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Past Per#*ct, #utur* Bright
May 12, 2007 04:52 PM 5987 Views
(Updated May 15, 2007 09:44 PM)

Time travel is possible since Y2050. I traveled to Y2070 & returned to 2007 to write this.This is not a review. This is a narration of what I saw in Mouthshut in future.


Mouthshut has become a retro cult website. It was featured in wikipedia. Young generation has learnt about it from their grandfathers. Its now featured is Guinness & Ripley’s for being the most popular website in the universe. The HQ server crashed twice in 67 years with a downtime of more than 36 hrs. There were 2 consequential civil wars spread all over the world particularly in India between the geeks and the jerks. Yeah, there are only these two classes of people inhabiting in & outside of MS.


*Reviews & writing reviews


*There are 3 categories of reviews.


Retro style/ with video- it’s the classical style of writing grammatically correct reviews in English and it is somewhat same with what we had in Y 2007. 7500 characters are still a limit. The changes I saw that is, use of active hyperlinks in reviews are allowed, so that the writer can straightaway refer to the website/ blog other reviews/ pictures etc.  Many more words, are added to the banned word list eg- screw, egg, boo, hyuk, dum, gee, gloo, har, hic, om etc etc. also the letters f & e are not allowed in succession, as most members did’nt #el sa# anymore!


Fast reviews- tis is new category wher use of caps punctuations speling gramer absolut unnecessary its for people lacks pateinece / have no time to edit the reviews but have great passion knowledge to write wonderful cult stuff these revus are known as zero-xy, zero-yy, etc reviews (depending on the fastness) and are greatly popular among youngsters


Sms reviews- dis r 4 xtrmly bsy ppl. Wan2 rite, but lways n da mve. rvus can b smsed to MS & it get psted insntly ! ex- a revu of da cult clssc mvie Bheja Fry- ROFl stuff lol vinay 2 gud, shrt dur, gr8 luff lol rmk of french Dinner Game. Ranvir ok, Khalid C. MSt wtch w/ sps. Reco- 4- go ! cmts wlcm.


Coporate blogs- most of the Indian Corporates are member of MS. It’s market trend to be in MS. All consumer complaints are blogged, logged, commented & actioned. Bought an AC, which makes you hot? Mobile Phone, which works only as a radio? Vacuum cleaner sucks big time? Broadband is slow? Popcorn comedy made you cry? Bonds made you a vagabond? Go, blog it. The TAT for corporate responses is one of the key drivers of stock market performance. Consumer is the king, truly.


Rating reviews


The concept is changed. The terms are altered as mentioned below with meaning mentioned in the bracket.


VU=RR= Review rocks *(I am enlightened, you are my buddy)


U  = GR= Good review *(will look for more reviews, btw add/change your pic in the profile)


SU= NR= Not read *(irrelevant, I don’t know you anyway)


NU= TW= Time wasted *(review sucks, go get a life)


A review with an overall NR or TW ratings gets deleted automatically. HDD spaces are too expensive so an auto-destructive patch is embedded into the SORT technology.


*Trusted Circle


Name change to QPQ (quid pro quo- latin, "I'll scratch your back, if you scratch mine.")


Distrust Circle is replaced by AN (ad nauseam -to the point of disgust) where particular members can be blocked from rating & commenting on the reviews. However the QPQ & AN list can be hidden or displayed at the profile page.


The greatest advantage of blocking members & auto-destruction program altogether eliminated the need to flag members! Blocked members feature in Mouthsealed section.


Star Writers


The concept is changed. There are two categories of members.


Crusaders – They get a golden cross aside their Ids. These are the members who have changed the life of the people & the globe in general by writing reviews. Chronic constipation has been cured, Indian population has been controlled, the melting of polar ice is slowed down, Himesh stopped singing, Celina became a nun, Abhi-Aish marriage was saved, RGV stopped making movies, automobiles were redesigned, Air Deccan went off air. Many good deeds done by the crusaders were blessed to the future human race.


Mango members or the aam aadmis’- They have a small mango icon aside their ID. For lady members its pink, male has green. These are normal members who also live another life outside MS.


Auto-destructive members-The Mango members who continuously & consistently write TW reviews to get low ratings eventually get destructed automatically, courtesy another patch in the program. The less the hits in their review, the more wastage of HDD space and faster are the auto-destruction.


Crusaders cannot be auto-destructed.


*ROD/ HOF/ Hot reviews


Corporates complained about the quality of Review of the day.  So the change, **Reviews of the Day is not a single review- it’s a section, which contains ROB, ROD, ROW, ROS, ROG, NOS- of the babe, dude, wise, sage, gems & Nandeeta's respectively.


And to stop the roj roj ka naatak, theres ROJ- Review of the jerk !


Hot reviews are still there as it is.


Hall of fame is changed to Hole of flame- I could not decipher further, Need another trip.


A very special section names Bloo Job where few reviews, which sucked majority of members, are placed immortal. Unlike Hot review these reviews has no bearing with the hits & comments to them, it more like an archive. Such reviews are mostly written by auto-destructed members.


Comments


Commenting was never so much fun. Comments can be posted as-


Video comments- letting people know how you ROFLed or LMAOed was never so easy. Also a TW rating can be accompanied with a picture or video showing the middle finger. A picture is worth a thousand words; a video is worth thousand pictures. Just show it !


Sms comments – can be posted by reading a review on the mobile handset. Like GG KU (great going, keep it up)


The review writer can delete Ad homenium, derogatory comments. Blocked members cannot comment on the blocker’s review. The AN listed members can not comment too.


Due to the changes now comments have easily crossed 500 &1000 marks on popular reviews.


The Curse


Like all advancements MS had it’s own curse. Long long ago a desert quack had forecast a disease called Mouthshutitits. Like AIDS the disease gradually got spread all over and special Asylums were built to quarantine the severely affected victims. They scream RRC! RRC ! during their sleep.


The wiser members formed Mouthshutters Anonymous who meet up every week to avoid login to MS and catch up with life.


I have to end the narration here, time is up, future is calling me. What happened to the popular members? Read the sequel…coming up soon.


What happened to me? Logged out before I could see.


...


ps: Ab tak pachchis ( 25 till now) ! So far so good.


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