There is never an easy time for losing a parent; whether you're 5,15 or 50 when a parent dies, innocence dies with them.
I still remember Pa telling me many times.that when I was five he took me to his father's grave..........in..............CHOTA BAGICHA(OUR MANGO GROVE)......
My father had been sick for many years,(he had his bypass done in 1993)........ but was too stubborn to give in fully to the doctors advice.
He refused to be tended to, saying that he didn't want to "BURDEN" .
He was also tired of the experimental drugs his doctors kept trying to force on him that never worked as intended and always threw him to one extreme or the other.So, he fought 16-plus years for his health, his independence, and his pride, self medicating where he could, and simply "dealing with" the rest.offlate he was not going for his regular checkups
(and today I feel that why I left him loose .....should ve taken him for regular checkups.but then he was so stubborn)
I called Dad at middle of my tour from HYDERABAD...to find out how things were going. Sana answered, then carried the phone outside to him, where he was working in the shopfloor, extruding or with packing.(I never saw Pa sitting in the office..all the time he was busy with factory's chorus)
He was out of breath as he spoke, but otherwise sounded good. We talked for a few minutes about this and that, and then said goodbye.
He suffered a heart attack that day...been almost twenty seven dayz since we lost him, and it isn't much easier now than it was then. Life goes on, but there's always an empty place, a sorrow even on the happiest occasions....( RAMDAN MOON WAS SIGHTED ON 22nd of AUGUST.we missed you Pa...................but we wished you chand mubarek....................)
that he isn't here to share it with us. I miss him every day, but I am thankful that there is no more pain for him, and I cherish the good memories we made while he was here,with me........ Above all else, I thank God for granting us the time to say goodbye, and for giving my mother and father those last moments together looked..........................they were married for 48 years........& we were planning for a big celebration on thr 50th............
Now whenever I want to talk with him,wanting to be alone..with him for a few minutes, I go & sit down on a chair near Pa's grave and I..stare at the soil....trynig to figure out why ...what was the hurry?????...................., or when we are end with our factory hour......I go and sit on his chair inside the shopfloor.................................everthing is same all the tools hanging from the wall where he'd left them....his hand gloove still thr....his measuring instruments his quality control gadgets......... Those were the things he'd touched and worked with.,i am sure they would all have a sense of loss in a different way. This was where he'd spent his time alone,working.or thinking for his only worry uchcho khan.his spoilt brat................
I am still wondering that what was running through his mind while he worked? while I was away on my tour............(was away from 14th july to 28th july)
Did he miss seeing mummy...or my sisters or I?(PAa use to stay with sana & kids during my tour dayz)
I used to argue with him about that: I could have had a better childhood, with the family and friends to play in and explore.( I was put in the boarding house) But today I am convinced that he had never failed me ever somehow.
His thoughts are becoming my thoughts,now I am bracing myself to be the one.....BE THE WAY HE always wished from me........the way he expected..............love you
Pa
Next to the light switch in my office ve kept a photo of Dad doing something with his rubber machine.......... this is what I carry with me everyday to home..................................
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Yesterday...........I took my elder son Fahad to papa......the wave of sadness washed through me......................as he is 5 now.............and I took him to his dada......................
