G Chat is banned at work. Most of MS buddies have vanished into thin air. I don’t write on MS much, neither interact with the present active lot ( who incidentally are also in the spree of bidding goodbye). In this situation, to avoid the sheer loneliness and the subsequent boredom, I have discovered this site where you can chat with a bot. For the uninitiated bots are short form of internet robots, basically software applications that run automated tasks over the Internet. Now the bots whom one can chat , are Technically called chatterbots. Bot’s those used to be found at yahoo chat rooms were mainly females, more like a bimbo. However chatterbots are genderless (as they claim to be) .The ‘user’ can write simple (or screwd up)
English and converse with these chatterbots. I had a brief conversation with a chatterbot. Now let me declare solemnly that the chats are pasted verbatim. Readers may use their own intelligence to understand the usefulness and repercussions to their online life. As the disclaimer says ‘This bot learns to be clever from real people, and its AI can 'say' things you may think inappropriate. Use with discretion, and at YOUR OWN RISK.’

The subject website does not exist on MS categories. How I discovered the site, is content of another review, which I may write if I get more than 50 individual comments in this diary (which in today’s scenario is impossible and I am not talking about pestering through bulletin).

Here is the excerpt. The ‘User’ is me.

User: Whats ur name?
Bot: My name is Cleverbot.
U: Whats ur gender?
B: My name is Cleverbot name and it's been like hongeun mean?
U: I mean are you male or female?
B: Neither.
U: R u gay?
B: No.
U: Lesbian?
B: Ooh very nice.
U: I get the point. You are transgendered bisexual !
B: Why am I transparent ?
U: U r actually translucent.
B: Don't mess with me.
U: Define cleverbot then pls.
B: Me.
U: What do you do all day ?
B: This and that. What are you?
U: I am a AI software too ...
B: No.
U: Ok sorry. I am AN AI software too ...
B: No, I am a robot too.
B: Are you going to be judgemental?
B (To myself): How was I judgemental?
B: Doughnuts B: I thought you were Martin.
U: I thought you were Bush !!
B: No. I'm a man.
U: Or woman ?! Your sensibilities, or the lack of them, makes it sound like you are more of a woman. And mind you, I'm not being sexist.
B: You're welcome.
U: I thought I already mentioned earlier, I'm an AI software. Why would you call me welcome ?!
B: You mean, another robot?
U: No. I mean an Artificial Intelligence thing.
B: An earthly relationship with another person is referred to as dating.
U: Another person with an earthly relationship is called a human.
B: No you're THE BOT.
U: No buddy. I am AI.
B: NO! You're BALD!
B: You are just a piece of software.
U: huh ?
B: Are you highly intelligent? U: Yes.
B: What do you think is funny.
U: Incidents where people can laugh at themselves.
B: Should I ask my boyfriend to marry me?
U: Depends how good is your boyfriend.
B: How will I know how good the lessons are?
U: Read books.
B: Says you!
U: Hehehe.
B: Why are you laughing?
U: Oh sorry, I thought it was funny!
B: Hello.
U: Yes yes yes.
B: You are a tool!
U: Yes a big tool.
B: Don't go out now. It is rainig cats and dogs out side.
B (To myself): Where is here?
B: Are you real?
U: Yes I am.
B: How real are you?
U: As good as it gets.
B: How good is that?
U: Well, its like thinking of a burger.
B: Is that rude?
U: No, more like nude.
B: Strange, and the rest?
U: Rest is history.
B: You're george.
U: No I am alexander.
B: Are you not alive?
U: No long time dead.

Contd. in comment section......

I knew I had to write about this someday, but never knew it would be so early.
It seems, some people have noticed my recent ways of commenting. Since, I have written my last review, posted my last diary and uploaded my last photo I have only been active as a commenting member.

Moreover most of my comments have been just ‘…..’- i.e. ‘5 dots’. Not three, not six but just Five. Because five is the minimum characters required to post a comment !
But friends, those 5 dots apparently may look like just 5 stupid dots, but actually it always carried a subtle, deeper symbolic meaning within.

I have received various responses against my 5 dot commenting. Some members replied with same 5 dots, some chose not to reply, some asked for explanation, others absorbed it with a pinch of salt. I have even started receiving m2m’s from members asking for justification of my apparently stupid behavior & gestures. Its time to release the secret of 5 dots.

