Prelude
We all might have had people in our lives - parents, teachers,friends,spouses,or some others – who may not be around now,but who, physically, emotionally, or intellectually left deep impressions within us.This narrative of mine is a recollection of some such people,who once inhabited my world. Readers may,perhaps,find herein,a parallel in their own lives,of such people,similar to that of mine.
Recollections………
There are tranquil nights,when my sleep recedes,and wakefulness sets in.There are also times,when I withdraw into the solitude of the day.And my mind wanders,bringing in recollections of the past.
There was Rohan(name changed), my schoolmate and friend.Rohan stopped coming to school one day-suddenly.Later, I learnt,from hushed conversations at school, and home, that he had committed suicide,at the age of fourteen, plagued by a poor academic performance,and unable to cope. I was only twelve,there was no internet then,and was quietly turned away by my elders,when I asked what ‘suicide’ meant.
There was Mini(name changed), another classmate,and my immediate neighbour,a fair, pretty girl with long hair,and lively eyes,who later went on to become an airhostess,while I pursued my higher studies. Mini, died in an air crash, when she was twenty-five.
There was Rodrigues sir,my primary school English teacher,who would with a twinkle in his eyes,and a smile on his lips encourage me, in my academic pursuits,long after I left my primary classes,and up to perhaps the 8th Standard.He too departed,reportedly on account of an illness, in his forties,without saying even a goodbye.
There was my personal physician,Dr.Nadkarni, who diligently oversaw my health—recoveries from ‘flu,typhoid,jaundice,mumps- starting from my school days, till my college graduation.I was among his first five or ten patients,when he started his MBBS practice in our locality.He always nurtured a soft corner for me, as a result. He left on account of a kidney failure,again in his forties.
There was my engagement partner in a well-known accounting firm,who mentored me in my initial working years. He died in a car accident at the age of thirty-two.
And as recently,as five years back,there was Anoop,a brilliant chartered accountant in my Mumbai office,whom I had the good fortune to closely associate with for a year or so.Anoop talked big—and dreamed bigger - for himself,and his family – a mother, and a sister.Anoop’s father had died early, and his mother,a matriculate till then,had taken up and completed her B.Ed.,after his father’s death,so that she,as a school teacher,could struggle and stint, through life, to make him a professional accountant. Anoop had telephoned me one day.He was in the seventh heaven.He was getting married in his hometown.Would I be able to make it? I had politely declined,owing to my busy schedules.That phone call was the last conversation I had with Anoop.Anoop left for his heavenly abode,15 days into his honeymoon,due to a cardiac arrest,at the age of twenty-five.
And then there were my parents, who were my emotional anchors. My mother went away suddenly, while I was out of town. My father though,departed after a protracted illness.
And there were a host of uncles,aunts,friends,colleagues,neighbours…….the list is long.
Some like Rohan left,while on the nascent threshold of life.Perhaps, the realities of living hurt him, more than the fear and agony of an unnatural death; Mini and Anoop,departed in the prime of their lives, their dreams unfulfilled; my teacher,my physician,and my employer left, while at their productive best,in their careers.My parents left somewhat old,but still quite early, from my standpoint.For parents,they say,their chidren never grow up.To that I would add, that children too,on their part,would like their parents,howsoever old, to be around them till eternity.Such is the bond.
And then there are Bollwood icons like Sanjeev Kumar, Rajesh Khanna,singer Jagjit Singh,or less prolific actors like Vijay Arora,or Navin Nischol,and many others,with whom I had established an emotional connect,in my growing years, because of my love for cinema. Not that I knew any of them personally,but there are times,when for no particular reason,I miss all of them,and an inexplicable wistfulness,and a sense of personal loss envelops me,when their song clips are played,or their movies screened on television.
I also feel a sense of loss,when I read the biographies and achievements of contemporary icons like the late yoga guru,B.K.Iyengar,or acclaimed writers like the late U.R.Ananthamurthy,in the newspapers of the day,upon their demise.Or when I read about the death of actor-director Richard Attenborough,who as a westerner,perhaps understood and appreciated Mahatma Gandhi,and his philosophy and achievements,far better than I did,or will ever do,as an Indian.Why should life be so fleeting,I sometimes wonder,that we all have to leave everything,and everyone behind,and depart one day!
Each one of the above kindred souls,who once peopled my physical world,or thoughts,has left an emotional void within me,after they departed,never to return.Time,they say,is a great healer.Maybe,but for me,time seems to have stood still……. it all seems like yesterday ………and a sense of loneliness unsettles me, making me reflect on the reality that is life………and how life changes colours - like a chameleon.
The Reality
What we all know,but many of us find difficult to accept is - that this life is ephemeral,and that we are all temporary occupants on this earth- here today,we will all depart somewhere else - tomorrow.
For others,we say ‘Rest in Peace’,but for ourselves,we do not accept the peace of the grave,and the finiteness of life. We are also painfully aware that all departures of friends and family members are wakeup calls to our mortality.But in a state of denial,many of us cocoon ourselves in a sort of wishful thinking,wanting everyone, in our inner circle(ourselves included), to transcend time, age, illness, suffering, and…. mortality. In the process,we try to create an illusory reality,aspiring for a sort of Nirvana,only for disillusionment to set in,sooner or later!
But the harsh truth is that we are all,so to say,birds of passage,and one pre-destined day, each one of us will fly away to unknown distant shores,and destinations. Alone.Away from the medley of experiences and melody that is this life.Never to return.
We take away nothing with us,when we depart.But,yes,we do leave behind some pleasant,or occasionally painful reminiscences.And possibly some good deeds. And some friends,and near and dear ones.To speak of the good moments they shared with us.And to condole for our absences,when we are gone.Like birds of passage.Never to return.At least in this incarnate form.Ever.
