After the poorer cousin of our National carrier known as the Maharajah... of International Airlines, more for its snootishness & recklessness to passengers than for service... bit the dust in the post-liberalisation era...

There were a bunch of 4-5 private domestic Airlines competing against each other to catch the attention of the emergent ’novueau riche’ upper middle class buoyed by liberalization, raise of Information Technology (IT) industry, entry of MNCs & a trend of Engineers opting for MBAs to get those sky high salaries.

Jet, Set, Go...

The fore-runner in this race to attract the jet-setters was this Airlines aptly called [then] ’Jet Airways’... a very good classy service with a smile... newer air-crafts... well maintained interiors.... good stock of newspapers [dailies] to read... gorgeous Air hostesses & hunky Air-hosts [can I call them that Shakespeare?]... Felt like you were close to heaven. Oops... forgot ’Heaven’ is a verboten word to be used while flying at 10,000 feet

No doubt this Airlines gave its competitors a run for money most of them vanishing without trace like ’Modi-Lufth’... what? All except ’Air Sahara’ which has a strong ’Parivaar’ [family] of promoters behind it & of course the old monopoly the dilapidated ’Indian Airlines’ which continues to be a big drain on our Govt. Treasury [when they put it for sale... they couldn’t get any decent deals... the prices were ’Kabbaad ki Dukhaan’ (garbage vendor?) type...]

So what went wrong?

Well, without competition the lethargy has set in. From customer-first the attitude has changed to ’They have no better options’.

It is an open secret that we Indians think straight from our stomach... given our penchant for spicy food & love for experimentation with exquisite & exotic spices [called as Masalas]... It hurts most when the blow is just above the belt...

I had a taste(?) of Newtons third law [action/reaction] at 10,000 ft. when I put one of stuff; they gave to me as food. The moment I put it in, it automatically came out on it’s own [ Thank God for those blue ’Air sickness’ bags].

It was tasting worser than ’rotten Vegetables’ served as veggie food [ I can bet a grand that even cows/goats won’t eat it] served in International Airlines like KLM/NorthWest [ Lost in the Westerns?] , or Lufthansa [ the most hated German thing after Hitler & Frankfurt Airport ].

Whats happening? Saving money on even food stuffs? or lack of quality control?

Have also even seen Air-hostesses often serving ’Fruit Juice’ to few passengers while serving plain water to others.. The logic is simple... the ratio of Juice to water is 1/10... If an air-hostess comes to you with just a platter having water, what will you do? Either take it, skip it... or ask her to get some juice [daring her ’you... nasty...’ looks].

But Must admire the business acumen of the masterly MBA who devised this Master-Plan. [ why do these MBAs spend more time plotting things like reducing size of Coffee/Tea cups, serving half-cup coffee etc. rather than try to increase business? ]

Shark Bait?

The idea of safety for Economy class passengers in Jet Airways is [like all others] ’Hold tightly on to the bottom portion of your seats to keep floating’ like ’Hold on to the log of wood tightly’ in Titanic days.

For what? So that Sharks can leisurely feast on you for supper? While Business class travelers are given the space-suit type swim-suits brightly colored [to attract sharks?] like the [missing] ’Luxury Rescue Boats’ in Titanic. So much for progressiveness (regressiveness?) in 21st century.

Teri Naani Mari Tho Mein Kya Karoon? ( Callous Attitude)

Sometimes the attitude of Jet Airways counter staff reminds us of the above hit Govinda-Karishma song which means I don’t care a heck lest your granny died?

The reasons probably being recruitment of brash Brat-pack right off the colleges [to save paying higher salaries], inadequate training [to cut costs?]... & now lack of competition to make them lax about ’Consumer Satisfaction Index’

[ Oh... Satan... the lord of the living boiling fire... threatening us humans with a dire immortal fate.... what would have Gods world become... except for thy active competition with the good Lord for the soul of the snobbish monkeys yet to become humans... us Homo Sapiens]

Bitter Kaapi (Coffee) on first flight

They follow this illogical practice of distributing Sugar & Milk cream with the food. It is optional in a basket(?) they carry [with no help verbal or otherwise from the Air-hostess] along. You need to figure it out yourselves.

Then when they bring Kaapi (Coffee) they don’t get cream or Sugar. So you get your first taste of bitter, strong, sugarless, milkless Coffee [ We Indians are suckers for lots of milk & sugar in our Kaapi] on your first flight. Unless you break your silence & ask for Cream & Sugar without looking at the Air-hostess [ to avoid her snare ].

Good Riddance?

So you are about to get down. Don’t be surprised if they don’t wish you on your way out [busy in their own gossip], while even Deutsche (german) mannequins try to smile [ trying to prove the old adage ’Germans don’t smile’ false] & greet you ’Guten Abend’ [ Good Abandon? ;)]

If losers were to be choosers

I don’t have much choice but to recommend them for lack of better alternatives. Personally I haven’t travelled by Indian Airlines or Air Sahara... but that was after listening to the harrowing experience of colleagues & friends who dared to.

The only other domestic airlines I have ever tried are ’Deutsche Lufthansa’ [ German Lufthansa - serving(?) German domestic flights] & North-West [ North-Waste]. But after travelling on these Airlines from Hell... Even Michael Meyer of Halloween fame looks Mahatma Gandhi to me...

No. of times flown on this Airlines:	Between 4 - 6
Class flown most frequently:	Economy Class