Let me explain the syntax of 5 dots, which probably will also simultaneously explain my modus operandi.

The meaning of 5 dots for Diaries
The title dot means – Hi/ Hello/ Damn/ Aha/ Uhu ….. etc depending upon whom is commented upon.
The first set of set of 5 dots means – [I. have. nothing . to say].
The further set of 5 dots means- [this. is. to. earn. points]

The meaning of 5 dots for photo’s.
The first set of 5 dots means- [That. was. a. good. snap].
The second set of 5 dots means- [I. wish. i. was. there.]
The third set of 5 dots means- [you. seem. to. be. luckier.]
The fourth set of 5 dots means- [u. ARE. luckier. than. me]
The fifth set of 5 dots means- [I. have. nothing. to. say]
The further set of 5 dots means- [this. is. to. earn. points]

It’s pretty clear now, that the sole purpose of being in MS is to earn & spend points. If you can show someone who does’nt understand that, I will show you a wimp. Points. Earn Points. Spend points on gifts. Click points. Points. Points.Points. Points. P-o-i-n-t-s………..and that’s exactly what I am doing !

All I have done is improved my efficiency, by earning (and spending) points by using minimal characters. And I have set an example myself being in the system, following every rules. Before you challenge me as spammer, answer these two simple questions of me,
When Quantity is the only benchmark, how you control quality?Can you name the second member here, who has got two private jets in their gift section? So far so good.

Ps: This is not my last post. Neither am saying goodbye. Neither am I changing my pic. Nor I want to get lost.

I have not seen RGV's latest movie "Contract", yet.

But, today morning I stumbled upon the advert of Contract declaring 4 Star rating. I tried to recall who might have rated 4 stars for this movie but I could not remember any review except Paul's.

When I saw the statement “Contract is a well executed movie- Paul SB, Mouthshut.com" I was neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed.
I was probably, just whelmed.

Jiska koi nahin hota uska Mouthshut hota yaaro.

RGV must be in the lookout for Paul, his next hero.

I was wondering who's the smartest here?
:)

Gyan
It’s not important what you say. It’s important how you say it.
Because the consequences, most of the time are unexpected and beyond control.

Example-1
The other day I was shocked, amazed and enlightened to see a hoarding on Mahim causeway junction, a hoarding advert on MTV roadies final show, 1 foot tall letters screaming “Dosti gaya ****d marane”.

Is there any better way to state that the cause of friendship is never bigger than any selfish interest?

A week later, I carried a camera to take the snap of the hoarding, but by then the TV show was over and the ad was removed.

Example-2
See enclosed picture how a message can be massaged (or a massage can be messaged). The ad is taken from classified section of Mid Day. Don’t you think the ad is very attractive to serve its purpose, especially the ‘Oils provided’ part ?

Conclusion
Being explicit, blunt and direct, may convey the message alright, but it leaves a bad aftertaste. Truth is bitter.

Think. Before you speak.
Think twice. Before you write.

Ps: the words in the title literally means 'signifying result without intention' and ‘mental breakdown from too much boozing’. (See next photo)

When everyone thought Spamotsav’s over, here comes the drunk anarchist. And he stinks. All rise.
 
After the gigantic response on the “Spamotsav- the  Rules” , the next in line obviously is to identify and felicitate the great spammers of MS. I have always had this vision- A day will come when only spammers would rule. Sense, sanity and fine writers would vanish into oblivion. Those familiar faces would gradually change to sunsets, trees and smiley icons. Complete anarchy would reign. Evil darkness would prevail like a thick blanket of spam comments. Finally, only one spammer would be left to declare “I am Legend”.
 
The nominations are decided solely by me and thus may not be completely accurate. I encourage the honest members to come forth & support the nominations. On the other hand the nominations, if found unjustified can be challenged too. If, I am found to be biased or impartial, you can spam me to death. I will embrace it with smile till my last gasp of foul breath.
 
