Apr 26, 2004 05:32 PM
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(Updated Apr 26, 2004 05:32 PM)
Well being a software professional myself, I thought I should alert all MS?ians of some dangerous viruses and worms which are floating around. If you receive any DVD or CD with the following trademarks, please destroy them as they could wreck havoc with your system. So here are some of the most deadly viruses floating around.
AK-MK: This virus has been invented by one Raj Kumar Kohli, as a revenge against us for not accepting his son, Armaan(nee Munish) Kohli as the hero. The deadliest thing about this virus, is that it?s a main virus called Armaan Kohli, which is hidden behind layers of Bollywood star names. So when you run the DVD on your system, it seems many viruses are attacking it and you start deleting all the offending files. But the main virus escapes and has a tendency to stone wall your system. This virus is identified by it?s ability to turn itself into a snake, a demon , an eagle, even a fat and buxom heroine. Can drag your system to ages of nagins, rishis, thakurs and bhoots. DVD?s bearing this stamp are Nagin, Jaani Dushman, Jaani Dushman-Ek Anokhi Kahani( BEWARE THIS IS MORE DANGEROUS), Jeene Nahin Doonga, Insaniyat Ke Dushman. Watching these DVD?s could give the viewers headache and permanent deafness.
TLV: Now this is the only virus in the world, whose origin has been traced to Ooty. The person behind this virus is one T.L.V.Prasad, who insists he has a divine right to torture users. The main backer of this virus has been one Mithun Chakraborty, who was basically a decent actor, but for reasons unknown, have seen him wreck havoc with Prasad on countless systems. This virus can be identified with it?s signature tune of an Altaf Raja song, followed by songs like Kava Kava, Kubu Kubu, Choo Choo. Next we have a dialogue on Kanoon and Insaaf popping up, and then a fat and buxom heroine with thundering thighs pops up on the screen. Don?t even touch the DVD bearing this virus, since it has a record of never missing it?s mark. Most of the viruses have missed their mark a couple of times, but this one has always succeeded in destroying an entire system. Watching this DVD could lead to permanent loss of memory, since I had the misfortune of watching one, and after that I have forgotten the name of that movie as well as all other DVD?s bearing this trademark.
· SAAWAN: Seems a pretty benign name for a virus, more so when you consider that saawan is the season of joy in India. Well that is the biggest danger with this virus, which has been developed by one Saawan Kumar Tak. Unlike the previous viruses which come with loud deafening sounds, bangs and crashes, this one starts off with a nice Lata song which attracts the user?s attention.Once the song is over you have a message ?Kyonki Souten Bhi Kabhi Mother Thi? and then followed by a message ?Mother-2004?. That?s warning enough for you to switch off the DVD.
This DVD could cause some new characters to keep falling like rain drops on your screen. Generally downloaded from Mauritius or New Zealand. DVD?s bearing this trademark are the Souten series, Sanam Bewafa, Sanam Harjai and the most dangerous of all Mother. Watching this DVD could lull you into sleep while the Virus wrecks your system. On second thoughts, this could be a good gift to your Soutens or any bewafa Sanams.
· Bhatt Seriously: Don?t mistake this one to be the Phil Collins album bearing a similar name. This virus has a very interesting history in that unlike other viruses which are the work of disgruntled individuals, this one has been created by a clan called as the Bhatts. The patriarch of this clan is Mahesh Bhatt who was basically a good director, but arrogance and egoism, turned him to a megalomaniac, who insists that user?s must see these DVD?s whether they like it or not. The Bhatts are like a mafia clan, either you watch their DVD?s or die. The other members of their clan are Vikram ?Sonny? Bhatt , Pooja ?Pouting? Bhatt and Mukesh Bhatt.
The patriarch claims that he doesn?t care for the white man?s whatever and he hates Hollywood. But this virus does exactly that, it feeds into your system, and if you have any Hollywood movie stored on your disk, it copies the entire movie frame by frame. While the virus initially only copied, parts of the movie, Vikram refined the virus to copy the entire Hollywood flick scene by scene. The trademark signature of this virus is that starts off with a four letter word and then flashes it?s motto ? Lifting Hollywood flicks is my copyright and I shall have it?. Watching this DVD could make you have an identity crisis whether you are an Indian or not, and even alter your perceptions of India( lawyers wearing mini skirts( Kasoor), biker gangs( Ghulam)). DVD?s bearing this trademark are Ghulam, Kasoor, Fareib, Madhosh, Jaanam( any Vikram Bhatt classic), Criminal, Junoon.
· DhanDhanaDhan: Bang, Crash, Boom. Oh God, this virus has a tendency to make real loud sounds on your PC. Can really blow up your system or throw it off guard. Devised by Guddu Dhanoa, this virus is very eagerly promoted by the Deol brothers(Sunny/Bobby). The trademark signature of this virus is that it begins with a loud sound, followed by shots of cars blowing up and heroes screaming. Then you have shouts of ?Bastard, Kutte, Kamine? followed by the name Deol. Enough signal for you to switch off your system immediately. Else you could end up even addressing your close friends as ?Kutte, Kamine?. The other contributors to this virus are Anil Sharma and Raj Kanwar. Of late the virus has even assumed a dangerous tendency of pretending to be an intellectual in DVD?s like Shaheed1931 and Hawa. Other DVD?s bearing this trademark are Ziddi, Salakhen, Bichoo.
· BCJ: And now my fellow MS ians we come to the most deadly and dangerous virus of all, called the BCJ after it?s 3 inventors, Sooraj Barjatya, Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar. I call it the most dangerous virus, because while other viruses do give indication of their danger and make the user alert, this one doesn?t. Rather this virus brainwashes you into believing that everything is good and nice. Seduces the user with bright pictures of happy families, huge mansions, exotic locations, sexy babes, sleek cars, ooh so picture perfect. Has a trademark music of La La La going on in the background. Words like Pyaar, Ishq, Mohabbat, Dil keep coming and going.
This entices many gullible users, and once the DVD is over, they find that the virus has cleaned up the entire hard disk and all the important files are lost. Watching this DVD can make the user dumb for life. Has already affected large sections of Indian population in US, UK and Canada who have been brainwashed into believing that this is not exactly a virus.
