Sep 22, 2008 01:05 PM
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(Updated Sep 22, 2008 01:18 PM)
The aftereffect of the call floats on my face as a fear of some unwanted, unexpected, unwelcomed problem. All the encouraging lines fall flat on my face and all praises of being the most obedient son mocks at me. I don't want to step out of the room to face the frantic bunch of friends savoring the weekend party almost after 2 months at my place. None was invited when mom was here; she comes only for a month or two during summer. I like her being around and though the purpose of calling her is to give her all the attention as expected from an obedient son it happens vice versa. I have been an obedient son and I basked when applauded for it, though I wasn't aware of the consequence of being one. Sh!T , I feel like slapping myself for thinking this way, have I turned into one of those I hated and abused for being ungrateful kaput.
The beer mug waits to be sipped but I am fighting with my own thoughts, juggling between the image and self, between being selfish and obedient. Should I call Bro to check if he has already made his mind to take up his job in middle-east. But can I be so cheap to ruin his career because I am not ready to take care of mom-dad, not that they asked ever. I feel disgusted within but honestly I am not ready to bear the burden of looking after them completely.
My thoughts run the marathon on list of things I have to sacrifice to join back my family. I might have to move back closer to them, which mean convenience that Bangalore life offered is just a matter of days. It will involve being back at 6 PM from office, keeping the cellphone on even when I am partying. Party is out of question now, can't booze and face them, haven't ever. Don't know if I am ready for their endless question of what I am doing, planning, saving etc., Almost last nine years haven't stayed with them and have grown in a different way aren't sure of my patience level while dealing with them. Being answerable for things will be little too much to handle. Mom's health issues are manageable but keeping dad at one place and asking him to keep himself busy in home will be a tedious task. I am a little wary of my own capabilities to give up so many things at an early age of 26.
Felt like strangulating my neck for encouraging bro last month to think about his career and earning money. Never knew I am one of those fools who believe in dancing on the axe. I would have rather tried my own luck with opportunities abroad, I am sure no one would have stopped me, Mom-dad never did they always nurtured my dreams. I remember dad giving up on his necessity of buying a car for 9 years as I wanted my admission out of that small town. Not to forget Mom skipped her check-up that year because she knew it will lead to operation and that may stop my plans to continue my MBA. They never ever reminded me, they let me accomplish my dreams and that's how I am here with a highly paid job and can afford weekend's parties without swiping a credit card. The whole thought filled me with pride. Within seconds my mind rushed back to the base of the success story --- did I say "Mom and dad were always there for my dream" a feeling of disgust seeps down my spine and within seconds I prayed for forgiveness.
I step out and say cheers for my bro's success and share with pals my plans of returning back to my roots as its time to nurture them. I will go by my own funda of everything has a solution it's just that we need to be willing to do it. We need to do just the right thing and issues will fall in place. What does old parents needs from their kids.
A feeling of belongingness
Something to look forward too, something to live for
A respect and their advice in importance decisions even if you don't consider it later
Quite conversations over an evening tea
Their likes and dislikes their dreams. i.e. an ice-cream, a trip to haridwar
Probably a face of a lovely lass, termed as their daughter in law
Maybe a couple of grandchildren
A little support financially and emotionally.
The list appeared too miniscule in comparison to their efforts invested in me. I decide it is time to touch base. To convey the feelings this had enveloped my whole being. I might not be a Shravan Kumar but yet I can endeavor for being the one.
As the call go through I try to control my excitement. Finally we will live like a family again.
"Maa! I am sending the tickets, its time you and papa shifted with me. With Bhaiyya gone I would rather prefer you people staying with me"
I heard that stifled sob and a smile in the voice of my mother
"Monu ! Beta, you realize the fact that's enough for us. We cannot even dream of leaving the place which has belonged to us for years. Our blessings will always be with you"
I cajole and plead but Mom did not relent. There is no use talking to Dad for I know that would be his stand too. So I would rather go home to get them. I am applying for a loan for a bigger flat which will have a compound, right on the entrance, where I will see them sitting everyday when I depart and arrive. Its time I put my foot down and displayed the stubborn streak which I got from them only.
I have no idea about His Divine looks, but I can see His reflection in my parents for sure!
P.S: Don't Forget to check the Video attached
