BODYGUARD - WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK. Review on Bodyguard

I normally do not write reviews on movies - but so impressive was this movie that I am forced to write a review. Sallu plays a restrained role, but the muscle show is still on. Kareena hardly impresses in this movie. The slapstick comedy is simply pathetic. The movie drags along and the best thing that happened in the 2.5 hours was the INTERMISSION.

The opening sequence is awe-inspiring: Sallu Bhai, after the customary muscle showing title song, is in a local train headed north. Standing in the middle of a packed compartment he hears of a rescue operation for which his services are required. The rescue is in South Mumbai where some girls are held captive inside a container. Sallu hears this, just grabs a hanging wire and swings, tarzan style, to a passenger train heading the opposite direction. The stunts defy phyiscs, gravity and logic. He gets on to the express train, surveys the landscape with a grim expression, hands on his hips and espies a bridge. He then does a somersault and lands on a road bridge. His telescopic eyes show him the container terminal and in the next instant you see him sliding down the rails, straight into the baddies den. There ensues a fight between the gun toting baddies and our bare handed(wish I could say bare chested, but he wears a shirt - surprisingly) hero who single handedly thrashes all the baddies. Even Superman or Batman could not have handled such a fight with the guts and aplomb that our hero displays. You just sit back and admire the handiwork of our heroes. The only plus in the scene is that the stunts, though incredible, are fairly well executed for a B'wood film and the sound effects at this point is good. If you cross this stage then you enter the second stage of the story.

In comes the heroine in typical bollywood style, trying to work off her glamour and showing off skin. Scene 2: heroine is introduced, her friend is introduced, her father and the villain(in name) are introduced. What next? Yes, you got it right - Comedy. In comes a gigantic comedian who does not fit into a bus -a typical comedian - big in bran size, but small in brain size. A stupid comedy scene later action sequence 2 unfolds when a so-called comic misunderstanding results in a fight outside the heroine's home when the hero mistakes a few people for baddies and thrashes them.

Hero then gets the task of being bodyguard to the heroine whose life is threatened by the presence of the mysterious villains. Our hero promises the heroine's father that he will take care of her, come what may and then becomes her shadow. A light scene in the college ensues. So far so good. Then the story starts meandering - as it does in the Tamil version too - the comedy becomes slapstick, the hero's reaction to the phone calls becomes a bore, the action sequence #3 follows and suddenly you get the most welcome aspect of the movie - INTERMISSION.

POst intermission the story continues on predictable lines, heroine falls for hero, they sing duets to some lousy songs and supposedly sensuous choreography(all of which fall flat). The final climax has some amazing stunts where a partly blinded Sallu flies all around and uses the sound of the villain's footfalls on water to understand whom he is fighting. Man that scene is amazing - he starts the fight with a shirt, but soon he encounters a stream of water that sends his shirt flying - when the shirt flies off, you know that this is last scene and you tend to become happy. How many times have we seen Indian heroes be at the receiving end till such time they are hit on the face and their lips start bleeding. A small cut in the lips, our hero tastes blood and then he becomes maniac. Cant the villains avoid hitting the heroe's face or run away if they see a trickle of blood from the hero's lips? The shirtless superman flies and runs and flies and suddenly the villains are dead.

This drivel ends finally and after a poorly executed climax, the movie draws to a close. The music is nothing to write home about. If Himesh thinks he can get away with a Punjabi style song and lousy music, he needs a re-think. The music is loud and lousy except in patches where it is bearable. Otherwise this is a big let down. There may be hundreds of Sallu fans - to them I say that this movie is a disappointment in every right. This moview passes muster only because of Sallu and nothing else. The heroines have, but a small part to play.Comedy is slapstick and poor, screenplay is ok, camera is good in patches, stunts - to a certain extent passes muster, choreography is poor. U have the usual skin show, the sallu bod-show, the one line so called comedy. Not much in terms of masala which is a good feature considering the cast and the story line.

The verdict - the movie falls way below the hype. If u r crazy abt Sallu and dont care a damn abt the story or anything else, then watch it. Else, avoid by all means. This movie lacks direction, defies logic, tries the audience's patience and is drivel to the core. I am categorizing this movie as horror for the way the entire show has been handled.

Note: there are better ways to show off your body than through a brainless flick as this. I feel cheated of my money and am pitying the masses who spend hard earned money on pathetic flicks as this. Bollywood is churning out poor remakes and nonsensical plots. B'wood, Guys, please cut the drivel and come up with original movies and show your capabilities. Bodyguard is a misnomer - Sallu does not guard Kareena, he only guards his body in the first half of the movie before he throws off his shirt in the second half to catch the audience off guard. .

EMPTY VESSELS MAKE MUCH NOISE. Guess the noise in this movie caused many a fan to have a headache. Himesh's music is all noise and no soul. Need I say more