On a sultry thursday evening, I lie still on my easy-going easy-chair, reciprocating thoughts of the day gone by! On the easy chair, I lie, recalling the exactness of the countable minutes left in the day! Thinking ... what shall I do! A movie probably, or a perusal of the book I left mid-way, or a pass through the innumerable programmes being aired on the television, or..... alas ..... I dont feel like doing any of these!
And I end up doing nothing!
I just want to enjoy the chill of standing in front of a light breeze closing in through the window! The cranky window panes, creak aloud, alarming me about their trivial existence, of their whereabouts, which seem to be constant, though they change and transform along with my constant change of position! I try not to listen to the constant pelting coming from the apartment besides the window, but I fail, and I am left to be annoyed and perplexed by it! Probably, plugging my exhausted ears with ear-phones would redirect the vexation away from me! And I do that, and I feel relieved at the distraction! After a while though, they hurt and I am forced again to find another distraction, to stop the devil inside of my mind from evolving!
And I end up doing nothing!
In the middle of the night, I sometimes wake up, I feel the pillows sinking in the bedspread, and I try to sleep...sigh, what an odd hour to be thirsty...Probably it was just a dream about a demon pulling me unto the silvery quicksand, and I feel the pillows sinking in the bed-spread! And after I quench my anxiety, with a smoke and a glass of water,
I try to sleep but I could not ..
I try to calm down but I could not ..
I try to do something .. something atleast ..
But I End Up Doing Nothing!
Half of what I do, is situational! I dont wipe out my sunday afternoons on PC games intensionally, nor do I plan to sleep on the saturdays on which I was supposed to visit a friend! They just happen! I console myself by nullifying the effects of things I could do and dont, and things I dont want to and end up doing!
So when I try doing things, which I like and which somehow make my anxiety go away ..
I end up doing Nothing!
Is that good or is that bad?
Or it is just something we all do...do Nothing!
Nothing at all!
Neither Bad...Nor Good...Nothing!
