just smiled again. Hmmm…
This wasn’t working out the way I expected it to, so I cornered a male friend known for his frank opinions and asked him what men liked and wanted.
‘It’s simple, ’ he said. ‘Good food, cold beer and sex.’ I bit my tongue to stop myself saying what I really wanted to, and asked again, this time adding that it was for a birthday gift.
‘Athaan sonnen ille, *(Hey, I already told you that earlier, didn't I) good food, cold beer and sex.’
Seeing my rapidly darkening expression, he quickly added ‘Ok, how ‘bout some gadget kind of thing.’
Yeah right, thanks buddy.
Back to Friend F, the only one who smiled at my question, and also the one who got seriously impressive jewellery on her birthdays, and every time she returned from her bi-annual visits to her mother’s .
‘It’s simple sweetie, ’ she said. (Actually it’s not, but I let it go) ‘Men are simple creatures. They like to feel good. You take care of the basics, and everything else is icing on the cake.’
‘Define basics.’ I persisted.
‘Good food and good sex.’
‘There’s got to be more to it, ’ I protested, but she just smiled.
End of discussion.
I went back to all those friends who were so upset that their thoughtful and sometimes very expensive gifts had bombed. ‘Tell me what has worked.’ I said and pushed till I got some answers.
What works
’He likes it when I show interest in his activities’ - Ok, cricket might bore you to tears, and hiking in the Himalayas might shred your manicure, but it does seem like men are thrilled to bits by their wives’ interest in the things they enjoy doing. A friend took up tennis because her husband spends his evenings at their club playing. It makes him feel good to brag that she did it for him, and the bonus - she doesn't count his beers anymore!
‘He likes it when I listen to him talk about his dreams, his goals, and work’ - I’ve heard this works even if you don’t fully understand the specifics. You’re showing interest, and best of all, giving him a chance to talk!
‘He likes it when I give him space’ - This, I think, means no creeper around the tree acts. They like to hang out with guys, and do stuff that has nothing to do with women, and sulking about it doesn’t do anybody any good.
That’s all very well, but wait – this is starting to sound like a marriage advisory column. And we are looking for gifts that can be bought/made. So if it’s tangibles you're looking for, here are some more suggestions
I'm talking about the principles of purchase here, not making a'top 10 gifts' list, so if you have come this far, and thought'God, this is so useless!' you're not going to find anything more that's dramatically different.
What else works
Anything to do with his interests- if he has mentioned something specific, go right ahead and get it. But if he’s a fanatic, or an expert (same thing!), don’t take guesses; let him choose.
Tools, gadgets and gizmos– no man can resist his toys; gifts in this category are limited only by imagination and money!
Something handmade- this includes a meal you’ve cooked, or anything you’ve put time and effort into.
Pampering - there's more to feeling good than food and sex; massages and spa time works wonderfully too!
Let his choice count - forget what you think he should like. Yes, once in a while it’s ok to give him a shirt in that boring blue he wants, even if it’s so obvious the purple is far nicer.
‘These men, ’ I heard friend after woman friend say, *‘they are so different from us. You get something for them, or do something thinking it’s is perfect, and it means zilch to them.’
Aha, now I see why the difference chasm yawns so. When we women say ‘perfect’ we means perfect according to us, * not *them. No wonder it bombs!
What doesn't work
Don’t even go near the stuffed toy, romantic music, or self-help book section of stores. They don’t care, esp not about books which try, in not so subtle ways, to improve them!
Forget sentimental stuff and anything that looks like it belongs in a Bridget Jones movie. However, it seems like candle-lit dinners work, as long as the candles don’t smell of vanilla or some exotic flower.
Girlie stuff just doesn’t matter – this means you just give the gift and forget the fancy paper and matching ribbons. The bonus is you don't have to worry about him not appreciating the hard work that went into the perfect wrapping!
One last word – Play it safe, keep the receipt- makes returns easier!
