Apr 11, 2014 12:08 AM
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(Updated Apr 11, 2014 04:22 PM)
Seriously? Is there a thing called frenzied loyalty in showbiz? Is there a bifurcation between a normal fan, a patronizer and/or a die-hard fan in the industry?
The kind of(fan) who would sit through even the most dullest, the stupidest ordeals ever to have graced the silver screen this side of the west?
Wonder what Quentin Tarantino would think about this work. I recently came to know Quin is a big fan of genre cinema, that he loves long drawn Bollywood epics too. Time & tide ain't an issue for poor Quin. Because he enjoys these movies! Way to go Quin. Please don't come up with your Homage to Bollywood romance for we have plenty of Yash Johar imitators already.
Is there a die-hard fan? Or rather does Quintin also belong to one of them? I honestly don't think so.
You make films, you work around the clock, some click, some don't, some becomes an indelible bedfellow in our lives and some lives a short life akin to that of a bootlegger's, for lack of a better word'schlockmeister's' television Ads. We fondly call them the'100 crore' club movie or'200 crores' or'300 cr' or may be even more.
These are the films that comes with'Universal Happy' film tagline bills forehand and drives us nuts with over familiarity.
In Yash Chopra's case, he has made films which could tick off all the above mentioned boxes. Films which flows with unbridled energy, glossy exotica's and foreign locations per-se and films that make you yawn till it dries up in the epiglottis, till a gasp catches you or something and you become an Asthma patient. Gha. Gha. Bha. Bha. Rush for the oxygen cylinder. Pump up electric shocks to the chests. Plug in the IPOD, with Gangnam style on fast forward mode for this movie is just timidly ridiculous.
Not just ridiculous. Plainly, Timidly, unusually fantabulously, posthumously ridiculous. A beautiful mess dusted up with the perennial Love triangle mantra set in the hackneyed locations imaginable and acted by stars who were treading miles behind the eight ball. Don't get me wrong if this was a tourist promotion or a sexy magazine shoot then it does its job, pretty easily.
But. Having said that. I've to exhort - I just didn't get it. Was Yash Chopra trying to make a spoof comedy or something.? The romantic version of Andaz Apna Apna.? It ain't a bady way sign off or is it, you know by showing off apna apna signature styles? With SRK's'Samar' being cast as the new age Forrest gump retarded nay retreaded, bomb defusing Military expert roaming around in an Enfield @ J&K, and tied up in between two pretty looking women in Katrina Kaif and Anushka Sharma, who seemingly carries around an Aphasia patient's version of'Love' - Jab Tak Hai Jaan is one of the most patience testing love story I've ever seen.
This ain't an aberration but an honest deposition from a frenzied cinemaholic. The guy befriends Kat's Meera like he always used to, preaching our stereotypical Hindustani ladki soon after her farce betrothal had finished in B-town's Johari city London not NY, and the other girl meets our hero 10 years down the line, whilst doing somersault and toddler pads in a shoestring down studio lake set up and bubbles in it desperately till our hero gulps the last zip of his favored Starbucks coffee plunges himself to the abyss and rescues the mad child in a matter of minutes.
After she comes out, she asks - "Kya dekh rahi thi itni der.? Pehle Nahi aa sakti.?" May be poor SRK, an abiding moron of Yash Johar's last, was indicted to suffocate a long mauling death. He not only seems a misfit in JTHJ but also didn't respond to Focus puller's action/cut call. Then ensues a maddening love-story epic starting from the London version to the J&K and going wrong, wrong, wrong every tiny step of the way.
Hero ka wapaz aana, accident, retro something amnesia, loss of memory, memento, Christopher Nolan, bull sht bull sht bull sht all wrapped up in a 3 hour screenplay that tests the living daylights out of you. Jab Tak Hai Jaan hah.? Mein toh Bangalore traffic pe marthe marthe bach chuka after watching the movie and came out with a big fking lynchian dot looming above me!
How could I pen down the utter incoherence in its presentation, I just don't know.
And moreover, if you had the bad fortune to carry around a chishmish type of girl friend, who posses a never ending craving for such materials, you also have to fathom that ultimate sucker for romance fanboy's forlorn quibble - "Comeon Yah. Yeh Ithni buri film nahi thi. Entertaining hein. Engaging hein. Stars hein. Romance hain. Mein puri pop-corn kha chuki one sitting pein. Tuh kyu so gaye.?"
I don't know how to respond to such a naive query. I can only imagine. And neither I could come up with plausible reasoning's which could explain to you as to what prompted these big guns to do a project like this.?
Was it the desperation.? Loneliness? Lack of work? Depression?
Well whatever the hell it was, it definitely didn't work on me. With all due respect to the late Yash Chopra this film does have its moments. One sporadic, here & there with the stars dusted up in super close-ups set in a foreign loc. The reason why I'm not discussing the pros of this cumcee, cumca Yash Johar affair simply lies in the fact that I'm matured enough to know that some one-one emotional scenes and romantic clandestine won't work until & unless you have a coherent story there & there about to back things up.
JTHJ lacks that. A serviceable story to root for coupled with characters with weather and soul vis-a-vis designer tags and skinny tight skirts. In a movie that seems so bloated out of proportions - I'm in favor of that! The skin show, the sexy bareback. Whatever:)
You also see it if you are also desperate. If you also belong to'Die Hard' category then Bruce Willis mere puttar you won't be disappointed. Thank you.
