6:30 am
When an elephant falls in mud, even a lizard dares to kick it............ whoever told this Bengali proverb to me was right! I don't have anything much exact to describe the present situation. Right now, I am standing outside the local bakery, Naushad's. My only fault is, I am the first customer, and asked for a "half glass" tea and a slice of "Dilkhush" ......... feeling embarrassed to declare that it's my breakfast today,can't afford anything costlier than Rs.4. It's 22nd of the month, if I don't start cutting the expenses, the quota for my breakfast will not last till the end. Naushad gave me a half pity and half disgusted look, and I felt as my cheeks turned red of shame. What a situation! Feeling so helpless, but don't have any other option. I have to consume the food anyway, and have to catch the bus from depot, for which I have to walk more than two kilometers.Hiring an auto.........? Bad joke! Can't even remember when I travelled in an auto last time!
7:00 am:
Finally reached the bus depot. Now I have to wait for my bus. Well,I can't travel in any bus, my monthly pass allows me to get into the black boarded ones only. In other words, The cheapest ones available. Today my targets are at least 3 sales, and collection from two more customers. Have to meet the target anyway, otherwise a great kick is waiting for me, my TL started sharpening his nails from now only to pounce on me. I am left behind, or these targets never close........?
8:30am:
Finally managed to get down from that mosterous bus!!!!!!!! My shoes are covered with with generous footprints, feeling strangled as my tie-knot became so tight in the struggling procedure; my dresses look as if I never pressed them in my lifetime! Gosh, how can I visit someone dressed so shabbily?! Have to fix it anyway.Polishing the shoe......forget it! Let me wipe them on the grass of the sidewalk instead,those grasses are already wet! Smoothening the clothes will be done with my palms, and let me wipe my face with a hanky. But at first I will get rid of this strangling tie...........! Yes,finally! Now I look somehow presentable.
12:30 pm:
My stomach is grumbling, and I have a sickening feeling inside. From last few hours I walked almost 6-7 kilometers I guess, but it seems my luck does not favour today. I have been shooed off by people most of the time, that's quite common in this profession........ but today a person threw his newspaper at me, which I could not take easily. Why do people forget that we are also human being, and trying to do our job only? Sometimes they behave so harsh,as some stray dog entered their premises. Humiliation and rejection became the part of my life..... not finding any way out. Now I feel so hungry, but can't see any "Bhuttawala" around. Yes, that's my lunch, again going to snatch 4 rupees away from me. Cheaper options are not available,bad luck of mine!
5:00 pm:
Standing outside railway station, and sipping tea from a broken cup. God gave a look at me with half-closed eyes, I think. Four of my water purifiers sold today! Yeppi! Collection is not done yet, after finishing the tea I will go for it. One of my shoes suddenly gave up, had to shell out 10 rupees for that.........the cobbler told me to change it, he told that I will find the road under my feet very soon if I don't change!!!!!!!!Now it's not possible,next month................only if I get some bonus amount, which sounds like almost absurd. Well,let me see. Why this "If" word is becoming an unavoidable part of my life?
8:30 pm:
Waiting for the bus to return home. Or,better I say, my PG accomodation. Owner warned me yesterday,he is going to increase the rent from next month if I use my tape recorder so much. Come on yaar, that's the only way of my recreation in this deserted life, I get some relief when I lie down at night and listen to those melodious songs of 90's. Don't know why it happens everytime..........can't God see me happy? Why ceasing every chance, every opportunity from me of staying in peace? Give me a chance, God, I will show you that I also can do something......... I wil never complain afterwards.
