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Indians abroad follow a 10 rule code when they eat out in restaurants or at banquets or parties. These rules have been in place for the past 100 years and handed down in secret from one generation of travellers to another. Here they are:
Rule No. 1: Don’t ‘wine’, just gulp down the wine – We understand that you can’t make out what’s the big deal about this strange liquid that neither gets you drunk nor tastes good. But just hold your nose and drink it down, otherwise you won’t get your next course.
Rule No.2: All food has evolved from Tandoori chicken - It’s true! Studying ancient civilizations Prof Gastronomer has found that the first real gourmet dish in the world was Tandoori chicken. After that it was downhill!
Rule No. 3: Food can finish anytime – With the population increasing by one million people every month and other resources not keeping pace, the food in the world can finish any moment. So load those buffet trays and eat as much as you can right now.
Rule No. 4: Knives and forks are for cowards. The ancient Ju Jitso warriors in Japan did not need any weapons, they could make mincemeat of their opponents with their hands and fists. The same applies to the Global Indian Traveller.
Rule No. 5 : If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it – When you walk into a restaurant where the menu looks like an advanced French lesson beware. Le plat de pomme de terra avec la citrouille is two potatoes with one piece of kaddoo in between.
Rule No. 6: The classier the restaurant the smaller the portions – The fanciest restaurants in the world serve you your course along with a magnifying glass, so you can locate the food portion on your plate!
Rule No. 7: Stealing glasses and salt cellars from planes help the world’s economy – The more items you can steal from your food tray the lighter the plane gets for its next trip, and this helps conserve valuable aero plane fuel.
Rule No 8: Bring back as much ketchup as possible to India – We’re running short of tomatoes in this country so the more little packets of ketchup you bring back the better.
Rule No. 9: Even European kings would dip their napkin in their glass – after all what better way to wipe up after a meal.
Rule No. 10: There are no rules – Hey we’re the world’s largest democracy. Everything we do will be legalized sooner or later (like in cricket). So eat up.
Bon Apetit.
