We keep using this phrase day in and day out in our lives because at every moment in different parts of the world, somebody or the other is offending someone else and once the offence is made, then it boils down to if the concerned parties want to make up or not. If you think carefully more often than not, people do make up, at least sort of. Maybe more on one party's terms than the other's in some cases but invariably most of us reach some kind of settlement. And that is because we value normalcy of relations with others, being social animals unless experiencing intense emotions which normally doesn't last long.

So, how does that happen? That brings us to the subject of "forgive and forget". All of us as human beings have the attribute of kindness, basically our ability to be generous to others, to be able to empathise or sympathise with others. According to my understanding, that together with our inherent tendency to try and bring things back to normal is what leads to the act of 'forgving'. Because no one really wants any bitterness by choice.

But not all of us forgive completely, otherwise there would be virtually no altercation at all between people of this world. That is why we have terms called 'compromise' and so on coming into the equation. The reasons for why we don't forget completely can be broadly classified into 2 categories, one is "all of us are not equally kind" and more importantly "we don't really forget anything".

Let us emphasize on the latter point as that is under question here. Our memory stores facts and we relate these to form some logic. Based on this logic we have our respective logical trusts. But when this logic is defied and trust is no longer there, the information is still there in our memory. That is why forgiving completely can be difficult. Because we never really 'forget'. Think about it, if your good friend of ten years suddenly deceives you, would you be able to ignore such a huge development or change? No!

However, over a period of time we can form a new logical trust of the same subject that led to the feud and that can re-establish our logical trust by means of new pleasant memories of the same subject which had once been bitter. If the new pleasant memories are significantly comforting enough, that is when we have phrases like "patching up" and "forgving completely" coming to the fore which we commonly refer to as "forgive and forget". But "forgive and forget" literally by itself does not hold much meaning in my opinion.

You know I used to be a person who used to believe in the earlier part of my life that we only achieve according to the effort we put in and our respective abilities. With time however, things happened which sort of changed my mind about this.

I started thinking, if that is so then why do we have situations when we put in so much effort to do something we are suited for, and then end up failing? On the other hand, we have the opposite situation, when we just casually do something, with no application, no knowledge, no related skills and suddenly achieve so much. All of us experience this at one time or the other. Or you may have a situation that you prepare a lot for something and then end up failing but when you try the same thing later with little preparation and what is apparently not a special performance, suddenly you realise you've succeeded. Some call it luck.

But I think luck is nothing but another name for destiny. It's just that we somehow get more intimidated by the term 'destiny'. It is unnerving to think that there is something which is not under our control as all of us like to be in control all the time. The term 'destiny' has that extra 'epic' feel about it. 'Luck' on the other hand, although essentially meaning the same is something we habitually take more casually and just accept resignedly, because we already for some reason are more willing to accept its existence as part and parcel of life. Most of us are more circumspect or hesitant when it comes to accepting the term 'destiny' though.

Some people say there is 'destiny' and then there is 'hard work' too. Just if you leave it to 'destiny', nothing will happen. True, but what if we are working hard only because we are destined to do so and not destined to laze around.

To adduce the same, we may have come across situations when we felt something is beyond us, that we cannot do it. So we don't put effort into it and hence we don't achieve. The same thing after five years have passed, we may suddenly decide ok I'm going to do it. Make no mistake, it's not that the person has gained more ability in these 5 years. I'm not talking about that. But after 5 years suddenly one may feel that one needs to do it. And on trying, the person succeeds. With the same ability, but after 5 years! So, arises the question why didn't the person try 5 years ago? Surely if one could do it five years hence with the same knowledge and ability, one could also do it, five years before. But it probably wasn't his time. Maybe.....it was his destiny to achieve what he did when he did.

That is where I feel, destiny comes in. Some people would say, the concerned person didn't have the right motivation or dedication 5 years ago. Yes, maybe it was so but why was it so, if the person had the same ability and preparation even then? Maybe he was simply destined to feel so? Or maybe he had everything going but there were other obstacles he needed to overcome first and by the time he overcame them, it was 5 years? Which again brings us back to "things happening for people when it is the right time for them". And maybe there is something called 'destiny' which asertains this "right time".

At least, I have felt that way, at times. Guess we'll never know the truth of it! ;)

We generally don't give the term 'acceptance' the credit it deserves. But if you think about it there probably wouldn't be another more inveterate feature of our lives. Hardly anything else matches to the importance it holds for us.

Whichever walk of life you notice, people are working hard towards feeling accepted by others. It could be work, it could simply be your friend or your wife even. All we are basically wanting, is to be accepted for who we are, what our work is, what our abilities are. Even 'appreciation' is secondary to this. That is a bonus. But 'acceptance' is like a basic necessity generally unspoken of.

Think about it. We could think we are great. We are special. We are exceptional. But as long as the world doesn't see it that way, or at least partly so one's mind can never really be at rest and cannot convince itself of its own notions until they are corroborated by external parties. They say, "You are only as good as people around you think you are", which is nothing but addressing the issue of acceptance from a different angle.

Therein also lies one of the reasons why we are considered essentially social animals and not solitary creatures. We need to associate with others and we need to feel accepted by others. And generally none of us ever happy with who each of us is, because we feel we haven't been accepted by others to the desired degree in a given aspect of our lives. That's just how life works, interestingly!

"Not having time" is a bit of an excuse, I feel. We all make time for the things we want to do or we feel, are needed to be done by priority. But it us who decide in the end, which ones we have to do. If you really want to do something, that becomes your priority and therefore you have time for that and you don't, for the ones which are not your priority.

