Better drink at a baar!. Review on Aetbaar

Hello there my loyal readers. I am back after the briefest period of hibernation that I had to take after watching this flick! Though the most of u must have seen this movie or read the reviews and know what?s it about, I am just writing this review to entertain you purely (for those who really like reading my reviews) and hopefully evoke some laughter from you and refrain you from some anti-social activities for the time being?

I am back to my old love, which is to criticize yet another Bips movie! (for first timers...the previous Bips movie I criticized was Ishq hai tumse...if u enjoy this review...read that one too or if this review makes u feel like you swallowed a frog...pls forgive me and I shall pay for the damages done... (Not to ur throat but to the frog who had to be eaten out of boredom).

PLOT AND GENERAL COMMENTS (which I can't refrain from writing)

The plot of this movie is lifted from a Hollywood movie titled FEAR starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon which otherwise would have been commented as an ?inspiration? by the perdoocer and deer-ache-ter (producer and director for those who couldn?t pronounce properly). The director, Mr Vikram ?Btt? (read as the back part of your body from now on till the end of this review) should be whipped on his btt for directing such a sht of a movie. No wonder btts are associated with things that they excrete!

Mr. Bachchan, I know you don?t drink but I wonder what state of mind you were in while signing this movie. I understand there are a lot of debts you have to clear but such desperation is uncalled for. Anyway, Bips is the daughter of Dr Bachchan and Supriya Pilgaonkar who suddenly falls for her real-life lover Jaan Abraham. The first encounter is on a rainy day where Jaan zooms his bike and both of them keep looking at each other as if they forgot their dialogues or maybe they didn?t feel like talking but preferred doing ?something? else (notice the intensity of lust in their eyes and heavy breathing and sudden swelling of Bips ?uhhh?u know).

So, where were we? Oh yes?so basically the doctor loves his daughter very much and wants to save her from the obsessive Jaan who always says he will give his ?jaan? away if he doesn?t get her. Bips is smitten by his love at first but after his acts of obsession tries to flee away from his web of obsession. So that?s basically what the ?hole? movie is about.

Now, certain points noted by me and certain deductions. Those already bored reading till here can go back and eat more frogs or take a pee and those ready for some fun? read on!

ABOUT THE DIRECTOR AND MISDIRECTION

Vikram B*tt actually intended to make an erotic thriller with some ?hot? scenes with Bips and Jaan but I don?t know what held him back. It?s as if he wants to show intense sex all the time in all his movies but suddenly he becomes disinterested or maybe some censor board official haunts him on a rainy day in his wet dreams (maybe that?s why the real first encounter scene of Bips and Jaan was cut)

It would be better if Btt could be given an opportunity to direct a film in Pollywood (that?s the porn industry with pollies on wooden beds) and according to a small research I conducted I have found that the directors who don?t get to show their true feelings on screen enacted by the characters end up with premature hair graying and that?s what has happened with Btt. Maybe his heart is in between his legs.

PERFORMANCES

Performance by Bips is applaudable since she has the ability to make the audience to focus on her ?assets? and not concentrate on her dialogue delivery instead. Very few actresses of such caliber are successful in such ?acts?.

And what to say about Jaan? Somehow I felt that he wasn?t acting at all. He was showing what he will do in real life if someone takes Bips away from him. So the next time you Jaan-crazy girls read about Bips away from him or not in ?touch? with him, you know where to catch him for an autograph! Of course the grills of the lift on his floor since he would be banging his head till he succeeds in getting the real makeup for the movie ( the reason for mentioning this was for a similar act conducted by him in the movie when Dr Daughter-lover Bachchan is in a lift and tells Jaan to get out of his daughter?s life)

Dr Daughter-lover?s performance is as regular as the delivery of your morning paper. Nothing commendable. Supriya Pilgaonkar is better to see on idiot boxes. Both the doctor and wife are a mismatch but then you people shouldn?t forget that a doctor invests half his life in studies and when he finally sees wrinkles on his willy, he realizes that he hasn?t married and then marries a young woman as it would make those traditional and old-fashioned parents proud to say that ? Our daughter is the wife of a doctor? and make their chests swell till they burst out of pride. Kudos to casting director (whoever he/she is) to think so deeply.

MUSICAL DECOMPOSER

As for Rajesh Roshan, what music he has composed. Seems he recorded the songs dragged away from his sleep or maybe their target audience were the brain damaged monkeys of Africa who would rock to the beats hanging upside down and make Prabhu Deva envious. Listen to them only before you guys clean you ears or if you are diagnosed for excessive accumulation of ear wax and want to progress towards hearing impairment.

EXPRESSION

All in all, Aetbaar makes you feel to head straight for the bar and avoid coming in contact with any drinks which are named in association with the movie (e.g. ?John? so you wont drink Johnnie Walker etc). Worst, after heavy dosage of alcohol you might not even want to visit the ?john? (slang for toilet for those who don?t know) hahaha?and u can imagine the effects of that on ur bladder (not for those who like peeing in their pants)

Watch this movie only if you want to add something to your worries or if you want to work up an appetite for more drinking.

IMPORTANT ADVICE

Keep animals (especially dogs) away from this movie since they can associate much better to the animal in John Abraham (since all he wants is Bips and Bips only) as this may result in the change in the chemical balance of hormones governing faithfulness making them forget it instantly and biting their master?s most ?hard? part of ur body?(no guys! Its ur bone and they are everywhere in our body?what were u thinking???).