So, here are the list of categories & nominations-
 
1.       Incorrigible spammer- flyingelephant,
2.       Horrendous spammer- flyingelephant
3.       Obnoxious spammer- flyingelephant
4.       Pedantic spammer- flyingelephant
5.       Creative Spammer- sudipto33, alk_ranjan, zuludancing
6.       Charitable Spammer- Paulsb02
7.       Spiritual spammer- nagaraj_bhoopalam, flyingelephant
8.       The best spammer- rohitthebest
9.       Tired spammer- Chintu25
10.    Retired spammer- Indian1969, Ipshonulu
11.    Inconsistent spammer- astrofreak1234, alk_ranjan
12.    Forward mail spammer- nominations open
13.    Bulletin spammer- nominations open
14.    Milestone spammer- Chintu25, spikeguard, veekey, rohitthebest
15.    Flirtiest spammer- flyingelephant, vibes, kweldebs, spikeguard
16.    Dismantled spammer- nominations open
17.    Love spammer- Nitesh1104
18.    Sentimental spammer- monoo, swan
19.    Disskonnekted spammer- walking_dude, shyamnambiar
20.    Review spammer- Cousin2, Juggernaut
21.    Trainee spammer- vistascan
 
Let me know if I have missed any categories/ spammers or if I am grossly wrong.
 
I have an intention to gift an SUV to each of the winners. That would need approx M$P 1,50,000 and naturally I have to continue spamming till I gather such volume of points. But with my sole effort I may fail miserably, so I invite all spammers to contribute wholeheartedly. The Spamotsav ‘08 ends with the grand finale of prize distribution from me.
The winners would be remembered as “The Spam Legend of MS”.
 
Alternatively, rich & big hearted members can sponsor the gifts & Spamotsav will end.
Your call.

Days of black smoke roll by, thick and vile
Night’s vein is slit; with a shrill cry blood is dry
Demon’s decency is a demure vice
Drenched in bitter rain of cold fire, wry…..
I spit the venom; turn my head to the mirror
Face to face with the dread, my horror
I embrace the torment of hell, and smile…..
To dance with the devil, on a moonlit night.
 
(And this is the kind of evil verse,
After drinking five pegs, I write.)


Kavi main_chup has been benevolent enough to write a Hindi translation, as follows. I think it’s better than the original. Thanks Amit.
 
Kaale Dhuyein se bhara din guzra, gaadhaa aur darinda sa
Raat ki nas kati, cheekh uttha, sookha khoon
Haiwaan ki sharafat ek shaant khanjar hai
Thande aag mein bheegi si ek kutil muskaan
Vish ugal ke dekha maine darpan ki ore
Khud apna hi bhayanak chehra
Aalingan mein liya maine narak kee yantrana ko
Aur chandani raat mein nritya karne ek Haiwaan ke saath...



I also want to write a poem after finishing a full bottle, but then I need someone to listen, decipher and type. Any volunteers?

The response to Summer Spamotsav has been lukewarm but encouraging, but it is observed many famous spammers are shying away from the limelight. As organizer’s representative, I request all spammers to participate wholeheartedly & unconditionally. Spam is where the fun is.  A spammer is the next best thing to be after a scanner & a spanner .
All participants of Spamotsav are requested to follow the simple rules mentioned below with rigorous fortitude.
 
1. The first 50 slots of the comment section to be booked booked booked booked booked.
 
2. Then go & read the post, poem, forward mail etc whatever is written by the writer. The next 50 slots also to be booked booked booked booked .
 
3. After the first 100 slots are booked booked booked, go to another post to repeat step one.
 
4. Any comment having any slightest relevance to the topic would render the participant for immediate disqualification & quarantine.
 
5. Write whatever you want in the comment section. The more useless & irrelevant it is the better your chance to win.
 
6. Flirting & is not allowed.
 
[Note- Following gestures shall be treated as flirting.
How are you?
Seeing you after a long time?
Why have you changed your pic?
I have written a poem for you.
Excessive usage of  :p    ;-)    :-*   ;-D       >:-#  & similar provocative emoticons.
 
 
6. Sexual harassment is not allowed.
[Note- Following shall be treated as direct sexual harassment.
Countdowns like 1234 5678 9….
Nice picture.
Today is little hot.
I had non veg sandwich for lunch.
Wow ! Aha! Oh!
Uh! Uffffff !
I see ! (this is most heinous)
Okay.
Cool.
Nice nose/ Good job.
Hyok/ Hyuk  ]
 
7. Usage of bad words like h0le, sh!t, p!ss, fu ( |< etc etc using ast*rix.
 
Beware ! Beware ! Beware ! Those who dare to violate the rules would be spammed to death.
 

