its my mood, four days past the terror attack, not getting out of the gloomy feel..
more time passed ..and more the frustration coming in.

what bothering to me here is my own state of mind ..
because when i first heard of attack i was'nt shocked...
..neither i felt jubilient when terrorists were flushed off.

when folks around watched TV and discussed, my response was to smile back plainely ...as if, i only want to say 'yes, i heard what you just commented' . i dint had my say when all were talking. and now..?..?!

i am not able to come out of it.
wish i would have remarked then, wish i would have scolded our politicians
as all others did..
wish i would have made speculations over number of terrorists and hostages inside as most of my people did.
..why i dint do it then. i would have been cleared off whole shi* out of my mind then.

i never expected myself sh***ing around my frustration on the blogs.. but, here i am doing it.
..just to save myself getting burst !

i am writing diary because..
my mind is full of rubbles of thoughts .. thoughts.. thoughts.. none of my thoughts am able to discard as rubbish though !
how i wish .. to chop these rubbles off into regular pieces of thoughts and construct something good!

either its about our politicians, or our intelligence, or may be entire system that we follow, or education, or our up-bringing .... something somewhere is missing.

the way we look at such an attack,
the way we condem it,
the way we except it, and then the way we work on it,
the way we tend to forget it,
the way we use it,
the way we refer to it ...now its time to change everything.
...and to change, there is urgent need to know what is wrong exactly. Together we have to do it, if doing alone seems difficult. It's high time we surpassed human tolerance and turning into dead-logs.

one thought again and again coming on the surface of this whirlpool is..
"....is that all about wrong people at wrong places..??!"

oh man ! ..stop thinking for now !