ATM machines made simple . Review on Tips for Using ATM Machine

Since it's my duty to advice everyone on how to use and do things and I have more tips at the tip of my finger than most, here's my set of tips for proper ATM usage and also proper grammatical usage.

There are several techniques one can employ at the ATM machine. Each one is more complex than the other and involves loads of skill and perseverance. Let's analyze them:

First the serious technique:

• Make sure the humanoids standing behind you aren't peeping

  
  




• Slide your card into the slot(right side up)

  
  




• Enter your pin number(4 digit number which they give you and which you easily forget)

  
  




• Choose Language

  
  




• Choose your account

  
  




• Type in the Amount you need

  
  




• Slide the card in once again for verification(some ATMs dont do this)

  
  




• Listen to the sounds and watch the money slide out

  
  




• Grab it. grab the card. wait for the THANK YOU message and leave

  
  

PS: Do not stick the PIN number on your fridge or on a Post It in your cubicle.

The Rajnikant Technique

• Flick out your card

  
  




• Throw it in the air

  
  




• Watch it twirl in slow motion

  
  




• Flick a comb from your back pocket and style your mane

  
  




• Take out a pistol and shoot the card

  
  




• Catch it in your mouth(the card not the bullet)

  
  




• Apply for new card as this one's destroyed

  
  

The Amitabh Bachchan Technique

• Slip the card into the slot and wait for the first question

  
  




• The question is'Hindi' or'English'

  
  




• Use your first lifeline to answer this(phone a friend)

  
  




• The friend says Hindi

  
  




• Now you have to decipher the next question as Hindi isn't in your resume

  
  




• After asking the dude behind you to translate, the next question is'Savings or Checking'

  
  




• You use your second lifeline and eliminate Checking

  
  




• Two lifelines later. the ATM machine asks you what's the amount you need. you enter 10000. WRONG ANSWER. YOUR CARD IS CONFISCATED. NEXT!

  
  

The Cyrus Brocha Technique

• Drink lots of coke

  
  




• Wipe your nose

  
  




• Take out your card and wipe your nose with the card

  
  




• Slip it in(for some reason the card slides in quicker. thanks to the lubricants)

  
  




• Tease everyone standing behind you

  
  




• Hit all the buttons at once

  
  




• Blow up the ATM machine.

  
  

The Caveman Technique

• Scr*w the card

  
  




• Break the ATM machine with your club

  
  




• Take money

  
  




• Leave

  
  

For more techniques. write to CITIBANK. c/o CITIBANK. PO Somewhere.

~peace~

PS: I love these advice topics