In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
(William Wordsworth)
Muskaan turned 10. She was very happy
“Wow mom, my age is now a two digit number”
“Yes Mussu, you are a big girl”.
The day ended and the same routine started all again. But, yes, there was ‘a but’, ‘a pause’, ‘a thorn’ in my thoughts. She is growing up so fast. She will leave me soon. Am I already suffering from empty nest syndrome? What will I do without them? They both will eventually go for a better life. But, yes, ‘the but’, what will I do then. Mission accomplished, after that, what? This whole thing was just revolving and spinning in my head. “Are your nuts?” “Have you gone crazy” were the thoughts counterattacking me. Can I do something now? Will it ruin what I did in last decade? If I will step somewhere else or explore something else will I end up having guilty pangs? Am I still capable of fitting in this moving world? Hope I have not stagnated? Do I still have that confidence?
“You know our mind is a beautiful thing. Whatever we learn or possess once in there stays with us throughout. A little polishing will bring it back to life, exactly how it was. And yes, if you want to do something, you will have to reach for it on your own. I won’t help you. I can’t and even if I can, I know what you are, so you won’t need it”.
That was the push I needed so, I went out and explored my world. For past four months, I am working and somewhere happy with myself. And I guess, you all know my reason of absence from MS now. Well, I got a new motive and am growing. Best part being, the growing is not leaving anything or anyone behind. Well I guess, rediscovering oneself sometimes can be pleasantly surprising at times.
