This is the story of S Nair and Mustaffa Khan (80 Years)
Alarming level of lipid profile is the reason behind our camaraderie. I have been shuttling across South East Asia with an additional responsibility to spiritually awaken the deserted souls who were assigned with the challenging task to popularize the brand of our organization. Within a few days, I realized that I have been consuming high calorie food items (primarily shell fish) and the cholesterol figures bemused my physician. Simple advice – diet control and brisk walk!
Initially, it was tread mill exercise for 30 minutes. Later I have replaced it with brisk walking across those unexplored promenades in the locality. Finally, brisk walk gave way to a gentle stroll. I wonder the day in when I start watching brisk walkers from my couch.
I was all about to get caught by the vicious invitation of ennui. That is when I found a good friend in Mustaffa. He is rich in terms of the money and diseases. Survived third heart attack but might garrote you to death by his occasional fart attacks. I am having a very sensitive nose and hence I could not withstand this. Occasionally, we used to quarrel over this but again, I need a company without which I will end up in consuming “statins” to keep my lipid profile under control. Finally, I have suggested some kind of “emission norms” to this gentleman which he agreed to. Main clauses of the pact are given as follows
1) There should be a pre warning before any kind of dangerous emissions
2) If accompanied by noise, you should follow the rule of “lightning and thunder”. Always we get to see the light first and then thunder follows. (Remember speed of light is much bigger than light). Likewise, Mustaffa should apply some filtering device so that odour should follow noise giving me sufficient time to find a safe hideout
3) The day, he consumes potato; he should give me warning so that I will find an alternate route in the coming day.
Mustaffa Uncle was quite a sweet morsel who agreed to all these conditions. This armistice between us was working well. In between, three days I was out of station. Mustaffa Uncle used to contact me over phone during the morning walk hours and I could hear the earth shattering noise of “biological warfare” in my absence.
Next week, I recouped to the daily walk schedule. I could not believe my eyes! Mustaffa Uncle was surrounded by five ladies.How can they enjoy the company of a flatulist? They were fighting for his attention.I could see him wrapping his hands around the shoulder of two girls. Sunrays were directly hitting his bald head. Was he was trying to ape Gandhiji in some specific areas?
He greeted me with affection and introduced me to Vaishali, Rupali, Deepali and all other “lis” in the group. Finally he said “He is my first disciple. He was having all this cholesterol related issues. But after this exercise, he is feeling better”. I was about to protest but all of a sudden Uncle beckoned me to nod in affirmation. I was feeling a bit odd to take stroll along with an octogenarian and five obese ladies. After a while, he signaled me to take an alternate route. I was relieved from the ordeal and ran away.
Back in office, I was surprised to see one among those “lis” whom I met yesterday. The dialogue exchange between us –
“Hello Sirjieeeeee”
“How come you are here? And yeah, hello! Take your seat”
“Sir, I was working in Chakan Branch of your Office”
How come she never revealed this in the morning? She continued “Sir, I want a personal favour from you!”
This is getting weird! With half heart I nodded her to continue.
“Sir, your cholesterol level came down kyaaaaa? Also, you lost weight kyaaaaaa?”
I nodded but again continued to be in a nonplused state of mind.
“At first, I did not believe in what Uncle told us. It was soooooo yuckkkk. But other girls wanted to give a try. Actually, we tried many medicines to lose weight but did not work. And he told that, he will introduce to you who reduced 25 KG after taking his suggestion”
I cannot take it any further. There is something more to it. “Ok “li”, please be kind enough to tell me what on earth has he suggested to you girls?”
She blushed and started looking here and there! I was all set to run away from my cabin. “Will you please tell me?”
In a mellowed intonation she said “Just the same thing he suggested you. Consume more batatas (potato), start running, without any inhibition pass gas in open air and let all pollution out of your body”
Contd...
