Dec 06, 2006 11:14 AM
8677 Views
Poor Me, Sob Sob!: I have been born unlucky, I guess! How else does one defend his case of having had to BUY his deo every single time in life? (Of course, that's discounting the number of times I 'took over' deos and after shaves which my NRI brother 'imports'!) Call it dehati chaap, or modest upbringing, I never could make myself go in for those high end 'thingies' which seem to attract fair skin (oops, now I am sure to draw flak for that choice of skin colour!) {at least in ads!}. One bottle of Denim Musk even adorned my shelf for 2.5 years! Now can you blame the deo for the after-effects?! If you do, then I must say, I have competition! I don't remember ever having been gifted a deo, after shave or such similar 'nice-liness' products. (Thanx, Sudipto again, for the '-liness' term!). Maybe it's cos I smell good even sans the 'spray', or that no spray is deemed adequate to 'protect' me..or is it 'protect' others?! But if I were to write an autobiography, I couldn't complain that this 'lack of protection' deprived me in life!! (Hic-erman, Saint, Daya...get the pic?!)Anyway, the long and short of it is that I am a rare buyer of deo sprays, and when I do, you could well find it there, growing old along with me (Was that Keats or Yates?!)
Enter Boob Tube!: (Again, thak, you, Sudipto! This is now becoming a regular feature, these TQ notes!): I still vividly remember the thin, scrawny dude who sprays the AXE, and causes the AXE EFFECT! (That reminds me, did Sir CV Raman spray on a Raman before he had the Raman Effect going?!) Build-wise, I was sure I could carry it off better, if ever I were faced with the situation of an 'effect', not that my wife would let ME handle it alone, anyway! So that left the counter...you know the one on which the dude keeps track of the number of 'stares', 'ogles' or 'effects' he caused, on a daily recurring deposit basis! I did not know where to buy the counter. So I let my moment of glory (to-be) pass, unborn!
Yeh Axe Mujhe De De Thakur!: No, I didn't borrow it from ThakurMAN! I went to 'apna very own' fauji Canteen, where I buy a thing with MRP of INR 110 for INR 78 and R.I.P! I had nothing to buy and I was wiling away time, one of those free afternoons, when Adi refused to meet up, citing either 'kidney', 'business meet' or 'Sensex' as reason! As every male (and female) eye tends to do, even mine caressed the corner housing the different bottles of Deos and After Shaves! There were multiple brands; some familiar, some not-so-much and some Martian (to me!). Call it absence of mind, or call it foolhardiness, but I picked up one bottle after another, trying to draw out the smell! A full 5 brands later, I realized that I was smelling the sealed bottles, and that the samples were in the shelf above! Doing a quick commando-scan of the crowd, I spotted only an old lady had seen the faux pas! Giving her my best 32 (thats a smile, in case you started thinking 'statistics'!), I saw that she had seen such stuff many times sover in her now-wrinkled, stooped over world! So with the air of a connoiseur, I picked up one bottle after another, trying out the specimen sprays on almost my entire arms, neck...well..almost everywhere unclad! Suffices to say I would have caused not just an effect, but a riot, had I come out into a crowd after that! Now, you can well appreciate the expertise with which I picked up the Axe Voodoo,as if I had been a life-long Deo-ficionado! Leave alone the smell (or is it fragrance?!), I wasn't in a position to even distinguish the bottle by the time I came to it! The only thing that ran in my mind was "It doesnt cost much, at 78 bucks!" and "Now I need to get the Counter!". Looking out at the mortal world around, which didn't have the effect, I noticed two girls at the counter looking me-wards! Wow! If that was what a sample puff could do, wait till I laid it on thick! Happy with the new 'property', I allowed myself an extra Hic that evening!
I Start Counting!: I did a quick count of my fingers the first time I sprayed that on, coupled with that 'tight, dashing' {I say so! lol!} T-shirt and Blue Denims. All 10 fingers there and intact. Will do for the first day; I told myself. I knew I could count 20, using the lines on the inside of the fingers, too, thanx to some 'shlok' counting in childhood! So there I was, ready to 'effect' the world and 'set the counter racing'.
Axe Effect: I sprayed, I went public (sounds like an IPO, eh?!), I walked, I ramp-ed, I craned my neck, I held my glass like Jackie Shroff and Adi Pandey, I smiled like Megs, I 'threw light', after lighting up for a friend, all while doing the repeats of 'Cheers'. Not one head turned, except mine. The latter, though, only to order for something, or, to count the missing heads which would turn to me, as per Axe Effect! The spray was called Voodoo! Maybe, it invoked only the 'spirits'! But despite the light head and hazy view, I still could count not one 'effect', alive or dead! I had come to the end of my wits and patience, waiting for 'female looks'. I decided to scout around for appreciative male eyes, or admiring noses! Zilch! I found my table-mates pulled their chairs a little outward. Whether it was to avoid puffing out their smoke into my non-smokey lungs or whether it was an Axian coincidence, I couldnt (still, can't) say! The smell/ fragrance was like bit flowery, bit syrupy, bit something-i-cant-put-my-finger-on!So went my first night with Axe Voodoo!
Nothing Official About It!:If 'after sunset' didn't respond, I would try out the day time! After all, the dude counted even in the lift, going up as well as down! So, I bade adieu to my ethics of not using such thingies during 'official' hours. I sprayed on, though a tad lower in quantum! The effect was spectacular! Unused to any fragrances doing the rounds in the kind of job I am in, multiple eyes looked - up, sideways, backwards! Wow, I had arrived, the Axe Way! Almost every conversation I had, debate I started, seemed to end real quick, and more often than not, my way! Whether it was 'Axe Effect' (and wanting to get away ASAP) or that Axe genuinely got out the best in me and the worst in others, I shall never know! But I definitely recommend you use it, when you need to 'quick-close" those deals, especially in borderline cases! Now, there goes out "Tip #1 for Corporate Success", from the guy who has never crossed the "Tea" of Corporate! (But of course, I have seen Bips doing 'some corporate stuff' with her opponents!). Anyway, most people doling out "Tips" in "Bestsellers" are anyway not the best and richest corporates themselves. So, why not?!
I am Done (For!): Are you seriously asking me at the end of all this "Do you recommend it?"
Honestly, then, I think, you need to go get that counter!
Mein to Samajh Gayaa,,,Aap Log Samjhe Kyaaaa??...
