But after thirty years, she felt the emptiness of being alone in her room. She didn't even knew the reason why Jim separated their bed in another room. Drinking coffee while watching the moonlight, holdings hands together while walking on the park, and whispering sweet nothings were now gone. Time have changed, its no longer the way they were before. Jim seems like a total stranger for Carla now." Have love gone astray?"Carla was silently asking herself. And every time she remembers Jim on the computer, she became upset, her stomach tightened and she felt dizzy and disoriented. Her heart began to beat erratically and slowed down beating. She couldn't help not to cry as she imagined Jim flirting with those women.
Until one time, Jim asked her to give him space. A space where she thinks will only give him reason to be more away from her. How could she give in to his desires when all the while she thought that Jim has enough room and space in their house? But she knew the kind of space Jim is asking from her. He is asking the space that she just cant easily say yes. She can hardly sleep that night and cant believe what Jim had asked from her.
Yes, how could she forget what Jim asked her? He asked for a space that is unbearable. He wanted to meet the other woman despite her pleadings to stop chatting with her.
Among the women he's flirting, Jasmine is the one that he gave much attention. She felt the rapid palpitation of her heart every time she knew that he is waiting for Jasmine to come online. She always have restless nights. She wanted to end this misery, but how and when?
"How could he broke his vows that he will love me till the end? That there will be no other woman in his life, aside from me? What have I done that made Jim looked for another woman?"But instead of answers, more questions popping up in her mind.
Carla decided to give Jim the chance to chat with Jasmine after sometime. But the more that she allowed him, the more Jim forgets that he is hurting her already.
"Jim, I beg of you to please end up your relationship with that woman, you're already starting to break our marriage vow." She could almost feel the world is turning up side down. Because Jim was like a hard stone on the sand that can’t be moved by the tossed or waves of the sea. He seemed to be deaf and mute to Carla's pleadings. His desires to meet Jasmine personally is more intense than preserving the closeness and love of his family.
Carla could feel coldness of the night. She longed to be caressed. She missed sitting on the lap of Jim whenever they feel romance is in the air. It seems that Jim is no longer interested how sexy she looks or how she lost weight lately because of his erring deeds.
"How long had it been that Jim forgot to make love with me as his wife? Was it a week or months ago? aaahh... twas long ago already! How could he forget that I have some needs? That I was a virgin and innocent woman when he got me thirty years ago? Despite what happened was against my will, yet, I stand by his side against all odds?. And I learn to love him only after the kids are grown up. How could Jim forget all these?"Carla was sobbing with these sad thoughts but she thinks, its useless to regret now.
"That's not what matters for now. Its all about keeping intact our marriage vows for the sake of the kids that is important to me." Carla keeps telling herself.
Carla feels that she is still a normal woman that needs love, attention, affection, and respect. "Did he had a change of heart for me?" A shiver ran down her spine, a chill of uncertain- the future is getting doom she thought.
"Why is it that Jim seems so cold like that statue standing on the park where we use to go for a stroll?"Carla keeps asking herself. All she knew was- Jim just goes on with his usual ritual. Sitting on the computer chatting with his women until the time Jim forgets that she still exists.
Weeks and months passed by, Carla was like a crazy woman. Her self-esteem gone down, most of the time she is in her weakest moment, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially as well. Jim no longer give what is due to her as a wife. The privilege of the wife from her husband's income is no longer shared to her. She almost forget how the money looks like because Jim, financially and emotionally abandoned her. She can only depend on her daughter who gave her financial support at the end of the week.
Carla had been inexplicably nervous all day to think of the present. She could no longer bring back the past. Damage had been done, no matter how many times she would regret the past, it will never come back. All she can do now is learn an important lessons from it and never repeat the situation.
to be continued...
