These are the skilled directors who have managed to enhance my movie-going experience and have enthralled me with the sheer power of their vision.
Dharmesh Darshan: A Formula Follower.
Remember Raja Hindustani? This is the movie responsible for launching a new image of(the then loud and overdone) Karishma. In this extremely unrealistic, psychedelic movie, especially notable is the challenging verbal exchange between the village idiot cum simpleton taxi driver, Raja Hindustani and Karishma, the hot, rich girl who visits a hill station called Palanket, ably accompanied by her assistant(a manly Navneet Nishan in a boy-cut).
In this stimulating conversation, a thoroughly confused Aamir says “Than-ku memsahib” and “come come memsahib” when Karishma calls him a “dilbar jaani” (darling) and “paagal” (mad man) and “joker” (clown) and croons with happiness “oh! Raa…jjaa.aaHhh!” (Oh, Raja!).
Truly memorable!
I also had the misfortune of watching* "Mela"(starring a puppet called Twinkle. I went down on my knees and thanked God when she retired), “Dhadkan” *and another resplendent work of his called, *“Haan! Maine bhi Pyar kiya hain.”
All of his repulsive works are based on tried and tested bollywood formulas.
Subhash Ghai: A Pompous Show Man.
For starters, his movies are loud, severely pedestrian, pathetic and use popular clichés such as portraying ALL OF western culture as bad(Pardes) or focusing on rich versus poor dynamics(Yaadein and Taal) or have a majboor beti theme(Taal and Pardes). All movies with this legendary man at the helm, suffer from similar afflictions.
I was delirious with joy when Kisna, his directorial magnum opus and patriotic saga (where he gave insights about the colonial rule in India and how Britishers spoke in Hindi even while conversing with each other(?)) flopped miserably.
He’s best known for pompous and arrogant statements such as “I made stars out of Meenakshi Sheshadri(Horrors! Sorry for reminding you of HER) and Madhuri Dixit, and now I’m going to make a star out of Mahima Choudhary” or something to that effect, when he announced that he’s going to make Pardes.
He also tagged himself with a pompous title called “Show Man, ” and that is probably why he LOVES to “show” himself wearing cowboy hats and making all sorts of weird gestures, in most of his directorial masterpieces.
Saawan Kumar Tak: A Murderer of audiences, who made ‘Mother.’
He is the personality that is to be singularly credited with a monstrosity called “Mother” starring an aged Rekha(mysteriously named *Mrs. Brittania) and three strange men(Jeetendra, Randhir Kapoor and what’s-his-name), all laying claim for fatherhood of Rekha’s teenage daughter. Only someone of Mr. Tak’s caliber could have imagined such a piece of art.
Another gem to have taken shape in his capable hands is ‘Khalnayika, ’ a dangerous psychological warfare, with Anu Agarwal(of ‘Aashiqui’ fame) playing the title character. This film also starred an aged Jaya Prada, an aged Jeetendra and Varsha ‘cheap bimbo’ Usgaonkar, apart from having several memorable numbers of the “Choli” type.
Most of his works suffer from severe melodrama and usually explore the fascinating themes of rape, one-night stands and extramarital affairs.
Sooraj Barjaatya: A Family Fanatic.
Family pet Pomeranians. Family pet animated parrots, pigeons and the like. Family servants. Family milkmaids. Family mansions. Family vacations. Family members.
Well nourished, well-rounded and well dressed family relatives with permanent gleaming eyes and saccharine sweet syrupy smiles who pop up at any time, especially during “Family Functions, ” such as engagement ceremonies, wedding parties, birthdays and house-cleaning days(okay! I made that up).
A “Family Honeymoon.” What don’t believe me? Watch *“Hum Saath Saath Hain” *(we seven are together) and then talk to me!
The whole “family” breaking into a song and dance routine even if the slightest opportunity presents itself.
Family cricket matches where the sweet white fur ball and family pet, Pomeranian(as mentioned above) plays the umpire.
Oh, Lord! This man is obsessed with “large joint families.” My heart twitches and turns into unnatural positions whenever I encounter one of his overly sweet, cloying and clichéd stories about large families, their associated trials & tribulations and all such bunkum.
This is the man responsible for the sprawling-mansions-syrupy-smiles-regressive-values syndrome that Karan Johar, Aditya Chopra and the likes suffer from today. He is the one who started it all!
Raj Kumar Kohli: An Icchadaari ‘Insane’ Insaan.
This director(?) has the ability to take you on a wild ride into a parallel universe consisting of ‘regular’ icchadaari nags and nagins, Rishi’s performing severe penance for centuries on end, ‘cursed’* icchadaari nags and nagins, ‘reincarnated’ *icchadaari nags and nagins, ‘dancing-on-small-hills’ *icchadaari nag and nagins *etc.
He is the man behind the portrayal of a truly real-life scary Reena Roy as an *icchadaari nagin in a film aptly named “Naagin” and for a precious gem called “Jaani Dushman, ” which casts one half of all the actors and singers in bollywood. His vivid imagination to date remains unparalleled.
Karan Johar: Kreepy Karan.
For the reasons that he’s in this list and for more details refer to my review on “Magic, movies and success of Karan Johar, ” where I hope I did him full justice?
Aditya Chopra: Sun that stopped shining
The only movie of his that I liked is ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge.’ After that, he simply went downhill and since then had reached rock bottom. He is the person behind atrocities like *Neal and Nikki(produced by him), a severely flawed Bunty Aur Babli *(okay, shoot me!) and the senseless blockbuster heist-gone-wrong *Dhoom-2(again, okay shoot me!).
I don’t find any difference between his movies and those of Karan Johar’s, in subject, treatment, and extravagance, usage of established stars and lack of experimentation.
Tulsi Ramsay/Shyam Ramsay: Horror Maestros.
The granddaddies of the bollywood horror genre. They introduced us to ghosts and goblins and ‘bhatakti hui aatmas’(souls that are wandering). A common scenario in all of Ramsay’s products is that of a girl dying in less than ideal circumstances and becoming a Bhatakti Hui Aatma to seek revenge on all those dirty mortals who dared to torment her while alive.
Contd.in the comments section(includes remaining review and Runners Up!)
