.::A fabulous rocking, throbbing headache::. Review on Chalte Chalte -2003 Bollywood

Call me arrogant, call me stubborn, call me stupid or just downright mad, but even after a zillion people not recommending this film, I took a big risk of watching this flick and plunged in to torture myself. No, I didn’t have any expectations from this flick because the whole idea was to watch a three hour mushy-mushy frothy love story. And boy, was that an experience or what. No, this time around I have completely refrained myself from reviewing this movie professionally, and have taken the short-cut to finish this review as fast as I can.

5 Reasons why Chalte Chalte is one of the year’s worst film:

1.Story: These folks at Dreamz Unlimited (Aziz, Juhi, Shahrukh) call themselves creative, innovative and sensible. Can somebody please tell them that repeating (not even rehashing) a beaten-to-death plot on-screen can mean serious doom for their already bankrupt company (responsible for 2 more duds-Asoka and Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani).

I mean how clichéd can it get than this—Boy and girl meeting at an accident, they fight, rich girl is already engaged, poor boy runs after her and woos her, rich girl breaks her engagement, poor boy marries rich girl, they fight after marriage over miniscule things like shoes, poor boy goes bankrupt, rich girl asks money from her previous fiancée, poor boy gets suspicious, kicks rich girl out and after an hour of ‘tanhaayee’, they coochie-coo in the climax. Gawd!! What a story. I only wish I could get the hands of the script-writer, cut them and preserve them…after all, when has been last such an original plot written?

2. Shahrukh Khan: Is he the same actor whom I have loved for the past 5 years. Let alone decent, Shahrukh gives such a loud, hamming performance that Chalte Chalte makes you puke. And that he’s playing a role of an over-confused, over-stammering and over-expressive husband only fastens the rate at which the viewer’s nerves are grated. With no sensitivity in portrayal whatsoever, Shahrukh gives one of the most irritating performances, EVER!!

3. Direction: No, I am not against love stories (they are one of my fave genres) and even I believe that the caste differences and the financial disturbances do hamper a husband-wife relationship, but there has to be some sensitivity with which the subject has to be dealt with, and that Aziz Mirza (director and screenplay-writer) seems to have forgotten. As if the plot wasn’t enough clichéd, the treatment makes you wish you had carried some tomatoes and eggs while on the way to the theatre. Below are some of the sequences that’ll make you cough and puke:

·Shahrukh passing off as a truck driver and his ingenuine attempts at speaking Punjabi will have you clinching your fists. For the nth time, he has been named ''Raj''. Heights of clich-ism.

·The accident sequence and the consequent screeching of Rani looks absolutely contrived, artificial and boring (I mean you know that eventually they'll fall in love!).

·Shahrukh in the same flight as Rani and the consequent flight delay and faraway stopover et al makes you wonder if there’s even one scene that’s original in this 3 hour melodrama.

·The husband-wife fight sequences couldn’t have been written, directed and enacted much worse than this. You are quickly taken back to the ‘50s melodrama though sans any emotion. There's a party scene where Shahrukh gets drunk and insults Rani and Jas...straight out of Devdas.

·I seriously felt like killing myself seeing Johnny Lever passing off as a Majnu sitting at the road-side with a dog and singing “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge”.

·Finally the climax which defies all logic of time, stretching without any inhibition for a hold-your-breath 20 minutes, and all this when you know the outcome right from the intermission.

4. Dialogues: Who has written them? Or was there any dialogue writer at all? They said Rumi Jaffrey (who pens for David Dhawan’s films) has been roped in to jot down sensitive words. Doesn’t seem so. The actors seem to be blabbering on whatever they see around. For proof watch Shahrukh getting short of words everytime he apologises to Rani. As if this wasn’t enough, the helpless expression on Rani’s face (“Speak Shahrukh Speak before the shot is cut”) is sure to have you in splits.

5. Miscellaneous holes: Ah! So the songs have been choreographed, eh! By whom. Haven’t seen a more badly choreographed song than Gumshuda and what is this Shahrukh doing Kathakali in Suno Na? One eyebrow up, another down..A deft Indian touch!! Besides this, there is a serious lack of lighting in the Mumbai-shot scenes. There’s this unending drabness and dullness that makes you wonder the age of the shots taken.Also, there seems to be no editing whatsoever. The film drags and drags in the second half diluting the impact of the story completely and finally destroying it.

Mis-casting is another glaring minus point. Besides Shahrukh, there is Lilette Dubey, Satish Shah, Jas Arora (remember the music video—Gud Naal Ishq Meetha), Johnny Lever and a trillion other talented artistes who look like puppets just entering the frame, sleepwalking through their lines, and thankfully exiting.

So is there anything to watch in Chalte Chalte?

Now that’s a difficult question. But somehow Rani rises well above the script and delivers a decent, heart-felt performance. She hasn’t looked more graceful on-screen before and while Shahrukh is busy mouthing stupid nothings, Rani somehow manages to pull off the scene with dignity that’s so absent in actresses of today.

And yes, Chalte Chalte does have some hummable tracks courtesy Jatin Lalit and Aadesh Srivastava. Though I closed my eyes in practically all of them, so as to escape the torture of Shahrukh Khan. ‘Gumshuda’ and ‘Tauba’ are too good, while “Lai Vi Na Gayi” and “Suno Na” are quite pleasant as well. That said, all the songs have been so grossly misplaced in the whole movie, that it robs them of all their beauty. Propping up like frogs in a dirty pond, the toad amongst them is “Lai Vi Na Gayee” which stretches the already elasticised climax to lengths seldom heard of.

Should I end?

I better do that. Chalte Chalte is a film that stands only in one genre-nonsense cinema. Terribly directed, horribly acted and stupidly written, this one gives more headache than those Ekta Kapoor serials. Three hours of stinking rubbish is what aptly describes this flick, and is highly recommended if you really want to know how is it to be a prisoner.

….I just hope that you like this review…please leave a comment if time permits…