Signs of Life
Dietrich Bonhoeffer is best remembered as the young pastor martyred for his leadership against Hitler and his army. Speaking up with a faith that confronted evil, he had a passion for truth and an approach to following Christ that is truly inspiring. Nonetheless, Bonhoeffer’s transparent wrestling with matters of identity has also been a significant influence in the lives of many. It is comforting to know that even one willing to die for something at the very core of his identity still struggled, at times in anguish, with the question: "Who am I?" In a poem written in prison, Bonhoeffer offers both the cry of his heart and the only hope that can answer it:
Who am I?
This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me,
these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.
"Who am I" is the question we often ask in the midst of the struggle. In moments where our conscience is tormented, in places where life's walls seem to crumble, it is in the tear-stained places of life where we wrestle most intensely with who we are.
English writer F.W. Boreham tells a story about an old gravedigger whose terrible cough educed the sympathy of a cemetery visitor. The coughing man simply gestured to the graves around them, noting, "There's plenty here who'd be glad of my cough!" His point is clear. Even a cough is a sign of life. All the same, it is also a sign that a cure is needed lest the old man be dragged into a grave of his own. Carrying this thought to a higher place, Boreham remarks wisely, "The torments of an aroused conscience are symptoms of spiritual vitality for which a wise man will give thanks on bended knees; but they are useless and worse than useless unless they drive him, in his desperation, to the fountain open for all sin and for all uncleanness."
In other words, pain and sorrow, unrest and struggle are actually signs of life, signs that we were created with emotions and consciences. But they are also signs that lead to a cure for the sin-stained conscience, to life in knowing the one who created you, and an identity found ultimately in Christ. The signs of life indeed point to the promises of heaven. It is this sacred truth that William Cowper proclaimed in verse: "The path of sorrow, and that path alone, Leads to the place where sorrow is unknown."
When your identity is rooted in Christ, sorrow and struggle can be met with the same confidence that kept William Cowper singing and the imprisoned Dietrich Bonhoeffer hopeful. Though weeping may linger for the night, joy comes in the morning.
