Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++
Equation 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey
In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
Equation 3
Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

How to Identify cities in India

Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and They start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.
You are in Goa
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are DEFINITELY IN Punjab

you may have read this before but i found the huge collection in one of my mails

All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.

Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.

The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.

The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent".

The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

The whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.

India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

'Hippopotomonstrosesquipped
aliophobia' is the fear of long words.

Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school.

Phobatrivaphobia is a fear of trivia about phobias !!

It is impossible to lick your elbow. ( We know you gonna try this !!! )

A snail can sleep for 3 years. ( wow, lucky chap eh ? )

The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start

In 1883 the explosion of the volcano Krakatoa put so much dust into the earth's atmosphere that sunsets appeared green and the moon appeared blue around the world for almost two years.

"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.

Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Say no evil ).

55 per cent of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn. Reading about yawning makes most people yawn. hello, zzzzz zzzz ?

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .


The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.


The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.


Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I".

A tribute to Mahatma Gandhi
See No Evil

But if tou see evil tell everyone, Kill the Evil.

Hear No Evil

But if you happen to hear evil, cut his tongue so he can't talk Evil any further.

Talk No Evil

Yes! this we can practice as it is.

Here are some delectable quotes on marriage.
You may have heard of some of them already.
Nonetheless, they are worth a read,
if not for anything else, just to tickle the funny bone
of all of us married men.

Dedicated to all married....
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It is a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It is funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged.
It is like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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If u r married please ignore this message, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there is no choice.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the 0ther ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Cheers ( still :-) )

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, 'Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it.' She turns to him with a smirk and says,

'You want ketchup on that?

' The salesman says, 'Why do you ask?'

She says, 'We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet.'

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...
a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;

His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome..He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself..

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.

Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.
"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome,but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .

The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.