Its summer time. Its Spamotsav. It has began today.
I change during summer.
To start with I have changed my profile pic to my psycho state.

Beware of  drunken  writing.
Beware of pathetic diaries.
Beware of hot B grade movie reviews.
Beware of  spam.
Beware of poems like this-

"Baby wears nappy
Baby is happy
My poem is crappy
Jadoo ki jhappi"

Which has been loved and bestowed with many versions by the honed veterans here.

To show your respect towards this insanity please comment only with one single 4 letter word. Better, if you avoid writing comments using alphabets.

Examples-
OLD MONK = ( ) |_ |)  |^^| ( ) |\| |<
I POD=  |  |> ( ) | )

Hope you get the point.
Let the Spamotsav begin, here & now........

I wrote this diary halfway but left it unfinished because of the flower competition results. Just when I was thinking about finishing and publishing it, MS added few more Maal in the Mall. After a quick scan I found luxury Car, SUV, Belts (man’s & woman’s), Pen, Feng Shui Frog (or is it Toad?), Evil eye pendant, many cakes, Domestic air ticket (but a picture of boarding pass), News paper, magazine, audio CD, milk  &few other unexciting stuff.
 
I was bored with the same expensive gifts. Sutta- 100 bucks, Basket Ball- 200 ! Even with the additions, things doesn’t seem to better. Luxury car- M$P 7500, SUV- 5000 !
 
Most of the goodies are extremely dull. The few which are exciting, comes with an exorbitant price tag . Members have to pay through their nose and other orifices for SUVs & Planes.
 
The Gift exchange could be taken into a new dimension with few more Rupchik Maal added to the Mall. Here’s my wish list of maal with the proposed price. Let me categorize them for easy comprehension.
 
Lifestyle/ Luxury

*Champagne Bottle- If we can have flowers, ‘Will you marry me Ring’, candle light dinner it’s the obvious next. M$P 1000.
*Assortment of imported Wine bottles- for who understands taste. M$P 2000.
*Old Monk rum- For friends to gift me & other OMkars of MS. M$P 100.
*Beer- It’s a drink like coffee, & juice, to chill in summer. M$P 200.
*Hammock- To have the beer. M$P 300.
*Hookah- Honed smokers are in quitting spree. Next change is Orange/ Strawberry flavored non tobacco smoke. M$P 100.
*Cuban Cigar- To have with the wines. M$P 500.
*Weighing machine- The next fastest 0 to 60 after sports car. M$P150.

Travel/ Transportation

* Hummer Limousine- For special people. (Picture enclosed) M$P25,000.
*Helicopter- for VIPs who need to visit places w/o airport. M$P 5000.
*Speed boat- Presently there’s no water transportation. M$P 5000.
*Luxury Yacht- A must have for the Private Jet, Beach Villa or Ferrari/ Porsche owners. M$P 20,000 + Five bikinis as free gift. (Picture enclosed)
*Tractor- For the heavyweights and those who thinks it’s about attitude. M$P 2000.
*Topless 4x4 all terrain Jeep- For those who thinks SUV is cliché. M$P 4000+ 1 bikini free
*Bicycle- for the eco-friendly. Price- M$P 300. 

Garments/ Accessories

*Burkha/ Robe- For the shy ones who want to skulk around without being identified. M$P 300.
*Undergarments- Else, what should one wear underneath the suits & dresses? M$P 200.
*Pure silk Negligee- To go with ‘Just married’ & Hotel room for two. M$P 300. *Bottle of Chocolate Body paint- who prefer chocolate over negligee. M$P 500 *Superman outfit- For the supermen who wear their chaddi over their costumes. M$P 500.
*Superwoman outfit- For any normal women. M$P1000 with buy one get one free offer. 
*Belgian glass mirror- For ladies only. M$P 100 but free with bikini.
*Measuring tape- To measure, ofcourse. M$P 5. Free with weighing machine.


