Often technology appears to complicate life rather than simplify things. If all you ever wanted is food , then you could pluck it from anywhere I suppose, without all the technological stuff. No, man also wanted clothing for protection. And he skinned animals to get it. Shelter. I guess that was when he made his first tools of the trade. And then he invented the wheel. I guess he found a purpose, but the infinite uses of a wheel are just the bane. The same with cellular phones. To get to the point, this review is rather on how to avoid spam callers rather than technology.
Guess I thought I’d broach this subject seeing the rise in these spam callers. I have a few tips for every situation, but most are specific to a situation. When you are waiting for a very important call, just imagine the phone rings. And expecting to hear the familiar voice you say Hello when you are cut off.. “Good Afternoon, this is Citibank financial services……”
Which color do you turn? I first turn pink in embarrassment (wondering if I am the person who made the call), then an orange red (as I realize I haven't), and finally a full red as I steam up (When I realize that I have been subjected to telephonic sales.) But what’s the point? That guy has your number and will probably keep calling till you give him a decent answer.
Well, I guess, not anymore. As part of evolution, I am evolving myself to this cycle. I actually enjoy their calls now (Darwin’s survival of the fittest!) In fact sometimes I am too eager and patiently wait for someone!
The secret? None. Just speak normally and let them bite the bullet! Here are a few situations and how I handle them.
The phone rings. Airtel’s calling. (The automated calls.) That’s the most irritating encountered so far. I can understand if you call the helpdesk and hear an automated voice. But they call me up and force me to listen to an automated voice? And try and force me to go through their limited options.(sick jokers) I was purple for a brief period there.
First I tried to block the number by calling up their helpdesk (Which fails to work. They ring you up from some other number!) . Nada. No go. So each time they called, I just let them rant. As soon as the automated voice begins, I just keep the mobile at a distance and see my monitor dance! (Not much joy, there) But I believe I gain sadistic pleasure by thinking that it’s their network. Let them spend that much on the automated stuff..
The phone rings after lunchtime. I was sleeping when I said hello sleepily. The caller states, “Good day sir, This is Citibank financial services. My name is … We are offering personal loans at very low rates. Would you be interested?“ By Jove! Interested is an understatement. Earlier I used to state no weakly and switch off the mobile. But this time I was really irritated. Especially since it was the same caller, (you can recognize their voice most often) What makes him think I would not be especially since he woke me up from my sleep? I feel like #@$%$%$^%^%^ So, I said, quite surely, “Yes, Yes, Please do! In fact I am looking for one right now. What is the rate of interest you offer?”
I wile away about half an hour in chit chatting with the guy and let him do most of the talking. The guy realizes that he has explained everything and needs me to make a decision. That’s when I pointed out. My dad’s not at home. Can you call me up later?
The guy probably gave me a knives and daggers look especially after I had spent around 30 -40 minutes chatting with him and haggling the interest rates. But I guess he couldn’t do much, so he said ok and kept the phone. That was a very meek ok – Of frustration. And I never did receive the call again.
My favorite replies to credit card sellers -
You are calling a HSBC executive. Would you be interested in a credit card from HSBC? Our rates of interest are (.5 % lesser than what he quoted)
(In a sober tone) My thrill died! Could you call me later, please? (The callers always say ok and disconnect, but I guess they must’ve been scratching their heads nevertheless!)
If it’s a woman caller with an accent (you can be sure she is unmarried)
Try and get her to reveal her name and address details. That would be like fishing!
If you have language preferences, then state
Arre, bhai, angrezi meri samaj ke bahar hain. Hindi aati hain kya?
Or try one of the regional dialects. The less heard or spoken, the better. (Try Konkani, Tulu)
Once I tried this too.
I said hold please and went back to bursting crackers!!!
You must be wondering if I am a pervert. I refuse that claim. If those guys take pleasure in calling me and disturbing me at the oddest of hours most of the times, why shouldn’t I atleast take some joy out of it? Of course they are humans too and just doing their job. But their job is a nuisance to me! Has anyone ever realized that? Why should I put up with their sales talk? If I am interested in taking a loan or a credit card, I always walk to the bank. The same with any other offers. Go to the nearest dealers.
To top it, the government has introduced a stupid rider. They state that you should add your name to the list of callers who do not want to receive these calls. My take? I never gave them permission to ring me in the first place, so why should I add myself to the list? By adding myself to the list, haven’t I agreed that I have requested them to call me up?
Of course there are the decent callers too. They call you and ask you before they proceed with the sales pitch. That is fine by me. I usually give them a patient hearing and inform them about my response.
Scam is the buzzword for me. There’s an even bigger scam going on. A lady calls me up and informs me that my telephone number is among 7500 numbers selected randomly and am eligible for a free gift. I was interested and asked her, what do I get? “Sir, that’s the surprise! You need to attend the meeting today at 6:00. At the end you will be given a free gift worth 7500/-“
Well you know the rest of the scam….
I asked her to try picking the number again, this time, from a million numbers. I prefer staying the loser!
One particular time, this woman caller was very rude… On top of it, she wanted to speak to a certain person. I informed her that she was calling the wrong number. She started arguing that it was not possible as this was the number provided in the records. I’d feel like banging my head against the wall, but survived (probably for lack of it…. )
I managed to convince her that she was calling the wrong number and she disconnected the call calling me very rude and for wasting her time!
I guess SIGH some are meant to be lost!
Take care
