17 Female Rules
1) The female makes the rules.
2) The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3) No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4) If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5) The female is never wrong.
6) If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not say or did not do.
7) If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding.
8) The female may change her mind anytime for any reason or no reason at all.
9) The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. (See rules 6,7,12 and 13)
10) The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgment she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female’s being angry or upset. The female may however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. (See rule 13)
11) The male must remain calm at all times, unless a female wants him to be angry or upset.
12) Under no circumstances may the female give any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13) The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the soul discretion of the female.
14) The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful and or oafish.
15) The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebatable.
16) If the female is experiencing PMS, Post PMS, or pre PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard tological consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17) Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion or belief by the female is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not withstanding Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
