My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I asked, " Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I sai d, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "I can tell from your frustrationt"
And then the fight started.....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace, expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken guy swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife , 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My Goodness!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
