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Wah Bai!
Jan 15, 2004 10:18 PM 5095 Views
(Updated Jan 15, 2004 10:28 PM)





I have earlier too somewhere in my profile mentioned how much I love chitchatting with my super-informed housemaid. Our domestic help Laxmi bai is an encyclopedia in herself and her special tippanis on especially Indian Politics and Bollywood are really amazing. She has her last word on almost anything and everything and here is a small instance of the same.

Ever since Munna Bhai, MBBS happened and we showering praises on his surefire cure techniques Laxmi Bai has gotten a little ‘j’ about him. But after hearing the story outline from me, she was somewhat enthused and went: “Aiyya bidi akka (let it be sis), what’s really the big deal in a dada becoming a doc? If I wish I can be one in no time too.” This coming from a middle-aged housemaid I was amused and hence probed a little deeper. Our conversations (translated to English/ Hindi as convenient) are quoted below.

Me: But Laxmi bai this story is not of any ordinary person. He is a local Bhai.. I mean a Dada (Bhai is referred as Dada in this part of world) but with a heart of gold. Although he is into wrong deeds, he follows some ethics. Only that Murali aka Munna, played brilliantly by Sanjay Dutt, has lied to his parents in the village about him being a charitable Doc in Mumbai. And to keep them under that impression during their annual visits to city, he puts on a whole show together with bunch of his associates and entire hospital drama is enacted before them.

LB: This Munna sure is shady akka. At the same time seems to me a total duffer too. If I were in his place, I would be cleverer to go the village myself and pay them a visit annually instead of they coming over to become a nuisance. At least that way, all I need would be one white coat and may be.. woh.. sita ka kya hein.. jo gale se latakta hein?

Me: Err.. its called Stethoscope. Anyway, his lies not withstanding Bhai’s parents upon learning the truth about his profession through an old friend (whose daughter, Chinky, incidentally was being matched for Munna), disown him feeling highly dejected. That’s when the Bhai is inconsolable and vows to become a medico by hook or crook and also getting married to Chinky someday. So he gets an admission into a local Medical college blackmailing one of the dimwit doctors there, holding his carrom lover dad at ransom, to write the entrance exam on his behalf.

LB: Yeh lo! I told you no he is a duffer. If he is a Bhai and has no dearth for money, toh couldn’t he just buy off a seat for himself? Why harass some old chap.. that too when he is supposedly a good Bhai?

Me: Arre Laxmi Bai, phir picture ki story kaisi banti haan? Aage suno. Now our 40+ something Munna is a student in the same college where Chinky, wohi Lagaanwali Gracy Singh, is also a residential doctor. Some hilarious events take place in classroom and the hostel based on his interactions with other students.. the best of which is the ragging episode! And all through this, his right-hand chum Circuit aka Sarkeshwar (ek banda Arshad Warsi karke hein, who is otherwise known for his unsynchronized body seizures in the name of choreography or his buxom wifey on MTV) is just a phone call away to arrange anything for the Bhai including a dead body.

LB: Eisheeeee.. Lagaanwali behenji bhi hein kya? Then there may only be bhajans in the movie no? I have not heard any songs of this movie yet.

Me: The songs are hopelessly bad and mostly grating. It would have been good if they had avoided ditties and added more comic situations. By the way, the Dean yaane ke Principal of college is none other than Munna’s papa ke dost & Chinky’s dad, Dr. Asthana, who tries to control his B.P. through laughter therapy especially when his anger levels shoot up. This person, Boman Irani, is a riot I tell you bai, and he cannot withstand a moment of our dear Bhai. And Munna’s encounters to impress upon him are totally hilarious.

LB: Mujhe ek baat samaj nahi aayi. Why can’t our Munna just go regular Bhai way, hold a pistol to.. woh kaun sa anna.. wohi Chinky ka baap.. get a certificate directly and simply marry her than doing all this circus?

Me: It’s just a movie Laxmi Bai, come on. Phir, our hero Munna becomes the most loved and popular personality in the hospital charming his way into people’s heart in the most clichéd possible way and also through his innovative methods of curing sickness. Our Bhai thanks sweepers, talks life into comatose patients, arranges late night cabaret show for cancer patients, saves his carrom-mate, in between line maaros Chinky whom he knows only as Dr. Suman and not to mention irritating Dr. Asthana by making him go ‘Haa Haa Hee Hee’ every other minute. But after 3 hours, all (and everyone) is well that ends well.

LB: (Not seeming impressed) Hmm.. I see.

Me: And by the way, did I mention that Munna is a champion in a specialized treatment called Jaadoo ki Jappi?? Bear Hugs, a remedy for anything and everything under this sun. Ab bata tere paas hein aisi koi treatment?

LB: Hato akka, what Jaadoo ki Jappi nonsense. I have better remedy. I actually have Jaadu ki Shakti (Power of Broom) with me. I can simply sweep away any disease even before one gets sick. You padhe likhe log won’t believe in all that but I tell you akka, Jaadu se aksar nazar utaarte rehne se himmat hein koi bhimari aas paas bhi bhatke? Ab who bechara bandookwala Bhai kya jaane iss Bai ki pahunch.. (beaming with high-voltage flashy ear-to-ear grin).

Sorry folks, I think I have reached my translation limits in that last sentence. All I can share is our Laxmi Bai’s unique way of warding off the evil spirits by circling a broom 3 times each in clockwise and anti-clockwise directions and then burning it outside the house while mouthing choicest of the gaalis for the burre nazarwale. This I suppose is a traditional parampara of preventing sickness. I have myself been forcibly subjected to this special treatment by her, especially times when I were ill and down. I cannot vouch for its effectivness in anyway but you may contact Laxmi Bai for benefits info and special demonstration of the technique.

Hence in recognition of our dear Bai’s extraordinary therapeutic skills, we have now renamed her as Laxmi Bai, MBBS MD (Main Bhi Ban Sakti Mad Doctor). Any one willing to try out her remedy? Then Good Luck and Bhai Bai!

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