The 'I'm-the-King-of-Kondalampatti Klutch'.
Equivalent to pissing on territory and therefore normally used to fix who is the dominant male in this part of the jungle. At the sight of a threat, shoot out leg (always backwards), kick dhoti (always upwards) and instead of folding the whole thing up around loins, just hold up one end (sometimes both if the threat is severe) in hand to part the dhoti like the waters of the Red Sea and make way for two hairy (hopefully), muscular (hopefully), mard-key-bacchey legs which will then proceed to walk all over everybody. In days of yore, this was much more effective when done striding through paddy fields with a minion scurrying behind holding aloft a huge black umbrella to protect your beautiful black complexion from being ruined by the sun.
The Gird-of-the-Loin.
Used before the commencement of anything from climbing a coconut tree to signing that corporate merger. (Also very useful while riding anything with two wheels “ other than a woman.. that is.) It signals that you're now open for and mean business. A variation the 'B. Bhootalingam Draw', minus all the thunder and lightning and how high you fold the dhoti is determined by the complexity and seriousness of the task at hand. (WARNING: To be deployed without underwear only when unaware of presence of polite/female company and/or when answering an urgent call of nature.)
Which leaves us with just a couple of unanswered questions.
The first - if the Southie's dhoti spends so much of its time aping a miniskirt, what comes to mind is a question that has so often haunted humanity about the Scottish kilt. What lies underneath!
What underwear?
Well let's just say that it has never been Venky's secret. Because the Southie, never knowing how high his dhoti may ride, chooses his under-the-dhoti-wear remembering the Girl Scout motto.. "Be prepared". Hence the popular choice, despite the invasion of the briefer VIP or the even more dashing Jockey - continues to be what is called "drayers" - knee-length kacchas in dashing stripes or shorts in basic khaki “ covering all matters that must remain private no matter what your dhoti may do in public. And the second question is ...you know what they say about the Southie's dhoti - that it's like a coconut, known to fall off but no one has ever seen one do so.
So the third question is - how does it stay up?
There are many whispered rumours. (And there are those who have been known to use a belt, but they are charlatans really, shunned and denounced by the real 'Makappuswamis'). Some say that it is coffee, strong enough to put the hair on your chest and keep your dhoti on. Some say a daily dose of rice and buttermilk, enough to just distend your stomach to the required rotundity. Others say it's 'avvakai pickle', hot enough to sear your dhoti ......
The truth is no one knows.
My bet?
Testosterone.. ;)
