You have an issue with a product or service. You need to dial the toll free number 1800-ABC-DEFG. You may call even on a Sunday. After a series of tapping or pressing various digits as per recorded instructions from an answering machine(who invented this awesome device?), finally you reach the point when the voice tells you one or more of the following:
Please wait. Your call is important to us.
Your call may be recorded for quality assurance and training purposes.
Thank you for holding the line. A customer service representative will speak to you shortly.
All our agents are busy attending to customers at the moment. Please hold or call again later.
Consider yourself fortunate if you hear "XXX Customer care.. How can I help you?" in 30 minutes' time. Till then they keep you entertained with admirable fairy tales about how wonderful they are, why they are so special, etc. All in the backdrop of some "mellifluous" music that will put Joshua Bell to shame...
The next several minutes will give you lessons in exercising self-control. Make the most out of it. This is a free service.
The more you explain the issue you have with their product or service, the more the bloke will confuse you. This actually helps you to prepare yourself in case you decide to make future calls of a similar nature.
The end of a gruelling session is solemnised with the ritual "Is there anything else we can do for you, sir?"
~
Whether your call was fruitful or not is only one part of the story. There is more to come...
- You get an sms from the company. It says, "You just spoke to our agent M.O. Ron. Please let us know how satisfied you were by sending us your rating: 1 - The very best, 2 - Excellent, 3 - Very good, 4 - Good.
Don't think too much. Give them 1(but make sure you don't call them again).
- You get a call from the company the very next day. As if the sms was not enough, a girl with the voice of a toad begins to croak into your ears. If you are able to determine that the language she is chattering in is indeed English, congratulate yourself. The moment she finds out that you are a "local" like herself, she'll seek your permission to hammer one more nail into the coffin of your native tongue(no worries; we are all very much accustomed to this). You might have seen secretaries in your office type at a speed of 60 wpm. This creature babbles over the phone at 300! It is a follow-up call requesting to take a short survey on their "services," to figure out how satisfied you were with their overwhelming attention and care. Would you recommend them to your friends(even if that means losing all of them in the bargain)?
Once you are through with Ms. Chatter G, it is time for yoga. You will need it!
