Boooooo Element. Review on Five Worst Bollywood Horror Movies

Have been really dying to write something intellectually as stimulating as this for a while. Hats off to the Ramsay (God only knows how many bros and sis make up this family) gang for churning out these delectable classics.

1) VEERANA: I'll begin my all time favorite (and supposedly a smash hit) 'Veerana'. The movie stars an extremely hot (and white) dudette 'don't recall her name unfortunately'. Anyways, the movie begins with the sightings of a 'thunder-thighed' beauty who as per the villagers is a 'Chudail'. The local thakur (Vijendra ghatke) doesn't believes this and decides to check out the whole affair himself and starts on that VEERANA road late in the evening hours. To his surprise (Pleasant I am sure), he finds the lustrous beauty right in the middle of the middle of the road for a pick up. Vijendra (holding on his saliva... admitedly me 2) stops his merc just in front of the dame. The dudette then takes him to her place in a Oh so Puraani haveli and prepares for the nasheeli raaat. all this while we shouldnt forget that Vijendra is very much aware of her credentials. Vijendra asks her to join him in the bath tub for some masti; which she wholeheartedly agrees to. After a good cleansing; Vejendra suddenly gets up and reveals his identity and tries to capture her with some tantra and locket. The chudail is captured and kept(or buried) in some tehkhana of some haveli. The maid Aruna Irani(not 2 sure though) takes out her body and begins her mantra etc. Then somehow the thakur's nience gets under the influence of this aatma and the real stuff starts when she grows up into a beautiful woman. She keeps on wandering in the VEERANA and behaves weirdly whenever she sees a macho figure. Man its more of porn than horror, and you guys will surely love it. Check out this new dame (the heroine). Never saw her thereafter though. I have this creepy movie a couple of times and don;t mind watching it again. An absolut classic.

2) Darwaaza

Perhaps the most famous of the Ramsay weavers. There was this speculation that the movie carried some sort of cash reward if one dared to see it alone. I am sure even now, people woudn't dare to venture out to see this movie in theatres. So this was again one picnic went awry stuff. Four adults (AHEM) set out for some picnic and the bloody vehicle breaks down or something and they are forced to stay back in some daak bungla (or was it some haveli again). But neverthless the body count keep on increasing after every reel and the monster is gheroed (don't remember why it was named 'Darwaaza'). But there were'nt any hot scenes in this flick if I remeber it correctly. Strictly for the FAINT HEARTED... (heart patients will actualy feel nicer after watching this monster movie)

3) Saamri

Was another stunner (a 3 D stunner actually). Saamri is a wealthy landlord, who is restricted to his wheelchair. Something happens and all of his relatives arrive at the same time to hep him out (virtually out of the world) in his mushkil ghadi. as per the plan, he is killed andthe wealth is equally distributed amongst his kins. Saamri's loyal bodyguard resurrects his soul (+ his disfigured body) to convert him into a living Zombie. Needless to say, that he butchers one and all. I remeber this flick cause it stars yesteryear's super villain Mr. Prem Chopra. He was actually decent in this flick. There were a couple of heroes and damsels and may be a rain song as well.

4) Bees Saal Baad

The best of the lot actually. It starred the sueprstar Rajesh khanna, farha, javed jafri, moon moon sen etc. Farha babe is in love with Mr. Khanna but is probably possessed with some aatma of the sultry Moon moon Sen. But the real scene stealer is our superstar Khanna. One has to see it to believe the hillarious groaning of our superstar; as he churns out his one mantra after another. More hillarious than Jaane bhi do yaaron; this movie was picked up for the Academy Awards (for the year 1987 if I am correct). An absolute shocker, this movie is still a research subject for many medical institutions for the sheer power of laughter it generates among the heart patients. A must watch for the medical fraternity! I am not really sure about the movie title and would be grateful if anybody corrects me on this.

5) PAAPI GUDIA

Another chocker of a stuff has been the absurd remake of the an equally(if not more) moronic Hollywood venture 'Child's Play'. In fact the Indian remake has been more widely appreciated than its original hollywood cousin. It stars the sexy Shakti Kapoor with the not so sexy protagonists (Karisma Kapoor was one of them). Shakti dies before transfering his soul in some gudia and the rest of the gem shows the histrionics of the gudia and the little angel boy (aah the real horror element). This masterpiece must also have been nominated at least in one category (best actress award for Shakti kapoor).

I am dying to watch another masterpiece called ''Cheekh'' but have been unable to find this stuff so far. Its an old classic and I'll be indebted if anybody passes on the whereabouts of this (SH)chocker.