Fire 'n Ice ,but not wet and wild. Review on Fire N Ice, Lower Parel, Mumbai

''Fire and ice'' - ''dude,if you havent been there,you havent really seen the best of clubbing in India.''Yup that is what I got to hear from my Mumbai friends.SO finally one cold wintery saturday night sometime back, when I was in bombay ,i landed inside this den,it wasnt so easy believe me.Afterall being a stranger in this Chowpatty land,and add to this the tag of a stag in clubber's world ,it isnt so easy to wink and slither past the bouncers here,who act as though they have Priety Zinta as their servant in their palatial villa in Dharavi.Yes,you can get to be an audience to Bharat Shah Bhai ,but not these goons. Infact the first golden rule of clubbing is always get friendly with the owners of the club,I mean the door keepers,and inside with the servers,to make your life easier.Okay,somehow,using the usual tricks ,tricked some long legged cinderalla ,infact she tricked me judging my eagerness standing out there ,got a free entry to her by burning a hole in my pocket.And after entering inside it was ciao-ciao,afterall you cant be seen around hanging with a socially-unknown celebrity like me in tinsel town , the belle as expected fizzled into the crowd hugging and blowing kisses in the wind,next aim of her maybe to lap up some Salman Khan and turn her fortunes around .In a way it was good riddance,else it would have been a costly one-night standof for sweet nothings,afterall you cant afford to stand with a glass of pepsi showing off to be some rum-based cocktail ,when you are with types of long legged Lady Di's who are so used to have nothing but champagne or martinis in a frilly olive bugged glasses.(what have they to loose,when some bakra is there to foot the charity bill).And add to these the cost of mocktails here ,phew,i was happy to be a stag that day,unless I was an invitee here .Loitering around after being rejected as a social outcast by those morons at the door,finding Naomi to regain my social status and getting in took me nearly 2 hours and it was nearly midnight.But I was in at the right time I suppose as all the chameleons of the metro seemed to be trickling sorry infact flocking in at this hour!!And after an hour or so ,wowie,the whole place was jampacked with flaunting noctural creatures- the jhaveri brothers, esctasy-drug peddler from Tanzania, gay activist, a desperate wannabe trying to show off in her fake-Versace figure hugging jeans infront of a Z-grade film director , a casinova answering loudly a call on his mobile ,did I hear him say from Lo(o)don, a tin-plated gold plastic faced Cher popping some saidon to douse her headache from the loud nasheeli music from Ibiza , a stud from Bandra pecking an awkward kiss on the cheeks of a NY-based desi Mariah Carey b(f)lushing pink with embrassment ,Lady marmalade clutching onto her micro-minis hoping someone can put her on page 3 in some tabloids the nextday,...the interesting party etiquettes goes on and on.The interiors was quite flamboyant ,yes I mean loud ,flashy ,multi-levelled infact I can just see the cieling overhead and blinking lights ,as at the ground level I can just feel legs and more legs(some legs were quite seductive,sexy,some needed a lot of toning,some oops this review is not supposed to be on legs right ?),and hardly any space for me to explore and soemtimes even choked me to stand-still,with my beer bottle above my head ,rasing toast to the crowd .There were some sofas thrown around ,but what is the fun to be seated when you have crowd stepping on your toes .Sangeet mehfil here really confused me and typical of Mumbai crowd ,totally pav-bhaji mix, atleast talking of the day I went , DJ was sometimes Bhangra,sometimes remixed Bollywood ,suddenly switching to club music ,hip-hop and finally settling down to some trance .Overall DJing is good but a bit disappointing,compared to the hype of this place,definitely not the numero uno in India ,DJ's in Goa beats this place hands down anyday .Finally making my way through the milling crowd and slipping out ,I spotted my gazelle,(remember the cinderalla I mentioned before), still searching for the prey.After lurching for some taxi returned back to my hotel, so this was it the mecca of clubbing ,but somehow didnt satiate the hype I had in my mind,crowd no doubt sexy,busty but not wild or crazy , screeching decibel level was perfect but the groove was slipping every now and then with DJ experimenting or satisfyting every kind of people out there .My verdict, good but not the ultimate clubbing experience.