''Oh no, not another Kaante review?'' Do I have an option really? It's the New Year plus weekend here in Dubai. ''sabar, baba, sabar'' as they say in dubs
The ''balcony full'' notice I sort of expected. What one also noticed was a ''children below 18 not allowed'' board. At the gate were the hapless securitymen telling wailing and tantrum-throwing mums and dads that when it says that children below 18 are not allowed, it generally means that children below 18 are not allowed. He had a point, I thought.
Generally excelling in unwittingly feeding on others misery, it was one such refund that came to my rescue when I asked the cashier (in mallu, smiling) whether it was fully full. Well, he said (in mallu, smiling), here you go, and handed the last torn refunded ticket, stapled. Malayalam can get you far.
Thank God Hari didnt turn up as promised, I thought, or else I'd need to try the stall. So ask for popcorn and tea (in shudd hindi) , rush in, grab my seat, stretch my legs and hum ''jaane kya hoga rama re''.
''OK, wise one, so where's the review?'' sabar, baba, sabar. Well, frankly my title is slightly misleading. I thought I could watch it once, but that was enough. The fact was there was so much hype that I thought I couldn't miss it. Fact is, maybe I could've. It was like all the 6 protagonists plus Sanjay Gupta taking turns to slap your intelligence, with mahesh manjrekar laughing out loud.
The actors have put in good performances, the music is great, dialogues are witty. ''So what's wrong?'' Well, the plot. The script has more holes in it than the board our heroes use for practice in broad daylight.
Here's the story (as if u didn't know ): Our 6 heroes are the usual suspects whenever the law's violated in LA. Amitji even goes on and on about Indians being caught as opposed to the Chinese and other mafia who go scot free. Ahem. I thought the desis were doing great there, plus since when did the US of A encourage mafia? Anyways, they decide to prove a point by robbing the bank where the police have their money stashed. Good point, I thought.
In the midst of bouts of patriotism, resulting in some getting thrown off buildings in broad daylight, and some target practice, again in broad daylight, our heroes formulate a plan. ''What plan?'' I don't know. We see Amitji pointing to a board and saying ''police idhar se ayegi, etc'', that's about it. Of course, we do have the emotional angle. Amitji has a dying wife, Sunil, er, Suniel, Shetty's in love with a dancer (Malika Arora) whom he wants to run away with, Mahesh Manjrekar a retarded sister and Kumar Gaurav wants to settle his divorce and take custody of his child. Which, in hindsight isn't really bad - I thought it prevented the film from going all out macho.
So they go away and rob a bank, kill a couple and return to find policemen waiting. Intermission.
I go out, hang around, drink more tea, long lustfully at the smoke until good old conscience quotes Raabert (frost) - ''plenty of promises to keep...''. I decide against it.
After a gun-battle, our heroes return to their den and conclude that one amongst them is an informer. Now I try to figure this out. We have Amit berate Sanju for killing an employee and thereby inviting the police. So why would the police need an informer to get there? And it's not as if you loot a bank in broad daylight in LA, shoot a few, create a ruckus, and expect no one to call the police. The whole premise over which the ''twist in the story'' is centred is flawed, I thought, munching more popcorn. And why on earth would the police wait until after a few people are killed and the robbery has taken place? The Sept 11th equivalent would be policemen standing outside the twin towers waiting for Atta and gang to exit via the ground floor. But ''sabar baba'', I told myself.
There was more to come. Our heroes make it a mission to find out the culprit, before distributing the cash, and generally roam around the country without a problem. Looks like the FBI didnt bother publishing their photos inspite of the mayhem. These Americans are crazy, I thought. After the Atta episode, you'd think they'd be a bit more careful. After a little more violence and general confusion, you have the climax (shhh!)
The film has a few plus points. The performances, for one. Mahesh Manjrekar is great, although I wonder how a debutant got such a meaty role. Direction can get you far. Amitji is all class, as usual. Sanjay Dutt and Kumar Gaurav have put in some really decent performances. Suniel Shetty and Lucky Ali I thought tried to blend with the furniture at times, but were ok otherwise. The ladies don't have much of the role really. Gulshan Grover, as Suneil's ex-boss, is loud and pathetic, as usual. Refreshingly, we don't have Suniel Shetty beating him to pulp in the end or whatever. He should thank his stars it wasn't Sunny Deol,I thought, who'd have massacred half his customers in the club and rendered the other half deaf with his screams. The Cinematography was good. The dialogues and one-liners were quite witty, but adult-ish most of the time. I liked the music, and whatshername who performed in Ishq Samundar.
The real disappointment, is as mentioned, the plot, and the fact that it was more style than anything else. In the end, they probably thought they were shooting a three hour long ad movie.
As I make my way outside, I get a call from Hari who apologises and says he'll make time for it tomorrow. ''sabar, baba'', I tell him. ''Watch it, but when you have the time''. In the meantime, I think, let me go bore the folks at MS.
