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THE LISTLESS LIST

Nov 17, 2004 10:49 PM 6584 views

(Updated Nov 19, 2004 06:43 PM)

Hello folks. Welcome to award giving ceremony of the worst commentators. Well, Applications have poured in from all quarters with special mention to the sub-continent region. The competition has been tight. To get a fairer picture we need to filter the worst from the worse & crown the ultimate killer of cricket.


Here we go,


RANJIT FERNANDO: - For those who don’t know him, here is a mild intro of the greatest Sri Lankan commentator of all time. For him Sri Lanka is the greatest team to have graced the game. This fellow things all others who are watching the game are nuts. Even if Mr.Muttiah bowls are real bad delivery and gets hit for four, he outrageously blurts out, mishit four. I can still remember when Sourav and Rahul where blasting Sri Lankans all over the park in that World Cup game, this fellow said that the pitch would suit the bowlers early on and when they were hit so badly this fellow did a complete somersault to say, a wonderful batting wicket. His nasal Tamil-Singhalese-English accent adds virus to the already infected disease.


RAMIZ RAJA: -What can you say about this fellow. Tried to become a good player-failed, a good captain-failed, a good commentator-failed with miserable results. He has blue syndrome. Sometimes you can see Ramiz frustrated when Pakistan performs badly as it did against India. Whenever Ganguly dives and fields, this fellow says tumbling effort. When Inzi does it he says, acrobatic. His yardsticks are not only different in size but also in shape. His punch line is, hold on to your breadth, meaty blow followed by aaaaaaaah.


Think Ramiz has great flair for pun. He inadvertently uses it and doesn’t even understand he’s doing it again and again. Check out his amazing use of “his”.


“Meaty blow by Gilchrist. Think something has come out of his bat.”


“His bat just slipped out”.


He’s in the all time list.


MAKE WAY FOR THE INDIANS


SANJAY MANJREKAR: -He is the partner in crime with Ramiz.He tries to be too unbiased and ends out giving atrocious comments. And believe me or not, for anything a fellow commentator says, Sanjay will blurt out, “Can’t agree with you more”.


His pronunciation of Taendulkar (oops, Tendulkar) is still a mystery. He tries hard to speak good English but miserably fails at that.


He has the amazing habit of doing a presentation ceremony where he literally never allows the captains or players to speak. So vast is his knowledge that he tries to analyze the problem & give solution without knowing that he is the problem.


IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO: -


ARUN LAL & MANINDER SINGH: -The two are inseparable properties of Indian commentary. When they are on a song, they go on a killing spree (literally). Wanna watch dumb and dumber live? Tune into any India match on DD. These two are capable of turning an adrenaline thriller into a full-length comedy. They are inventers of great words. Arun Lal invented “hooker”. Think he doesn’t bother learning a thing or two about words.


Arun Lal’s famous lines “His balls have been hit badly”? Gosh gimme a break.


Arun Lal and Maninder can just talk about anything, from insects to Rain with amazing ease. Maninder Blurts out “baarish tapakti huyi aa rahi hai” & Arun follows up “sahi kaha aapne Mani” as though we don’t know it’s pouring heavily. They get so immersed in it that they start describing the rain. They are exponents of Radio commentary on Television.


Once a ball starts going into to the outfield, Maninder starts his 100-meter sprint.


“Sehwag ball ke peeche daud rahe hai,slide karke pick-up kiya ,aur bowlers end ko throw maara,aur ye over throw,proper back-up nahi thee aur ek aur run mila Australia ke ballebazon ko”.Phew.


He is the owner of some sensational punch lines.


Guys, use this only with his permission. These are copyright stuff.


“Sensational shot to silly point”. Only Mani himself can play a sensational shot to a person standing two meters away.


“Three runs to third man”.


“Tendulkar taenduve ki tarah dive marke ball to lapacch liya”(what on hell was that)


“Well, Tony there is something unusual in the Pitch”


Tony: - Yeah, its grass.


This is a killer one. This is Mani’s classic till date. Mani snapped out when a delivery was bowled & logged in when they were showing a slow motion replay. Guess what he said “BAHUT ACHI SLOWER DELIVERY”(A very good slower ball).


There are many bad commentators from Sidhu to Krish Srikanth to Venkatesh Prasad to L.Siva. Sidhu is becoming tolerable and he sometimes does give good points.


Krish Srikanth thinks he is the super intelligent guy with the most perfect views. He has great foresight. “ Arre yaar, sachin guma guma ke marega”. “The match will be over in 40 overs”. I’ve lost count of the number of times he uses the words “Absolutely amazing”. Should be having him in the team as our foreteller.


You don’t hear Venky speak. He runs through his lines at speeds faster than shoaib’s delievery. He better improve his bowling speed first or else Kumble would catch up with him.


But when it comes down to that one single person, the king of them all, it has to be the matchless performer in field & off field. The award goes to MANINDER SINGH.


Ok, Arun ji don’t cry here is your consolation prize.



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