Warning: The following post is dark, vague, abusive, way too below the belt, full of bad words and not appropriate for infants, 11 year olds, morons in the age group of 18 – 20 (or thereabouts), illogical nth degree e-relatives (e-baap, e-bhai, e-bahin, e-beta etc.) and all of those pompous self appointed apostles of righteousness who find the word ‘naked’ traumatisingly offensive. If such people read further, they stand the risk of getting
their precious egos inexorably tormented in the days to come.

THE STORY SO FAR…..

‘Someone’ called me ‘Fcuker’ the last weekend.

‘Everyone’ noticed.

‘Anyone’ could have objected.

Just ‘No one’ had the guts.

Come on, I too didn’t feel particularly measly becaz I have always known ‘someone’ as a good fren of mine (some spiritual words like becaz and fren have been picked up from recently posted gargatuan philosophies). Yes, ‘someone’ was a rosy dude, or so I have assumed, perhaps erroneously. Now, since frenship is supposed to be all about flaunting your bona fide colours and being true to your naked ideals, I took the comment to be reflective of ‘someone’s’ overwhelming desire of being immortalised as a loyal buddy. Don’t they say in English “a fren in nude is a fren in dyed (wool)”? Moreover, as everyone will vouch for it; ‘someone’ is widely believed to be an exceedingly polite, good natured and well mannered altruist with an overwhelming penchant for renouncing worldly possessions at the drop of a hat. Perhaps he was in a hurry this time, otherwise he’d have certainly asked for a polite permission “Excuse me Sirji, can I call you a Fcuker?”

To be brutally honest, I liked the whole idea. The word ‘Fcuker’ is not at all a bad word as it appears to be. See, everyone’s read the post, but hardly anyone’s objected! The more I pondered the more I realised that perhaps this business of being called a Fcuker was the best thing that has happened to me ever since I joined Mouthshut. This ethereal revelation cleansed my guts, dissolved my soul and moistened my eyes (shut up, it was not rain!). Fcuker se mera sir ooncha ho gaya!I mean, isn’t this fantastic? Fcuker is simply about the feeling of legitimate pride! All those who are someone’s bumchums must be feeling terribly proud of him.

We shall continue this discussion. For now I have professional commitments to abide by.

‘Someone’ just cannot call me a Fcuker and walk away unscathed. Some lines must never be crossed. All those who have abated the cover up shall now face the music. Today is Judgement Day. And I am prepared to waltz with the Gods of Annihilation in the Circle of Death.

‘No One’…are you with me?