Ruffling through my old stuff, I found my autograph notebook. I never had the gall to throw away those idioms of my past life. I wonder – What are they all doing now? Goodbyes can be sweet even from your foulest enemies. That’s memories for you.
Yesterday, I saw this Kannada movie, Autograph, a movie about a student meeting up with some of his friends from college days. Pretty cool. I think this movie merits a watch. And that brings me to this topic…
I shall delve shortly into writing those goodbyes. Prior to that, I recently read a survey on why friendships end. Below are the results of the statistics.
a. Changes in life are the biggest contributors (Moving, marriage, divorce, birth of child, new career) – 77%
b. Lack of reciprocity in relationships – 20 %
c. Betrayal – 17 %
d. Jealousy/envy – 25%
Two words- internet and email has made it advantageous for far flung friends to get in touch easily atleast for the initial 77%. It has certainly made life instantaneous. 20 years back you had snail mail and cramming words onto paper was tedious. With email, I can ask lameduck questions like - what are you eating? Keeping the character of our relationships alive, inspite of the distance has been a marvelous achievement.
If you are a teen and in your grad years, don’t be in a hurry to reach home after those last grad exams. Home is where the heart is but 10 years later you probably regret not making those last goodbyes with friends. Take time off. Spend 10 -15 days with all your friends and making those enemies smile. Meet up with friends and binge for those 15 days. Travel. Get into a enjoy mode. Hey! You are about to enter the trap called work soon. And lastly get your scrapbooks and throw it at everyone. I mean everyone. Have them give a picture, and enter any information which describes them, you, and any other titbits they can think of. Hey! Its you who’s going to read this. I had mine as a scrapbook. A few of the below tips are derived from the Hindu. (Newspaper)
When breaking up with friends, I had the fortune of seeing emotions in a few friends. And you notice that one of the misconceptions about men is broken - Guys do cry. When friends go away from visual view, the last visage is painful. You remember it for the rest of your life. While we may find it silly, some emotions are better off running true.
‘The last goodbye should be in character’. (not filmi) It should be an imprint of your individual personality. If you are the strong, silent type, you don’t have to get flowery and sentimental. A firm handshake, straight look in the eye or a simple, ‘ I’ll miss you’ suffices. If you really feel the need to express more, ensure that you have the contact details to stay in regular touch. You will if you have a strong like for the person. But it is important to state the expression of your honest feelings. Believe me it makes a huge impact on the other person’s life. I have seen a few of my friends change locations just to stay close together. That’s something!
A goodbye signifies a change in your life. Change is rarely easy, but is the only constant companion in your life. It breaks our hearts. When we sever ties with people, places and things we love, a part of us is lost.
‘The last goodbye needn’t always be in words’. Even a glance or a simple smile goes a long way.
If you treasured something most during ‘those’ days and give it to someone as a memento while parting, mark his reaction. He would probably be indulged to live that life and remember you by. And probably the first person to remind you continously to keep in touch.
‘The final goodbye must come from the heart. And its indicators – the eyes’. Those are the last impressions left to take away of the essence of a person – character.
Finally, an incomplete goodbye is one with half complete information in your scrapbook.
Let people enter whatever they see fit –advice to you, what you are good at, what you need to change, contact details, their personal preferences, life and wutnots. Leave a page blank so that they can scribble anything they like on that page. And another half a page for specifically cursing you. (Most wouldn’t. Even if they did, a few are embarrassed later when shown, and wanted to change it. Others cursed me while loving the column)
Ofcourse, leaving aside scrapbooks, there are also the occasions when you never know that this is the last meeting with the person. Death and work can take people unexpectedly to distant places. That’s something you always feel incomplete.
I am into a new relationship. I don’t know when or how it will end, but I want the recipient of my trust to remember me forever. There she is and calling out to me –
“Papa, come”
