When I announced a couple of months back, that I was not interested in extending my contract by a year more in Korea, and wanted to come back to India, many of my "so called friends and well wishers",were quite surprised and some even indirectly commented that I was an idiot of the first order. Well honestly speaking, on surface it looked a plain idiotic decision to take.
Korea was after all a nice and well developed nation, had a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, and it was beneficial for me both financially and career wise, hanging around for some more time. Trust me it was not an easy decision for me either. But many factors did influence the decision. The fact is I have never ever been comfortable with idea of leaving India and settling abroad. And no I am not one of those who believe that the West is all morally corrupt and decadent, and East is totally pure. Matter of fact many friends of mine believe I am quite westernized.
But again staying abroad for 1 year, made me realize I could never settle down there. Yes Korea like most of the developed nations has wonderful roads, towering skyscrapers, lush gardens and a good infrastructure. And as they say in initial honeymoon period, everything looks so beautiful, everything looks so lovely. But somehow after some time a kind of boredom crept in. Its as if every where in go, each place is a replica of another place. The same tall apartment buildings, the same 24/7 stores, the same departmental stores, honestly you can swap one area with another area, one suburb with another suburb, one taxi with another taxi, and you would hardly notice the difference.
Yes I did have a good time, visiting places taking photos, sending them across. But again it is the same case, boredom and uniformity. The palaces in Korea are well maintained for sure, but after seeing 2-3 palaces, I had enough, because while they were well maintained and had lovely gardens, it was the same uniform structure. Honestly I found it hard to find any difference between Palace A and Palace B, except the names. And the same with the museums, yes well maintained, good exhibits, but you visit a couple of them, and again the same depressing uniformity hits you.
And the feeling that inspite of my best efforts to fit in, I could never. No I am not a loner or introvert. On the contrary I had some of the best friends from various parts of the globe. But yet it became quite clear, that whatever you do to fit in, you willl never be considered as one of them. You will always be an outsider in spite of your best efforts. Maybe not directly, but in many subtle or indirect ways, you are reminded that you dont belong there. As also the loneliness and isolation you face, far away from your family members.
Maybe I could have ignored all this and hung around for some time, trying to deny it, and pretending there was no problem. Maybe like others, I could have stayed here, for that extra money, though I did not like it one bit, but honestly I did not want to keep fooling myself for the rest of my life. Do my kids miss out anything on it? Yeah maybe they may not have the chance to talk about the party they had in Starbucks, but if they feel happy in their visits to Big Bazaar or the local mall, does it really matter?
Did I miss out on money or better career opportunities? Maybe, yes I did. Yeah maybe am a kinda sentimental fool, who loves the simple things of life. Maybe in these days of rat race and competition, where people are career minded, I guess I am an old fashioned guy who believes in things like relationships and family.But whatever for sure, I know that I am being true to myself. And so here I am back in Swadesh.
