Atithi Devo Bhava Though we have all heard of this, I find that we are not so hospitable. Perhaps I should say that we have lost this talent. Although, earlier, we, especially Hindus, were not likely to invite others unless they were relatives, or of the same caste, as I remember how things were from my youth, people took a lot of trouble if a guest was expected. Till my thirties at least, I even noted this in my husband's ancestral home. As it was in Guruvayur, there were always people dropping in unexpectedly. And they were always received with great hospitality although it was humble fare. Up North, in what is now Pakistan, my mother said that my nanni sent almost all day with her Muslim friends at their place. North, South, East, West India was best at hospitality in ages past.
The Joy of Shared Meals My mother and mother-in-law both had many stories of the friends their husbands brought home for a meal. Since both these ladies had lived through hard times, these narratives spoke of the Herculean task it was to produce something wonderful with very little at hand. No gas, no fridge. My mother remembered one time when she was newly married when she had to cook on wet firewood for a group of Leftist poets my father had invited.
Even later, I've seen both of them do magic in a short time should guests be expected.
Apart from this, especially in North India, or particularly in Delhi, a glass of water was offered to the guest first. It is only when, once, my husband and I drove all the way across Delhi from Gurgaon to meet some distant relatives or friends from South India that I realised the value of that glass of water. Being from the South where summer is not as lethal as in Delhi, no one offered us water. And it was the height of summer.
Neighbourliness Regional customs apart, in India, if a neighbour sees that we are locked out of our house by chance or some relative comes and we are not at home, the neighbour will call us into their house and offer refreshments.
When I lived in Malaysia, no neighbour called me into their homes. I was told that such friendly behaviour among neighbours was only seen in the Kampung(village).
However, when I returned after five years I felt that we had changed. In some ways it is nice. No one drops in out of the blue which can be annoying. The bell will not ring just because the neighbour wants a screwdriver or some sugar. At least not as often as before. Thankfully, I've still had neighbours who will "trouble" me for something and whom I can also "trouble" at will.
Without this, life would be like being on a desert island.
Lost Values But the point I want to make here is that, perhaps, we are not so hospitable to those from other countries.
Earlier, it was mainly Westerners who came to India and they received great hospitality. Maybe even now they do. They also get some terrible treatment which blackens us in the eyes of the world. Especially their womenfolk.
But I'm still far from my real focus.
Once upon a time,as well evidenced by historical accounts, particularly those which are not from the West, we were very hospitable to each other and to those from all neighbouring regions who traveled our lands. The Chinese, the Africans, the Afghans, etc.
Today, when I walk around my area here, I see the sweet and slightly naughty Iranian little boy playing mostly alone. His main companion is a little Korean girl. The Korean girl's elder sister who is some 12 years old is also alone.
I observed how that little boy is teased by young Indian men. One even asked the boy if he was fasting-is that anything to ask a child? It is not too harsh but I wonder if these youths can think how their son would feel if the same happened when they went to another country. I do not know the truth of the matter but I should think that we should see all these children playing together.
There is also the fact that the British and all the other colonialists left us all hating each other. I wonder if we will be able to overcome that.
Alien in One’s Homeland Let alone people from other countries, we all know how the people from the North East are treated.
Do those of us who have some education stop to think about it? Do we teach our children to discriminate thus?
I do not see the benefits.
Indians are traveling on work and for leisure far and wide these days. Would not a positive account by those who visit us leave a better atmosphere for us when we go to their countries?
It could be that the individual brain is not equipped to find a way out of this by itself.
Maybe we need a policy, something that can be taught at school, some PSAs, which will help us be better hosts to people from elsewhere just as we desire to be treated well wherever we go.
Good and friendly behaviour can make better business relations, peace between nations and much else that is beneficial.