So, effectively one could say "having time" is "making time". And actually we do have time for the things which are most important to us. "Not having time" is like an excuse like the term 'sorry'. Just by saying it, we often act as if that is supposed to compensate for our actions, but it is hardly so in actuality, more often than not.

There are times when we actually believe that it is not so. We are not doing something because we really don't have time. But somewhere at the back of the mind we know that what we are doing is important to a bigger picture which we might not admit openly. That's why we are doing it instead of something which we are apparently openly admitting to want but it isn't necessarily what is most important to us at that instant.

Trust is a very dicey virtue. It essentially means the degree of ease one feels towards the expectancy from something or someone. The more the ease, the more trust we supposedly have. How much we feel at ease is mostly attributed to our minds and like all things dependent on our mental disposition, trust is no exception. It is typically fragile by nature as well.

There is a logical and an emotional dimension to it. You may feel you trust someone very deeply, which is because by experience you have come to expect something palpable and plausible from one or from a certain activity. That is logical trust. An emotional trust is when we we visualize things subjectively and instinctively and there is concrete basis for our apparent trust. And because we generally never evaluate if our trust is emotional or logical, we are unable to predict the course it will take.

Come to think of it "taking someone for granted" or "something for granted" are subsets of what we know to be 'trust'. Yet, the 2 mentioned phrases are generally implied as negative connotations whereas trust is a broader term which can be used in the positive or negative context. Obviously, we take certain things for granted because we know what to expect from it, which in turn is because we trust it. :)

Leaving these peculiarities aside, let's dwell a bit on the fragility of trust. One could have the utmost trust in something, but it is in the end, our perception. And perception like we all know is subject to change all the time. I could trust my pet dog with my life. But after 5 years of good behavior, if he suddenly bites me out of the blue, the trust goes for a toss. Similarly, if your wife cheats on you after ten years of a happily married life, the trust fades within moments. Same is the case of friendship or understanding of several things in day to day life. A digression from the personal expectations or the usual blows our trust away, as then we become unsure of what to expect and we always fear what we don't know or comprehend.

Trust is effectively a mental stockade we create for ourselves in the confines of which most of us feel secure. Evidently, it is more important to those of us with a multitude of insecurities, conscious or subconscious, I feel. Those with lesser inhibitions tend to be more venturesome and trust is not a big issue for them because they are more willing to take on the unknown, in general. That is 'trust' in a nutshell.

Believe it or not, it is true! The so called mannerisms that we create for ourselves may earn us a title of 'mature' if followed religiously, but that's where the story ends. Because more often than not in making an honest effort to be termed 'mature', you're not being yourself. Or put in a different way, you are not being honest with third parties in presenting your true complete self. So, basically you're being a hypocrite. And there lies the fun.

The thing is as we grow up, we may change in ways adults should change (what is supposed to be maturity) but all of us have our share of idiosyncrasies, and no one changes completely. If that were the case, then a given set of people would be likely to not like each other after say, a decade. In practicality though it doesn't happen. All of us have a bit of our 'childhood version' in us. And our earlier acquaintances relate with that to associate with us and use it as a benchmark to appreciate our adult version.

I've seen it happen so many times. With friends in Junior School. Friends of Senior School. Friends of College. Friends at work. And no doubt it will continue to be so. But, we all have set some norms in every society which is taken to be sacrosanct. Any divagation from it will raise eyebrows as that is what we have been brought up to believe. And it is because we are wary of this, we often try to be something we are not, and end up messing up images and relationships.

But will maintaining this two-sidedness always result in abject failure? The answer is NO. There are two types of people in this world - some who are good actors in life and some who are not so god at it. Those who are good actors might succeed in being labelled 'mature' without being termed a hypocrite. But those who fall into the latter category, surely at some point or the other end up with egg on their faces. As far as I have seen, most of us belong to the latter category and are living our lives day in and day out, constantly whipsawed by these dilemmas. What we choose to be is obviously only upto ourselves! ;)

It is my experience that people by nature, tend to love themselves the most. Doesn't matter what the reality is, the subject of "I" is of prime importance to everyone.

Someone may appreciate you for what you are today, but if the same person gets a chance to somehow promote him/herself to an adequate extent, the same person may emabark on a deriding quest to depict himself superior to you, irrespective of how accurate or inaccurate that may be.

Friends - are they exempt from this sentiment? Depends on the person who is a friend, and what your definition of friend is."Friend" is a dicey term - it is often used in general to refer to anyone who is currently on amicable terms with you. It is only when that relaion is put to the test in due course of time, do we actually understand another's degree of friendship or potential to be a friend.

So, if your definition of "friend" is very liberal, you may find that they are not exempt from this aspect of life and if the definition is very exacting, you may actually find a few who may be exceptions to this rule. "Friend", it must be kept in mind is a relationship dictated by match of mental wavelengths and not blood bonds hence it is naturally more fragile and vulnerable.

In a way, I don't blame anybody for the same because they say, "Man is a selfish being." And I feel it is so as the above thoughts corroborate. If you think about it, trying to prove to yourself or others that you are superior in what you do or are, is directly connected to your confidence as a person. Most human beings indulge in it at some point in their lives, some in a mild manner and some in an agressive manner.

Am back after 2.5 years I guess. Things are very different in my life right now from when I was last active here. And MS seems to have changed too, in more ways than one.

That includes the regular visitors! The usual suspects seem to have disappeared for various reasons. This is a multipurpose site now, not only about reviews. It has both a personal facet now and also it somewhat serves as a networking site, it would seem. I guess this will take some time getting used to - the new layout and the new people and the relatively newer things to do around here. :)