Oct 19, 2002 02:49 PM
8391 Views
(Updated Oct 19, 2002 11:33 PM)
TACKY to the core. There.. I said it, now read on to know why I feel so.
The Cast
Samuel L. Jackson (in the worst role of his life) - Rebellious NSA agent meets Scarface (his face got scarred while he was saving the US of A... boo hoo). Scarface is a ''zarra hat ke'' kinda guy and wants to recruit thugs, ex-convicts (the usual law-breakin' scum) as secret agents to penetrate and destroy a group called Anarchy 99 (read more below).
Enter Xander sumthin' (Vin Diesel)- Tattooed Extreme Sportsman cum Political Activist (???) meets James Bond. He's bald, he's ugly and he's oh sooo... DUH! Loose a few pounds, bald guy.
He rides Corvettes off bridges, jumps bikes across fences and over farm-houses while dodging bullets being fired from TWO ATTACK HELICOPTERS and snowboards through the Swiss Alps (wasn't he supposed to be near Prague) with an AVALANCHE biting at his ass!
Meet Anarchy 99 - International terrorists, assassins, car thieves, nightclub owners, failed rock band with a bad east European accent... you decide. Aliana - Bosnian refugee meets Kate Moss (isn't the waif look outdated). Zero acting talent, nuff said. Anarchy 99 also includes a second-hand wig from Romania and two beer-drinking gorillas.
The Plot
There isn't any. No, really.
The first 30 minutes of the movie make no sense at all (not like the rest of it does). Yes, there are some good stunts in slow-motion (hello John Woo), shot from different angles, but these are over-done. The slow-mo scenes go on forever... kinda boring. The gadget guy is straight out of a Bond movie... yawn.
The dialogues are the tackiest I've heard (move over David Dhawan). The camera work is slick. The background score is Heavy Metal. And the GUI's are Hollywood (who's seen computer screens like the ones in Hollywood flicks, remember Swordfish?)
The Audience
XXX will appeal to the sub-teen, video-gaming, skate-boarding, gum-chewing, nerd crowd.
Sooner than later, there's bound to be more XXX flicks. And no points for guessing, I'm going to skip all of those, cos I'd rather watch my kind of XXX movies ;-)
