“It’s so cold,” a customer complained. “Turn down the air conditioner.”
“Yes, sir,” said the waiter.
A few minutes later, he called the server again. “Now I’m too warm.”
“All right,” said the waiter. But soon the customer was cold again.
Finally another patron said to the waiter, “I commend you for your patience. That guy is really keeping you busy.”
“No, he’s not,” smiled the waiter. “We don’t even have an AC.”
Joe opened an account with a florist and told him to send flowers to his wife on her birthday and their wedding anniversary, along with a note signed “Your loving husband.” His wife was thrilled by the attention, and all was great until one anniversary. Joe came home, saw the bouquet, kissed his wife, and said, “Nice flowers. Where’d you get them?”
When the tour bus stopped in Runnymede, England, the guide says, “It was here that the Magna Carta was signed.”
“When did they sign it?” one passenger asks.
“1215,” the guide responds.
“Dang! We missed it by 20 minutes.”
One day Lion summons the other animals: “Each of you must tell a joke, but if any one fails to laugh, I’ll kill the one who told it. Monkey, go first.”
Monkey begins: “Two men are in the street and....”
When he finishes, everyone bursts out laughing save Tortoise. “Tortoise didn’t laugh!” roars Lion, who pounces on Monkey and kills him.
“Elephant, you’re next.” The same thing happens again. Everyone is angry at Tortoise, but nobody dares move. “Now it’s Tiger’s turn.”
Tiger was about to begin when Tortoise falls over laughing. “What’s with you?” bellows Lion. “Tiger hasn’t told his joke yet...”
Tortoise replies: “Monkey’s joke is hilarious!”