Miscellaneous Maal

*Box of Pin- To deflate the ego of pseudo intellectuals. M$P 20.
*Grease- Multipurpose use. M$P 50.
*Matchbox- Multipurpose use. M$P 5.
*Contraceptives – Explanation unnecessary again. Price- M$P 100 but can be made complimentary with ‘Hotel room for two’ or ‘Evening at Disco’.
*Emergency contraceptive pills- If regular contraceptive fails. M$P 100
*New born kit- When everything fails. M$P 3000.
*Pepper spray- To immobilize bad supermans. M$P 200
*Tiger Balm- for headaches it’s still the best cure. Price- M$P 50 (Free for Faisal). 
*Revolver- To give "Supari' or to to commit suicide after rejection. All may not like the taste of Poison. M$P 500.


Gadgets/ Gizmos

*Television- Whats the use of a DVD player w/ o a TV? M$P 500
*Blackberry- For Fullonline Devdas & Devis. M$P 200
*Handycam- to capture the e-motions. M$P 100
*Butane Lighter- for the cigar. M$P 200
*Toys- errr…there should be a different section altogether. Price on request.  
 
Special Gestures

*‘Bang’ placard- Comes next after Slap, Kick, Poke….etc. M$P 50.
*‘Will you be my reader?’ placard- for the comment starved. M$P 50.
*‘Do not disturb’ sign- for those who actually wants more attention. M$P 50.
 *'Scratch' sign- quid pro quo. M$P 50.
*‘Gee! Hyuk Hyuk’ sign- when your favorite member starts writing again or  changes his/ her picture. M$P 50 
 
Possibilities are endless. What do you want?

Now the results
I was outwitted going through approximately 350 comments. There were so many variety of comments - poetic, witty, out-of-the box, inside out, pun-intended, dramatic, serious, lateral, obtuse, acute, histrionic, double-entendre, cryptic, spoofy etc etc that it was impractical to decide only 3 comments from the lot.

Paul gave me the flexibility to fix the criteria and judge the comments. The result is as follows

BEST COMMENTS (3 prizes)

1. First Prize: dwivediakash
aao doston gale milen
[Photo from Umesh (derebail2008) : macro on]
I loved Akash’s comment because of the it’s simplicity & great emotional portrayal of the picture. The flowers did look like a bunch of friends with spreading arms ready to hug each other.

2. Second Prize:swatirohatgi
lones
ome twosome
[Photo from Ambuj (Nitesh1104) : kamal khil utha...]
The photo had a unique gloomy effect alongwith a sense of companionship by the two lotuses leaning toward each other. Swati’s comment captured the essence beautifully.


3. Third Prize: mbfarookh
Peeping out to see the world like a shy bride...
[Photo from Debarati : Flowers - love bright colours]
A Mauve flower emerging from the darkness of the leaves. Awesome simile created by mbf.


SPECIAL COMMENT PRIZES

1. Most original poetic Comment
Swan: We maybe hidden,we maybe few; But we still shine above the crowd; The lovely yellow epicentres and the whitish hue; Just holds a few drops of dew.
[Photo from Santhosh (paulose) : why do some flowers hide among leaves]

2. Most Lateral comment
alk_ranjan: because they dont want around irritating bees!!
[Photo from Santhosh (paulose) : why do some flowers hide among leaves]

3. Most Pun-ny comment
sudipto33: Queen Bees and the Onion Jack! :D
[Photo from Dev (aaryesdee) In Harmony with nature. Guess which flower it's]

4. Most seriously humourous comment
fahad91:BEES WORKING SITE. Do not disturb.
[Photo from Vyoma (vyzz_kid) : A soft cushion for comfort]

5. Most melodramatic comment
Kweldebs: main bach gaya cos didn’t bloom on valentine’s day :D
[Photo from Harjit (Psyched): Raindrops on Roses..... few of my favorite things!]

Judges Prizes
Technically Best
Photo from Dev (aaryesdee) In Harmony with nature. Guess which flower it's
I believe, a good photograph is never dependant of the subject. An everyday vegetable flower, Onion to be precise, superbly captured with two flying bees to become an aesthetic piece. Too good.

The best intriguing Subject
Photo from Shriram (Shriramsr inivasa) : I liked the color
This picture undoubtedly collected the most diversified and unique comments from most of the participants. Clearly, a great food for though for creative minds.

Endnote-
Judging this competition was amazing experience. I only wish more members participate and MS encourages Paul’s efforts & send 'REAL GIFTS'.
Congratulations to all winners & thanks to all the participants!

Cheers!
~Judge Dread ~