Dear Sir
Please find enclosed my application form for change of MS ID. My current Nome dé plume, which I consider to be no more than a ghastly cauliflower among exotic roses, a raucous crow among melodic nightingales or even a fat, lethargic and dim-witted gnu among a pack of lissom and sexy springbucks, has been a source of infinite embarrassment for me all these years. To be honest, I am utterly ashamed of my e-lineage. My ID was the unfortunate result of an awful indiscretion committed at the dead of the night right in my bedroom. That thrilling moment (I nearly quiver in excitement even now when I think of that romp), there were only the two of us locked eye to eye – that’s me and Mouthshut, with a flimsy laptop barely thrust in between (and offering no protection really). I admit that in my hurry to enjoy the delicious fruits of consensual union, I became reckless and negligent, and entirely forgot about using the standard precautions. Moreover, those were the heydays, I was terribly excited, and my lust blinded me (its true love now, by the way). See, I was young and inexperienced, and had no idea of the intricate mysteries of e-nonsensexuality, whatever that means. I wanted to create something phenomenal that began with ‘Su’, I even toyed for quite a while with  Su…Su…Su…, but when all my endeavours resulted in nothing more substantial than my going to the susu thrice in two hours, I gave up and settled for Sudipto33. 33 was the size of…no, not my waist…it was my age then. I am Sudipto_little_less_than_35 now, but that’s certainly not what I want my new ID to be. Well, it was not before long that I realised the magnitude of my blunder, but there was nothing that I could really do to retract that momentous lapse of August 2006.

Sir, the point I want to make here is that this is the story of a zillion young men and women, and maybe of an equal number of extraordinarily passionate middle aged and senior citizens who wish to throw off the agonizing burden of their insipid IDs, and emerge from the shadows of humiliation and ignominy in the form and shape of a new avatar. Its time we all collectively realised that a boring ID is nothing less than a national disgrace. It’s rather a matter of profound international concern. Let’s now resolve to make the world a better place by casting off those dull follies of uncultivated youth and slip into something that is posh, cool, progressive, and preferably environment friendly (like, say even in the worse case scenario, green_house_fart is a far better and interesting ID than sudipto33, sndaya or shyamnambiar).

There is no doubt in my moronic mind that this is a historic moment we are witnessing. The winds of change are evident.
Perestroika and Glasnost!
A moment delayed is a moment lost….
The time’s cometh to break the frost!
And all this comes for hardly any cost!!!

Its time the Management dons the mantle of the Pied Pepper and leads us out into the brave new world of crossover IDs. At the same time I exhort all my brethren (and sistren?) in MS to disclose their duplicate IDs voluntarily. Identity evasion is a worse crime than tax evasion. It’s really nastier than that obscene act you call Sudoku (like they say in the papers…xyz was abducted by three men and brutally sudokued for three hours!). Moreover, duplicate IDs are like black money. You can generate a lot of sh*t with a fake ID but can’t wash anything openly, or to your heart’s content. When the crisis comes, you won’t find even a small piece of tissue pepper to erase your posterity…I mean to erase your past. Trust me, such IDs usually have an extraordinarily short half life. Moreover, as a humungous member with a mammoth fan following claims, you can not remember all the passwords. Even I do not remember how many I have. I mean I do not remember how many IDs I have all along suspected of being duplicates!

Once again, I urge the Management here not to be distracted by statements delivered by elitist forces whose only wish is to remain exclusive. Why only the Madhuris, and why not the SriDevis, the Jayas, the Hemas, the Rekhas, the Dimples, the Helens and the Tuntuns of Mollywood? Who’s gonna listen to the sprayers …eaww! Yet again! I meant prayers….yes, who’s gonna listen to the prayers of us lesser mortals if not you…..??

There are so many exciting blue chip IDs lying around, waiting to be lapped up. Oye_chup, Disgruntled_brigand, soxx, snakegourd, winking_dude, Fullon(line)Devi (FE’s contri),  Dive_high, Poll_sb02, musicalslammer, Filter_pepper, Arch_rival, Aam_dummy, Same_name_beer, mb_fork, If_shown_lu, Stupido33, fondlingelephant, Yawn_gel25, Amma_sure_abe, Tree_viewer, Viki_pediatric, IQ_na_batata, Engine1969, Essen(tial)_diya, Feasable, par_ek_minor, bill_the_booze, JK47, Ilk_romp_zone, and_so_on...

Holi hai