I had decided to take a break from MS (for de-addiction purpose). However today I just remembered something and immediately felt an urge to express my feelings that have welled out of my memories. Today is 19th January and this is the date on which I had heard the three magical words - I LOVE YOU - for myself from someone (of opposite sex) for the first time and the last time in my life.
I am a Hindi lover. However perhaps these three words are the magical gift of the English to we, the Indians because asserting them is much more easier than expressing the same thing in Hindi or any other vernacular. Hence I did not mind the language though we used to converse in our mother-tongue, i.e., Hindi only. Moreover, the sentiment embedded in these words was above all other aspects including the language. It happened when we were talking over phone sometime between 4 p.m. and 5 p.m. The winter was prevailing in Rajasthan but listening to these three words suddenly gave rise to the spring in my heart.
I had read the following line in a great Hindi literary novel, Jhootha Sach - 'To be in love is a great thing, you feel alive'. So true. However it's not just the issue of being in someone's love, the bigger thing is knowing that the other person was also in love with me. Oh ! What a bliss it was ! I have always been an emotional person and the readers of my reviews on MS can very well endorse it because my emotions are only spread through my words. So this could be the biggest gift for a person like me.
The Almighty did not bless me with either money or love in abundance. I got much less of both these things. And this is the only case when I had felt that someone (adult) genuinely loved me. Being a music lover, I used to get audio cassettes specially prepared with the songs of the choice of both of us. Two identical copies of every such cassette were prepared, one each to be kept by both of us separately. I was not fortunate enough to get her association for life and I don't know where she is in this mortal world now. However I am sure that she must still be keeping (and listening to) those cassettes. Her favourite song was - Guzra Hua Zamaana, Aata Nahin Dubaara. Absolutely true. But that Zamaana (period) haunts the lovers for the rest of their lives.
In those days only, sometime I had recited the following lines to her from a lovely Hindi poem (I do not remember the name of the poet) :
Sajne Aur Sanwarne Ke Din
Ek Dooje Par Marne Ke Din
Behti Nadiya Mann Ke Bheetar
Shefali Ke Jharne Ke Din
Years back, I had read in a Hindi story - Koi Nahin Jaanta Ki Aurat Jab Kisi Se Pyar Karti Hai To Woh Usmein Kya Dekhti Hai (nobody knows when a woman loves a man what she sees in him). Perfect. I am also not able to understand even today what she saw in me to find me as worthy of her love.
Today, just throwing a glance at the date, a lightening flashed in the clouds of the thoughts wandering in my mind that this was the day when the three magical words were poured into my ears and suddenly the weather started appearing exceedingly pleasant to me. Such is the effect of memories for someone who has loved and has been loved sometime in his / her life. The lines of the classic duet of Hemant Kumar and Lata Mangeshkar from the movie Patita (1953) are striking my heart:
Yaad Kiya Dil Ne Kahaan Ho Tum
Jhoomti Bahaar Hai Kahaan Ho Tum
Pyar Se Pukaar Lo Jahaan Ho Tum
Pyar Se Pukaar Lo Jahaan Ho Tum
