May 14, 2015 09:38 PM
7358 Views
Synopsis : In a parallel universe inhabited by doped Anurag Kashyap, there might exist a decade where guns come from Capone’s America, gowns from ‘90s Miss Universe contests, goggles from ‘40s world War II Era, men’s clothes from ‘50s Europe, art-deco buildings from Fascist Italy, but alas, such a decade never existed. When you are supremely stupid like Anurag Kashyap or brain dead, same in this case, then you mix everything in a grinder and come up with Kafkasque ‘s borefest which is Bombay Velvet. Except some background music, this movie has nothing much to offer except ridiculous caricatures of characters from potboilers of yore.
Performances
Karan: We have Karan Johar playing some kind of early-age don rolled up as a newspaper owner a la Shah in Kohra. While Shah was masculine; effete Karan makes piecemeal of his role, being supremely untalented his cartoonish take on villainy is a sight to behold. Wearing ridiculous decade-confused, ill-fitting clothes, he simpers through his character. Dialogue delivery is produced with abundant display of teeth gum; as if he were snarling, unfortunately, also accompanied by a whinny sub-feminine voice. In some serious scenes, you will break out laughing. Karan Johar’s acting debut is an unmitigated failure of epic proportion. Given his temperament, a Maharani type of role of Sadak should have been tried. But, alas, I forget, Karan is a MONUMENTAL ZERO in front of Late Sadashiv ji.
Anushka plays Rosie, love interest of Ranbir in this slow-paced tedious track. There is no chemistry between the two. She could have copied some actress from ‘50s/’60s but, no, you need brains to copy too. LOL. Unfortunately, for Anushka, her lip job for PK is still evident. Her lips look like a Venus Fly trap plant. They open and snap shut like a frog. She wears Miss World / Miss Universe costumes with long trails and sings some soppy numbers. A Jazz singer in impoverished Bombay of ‘60s trilling lullabies in a set copied from the film Chicago! Makes sense! NOT! Anushka, too, fails badly. A resounding flop by Anushka.
Anushka: The person who decided Ranbir’s look should be fired. His hair is a mop making him look girly. He has uncanny resemblance to 7 UP’s cartoon. He plays some sort of a boxer, a character purloined from De Niro’s Taxi Driver. Pathetic is the word I would use for Ranbir. A promising start fettered away in wrong films. Despite possessing a modicum of talent, his role is the weakest in the film. He epitomizes a Chinless man. Though playing a boxer with dreams of becoming rich by hook or crook, the script doesn’t substantiate his longing. His acting is also very poor; his voice is a cross between Sanjay Dutt ‘s bhidu mannerism and junked up version of Amitabh ‘s Agnipaath. He is entirely unconvincing as Johnny Balraj. Though he tries to bring vulnerability into his role when interacting with Rosie, he manages to look amateurish. The wild kissing between the two may raise a pole or two in sexually frustrated Indian male but all it reminded me was a plumber using his pump to clear a clogged sewage pipe.
Ranbir: Bombay Velvet is one of the weakest film ever directed by Kashyap. Fault lies squarely with Karan and Ranbir and a tenuous script. The film looks like a kaleidoscope of poached references from at least a dozen of Hollywood scenes. 30s gangster capers, 40s styling, Chicago, Taxi Driver, Rambo were unabashedly referred to create a confused maze of soulless characters, dialogues that go nowhere, sub-plots like smuggling and some land-deal add to the pandemonium. It is a kitsch gone sour. A tribute to one’s ego and Anurag fails like no one has ever failed.
Box Office Verdict:
An opening of 10 crore is assured. Punjabi film critics will pay obeisance to this film because of their leader Karan. Racism in action.
