I have been getting this hallucinations lately- that I am getting older, people seems to be mocking at my inabilities and I do not see any flavor in anything I do. I see no difference between a Robot and I.
My age seems to be on a progressive mode, each day seeming to be an year and I am biologically 38 years old, but i wanted to be less wrinkled in the face and hand, more stamina and enthu towards life. I wish I could be Meryl Streep in Death Becomes her- only the part where she gets hold of the magic age-reversing potion!

Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love

Thus began the hunt. Do I feel happy to wake up early morning to start a fresh day at work? Do I admire the boss and look upon him as my ideal? Do I like my colleagues? Am I waiting for a role change? Am I active on job search?
The answer does not come as easily as a cooked product by adding all proper ingredients in the oven.
Is success only reserved to our performance at career? What about all our energies going towards making personal life a better one? Are things accounted on the many battles we win and lose at home front? All the turmoil of making home a peaceful place is taken for granted? I sometimes consider career as a lesser evil as against to the personal life. Fighting against odds, being a responsible spouse and parent, taking care of ailing parents is no doubt an Oscar winning performance, each day!
Yet our mindset is inclined towards career seeing that as the only lifeline without which we are all doomed. Who would want to be a proud father or a proud spouse when he is not capable of keeping a job and leading a worthless life?
Life is a hot-air balloon. We should try to have hold of it against breeze or serenity and sail through challenges and ups and downs, with equal zest. I hope all agree that one day we should not die a wasted life.
I wish peace could be measured with all its simplicity! I found peace listening to a great music this morning and found peace reading Alchemist (14th time!!) last night. I lose it moment I get a call from my spouse hearing about an issue at home or a pressing need for my action at work place. I am seeking it through meditation and by exercise but mostly in ain. I guess I would attain nirvana when I say “I am at peace, totally”!!!

Somewhere between the procrastination and the homework.. and the incessant forwards and the friendships and the calls to each other complaining about Crushes and BF/GF!! Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends and the " I miss you's ", the "I love you's " and“What are we doing tonight's?" And all of the changing and growing...Somewhere between the classes and the skipping Classes ...and the Studying for tests ...and to "study" for tests. .. And the downright not studying for Tests... I forgot--I forgot what school was all about.
Somewhere between all the appointments, star bucks coffee, and Mc Donald's... paying bills and then not paying bills...Making plans then breaking plans... Appearing, Disappearing, then reappearing ... I forgot--I forgot what it was like to cry. I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy... And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.. I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future... I forgot that you can't control falling in love.. And that you can't make yourself fall in love.... I learned that I can love... I learned that it's okay to mess up.... And it's okay to ask for help!And it’s okay to feel like crap... I learned its okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day........ I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have and the things that you look for are right in front of you. I learned that the greatest thing about high school and college and the working world it isn't about the parties or the Drinking or the Hookups ...
It's the Friendship, which means taking chances. I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about... I learned that TIME and LOVE can heal all things... I learned that just when you think it can't get worse - it does! ...but with the love and support of friends - you survive ... I've learned that when you start feeling Bad about losing touch and about those that you've lost ! They too, are feeling the same way....

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked, sat before the computer, and started typing, XYZ,
I am looking into the report and will send the files before EOD.

Very recently, traveling to and fro electronic city and home has given me less wrath and more solace to my Self, revealing itself, emotionally and historically. Children crossing the road, Moms at the super market yelling at their kids for having picked a cracker without her approval, my doting son imagining that one need not have to bother about money because there is a money disperser handy (he still has not understood savings account!)- all these show me the changing world of myself, my parents and grandparents, and the subsequent direction of my life which is a continuation of those days and the upheavals of that time when I was a Kid. Like in most families, my parents wanted to show me that each of their parents are better than the other and we were made to bow at their feet, take their blessings. Like always, my Mom won this race and eventually I was shuffled off to my maternal parents’ house for my studies. My parents lived away from town and keeping my comfort and happiness in mind, I was made to live at 93, Ashoka Street. My father was a busy person, managing about 50 men at a BEL and my mom was a school teacher until my younger brother was brought into this world. I seemed happy and normal, but the retro journey provides insight into what it means to travel between grandparents and parents house every holiday, how the imbalance between these two worlds affects a person’s thinking and feeling, and how these thinking are manifested in personal and social sphere, over time.
I was never a burden to anybody. My relationship with my father was rather terse but I habituated to avoid any discord after few initial turbulences. My Mom was one person who did not blink when I demanded material things which were beyond comprehensions in most cases. Aren’t all Moms? Yes, she still is. Probably she tries to give all the time and energy to my son, who is taken care by her, spending more time with her than with his parents! But I feel he is in safe hands. I remember once when I reached her place she had carried my 3 month old son even to the loo to visit the loo fearing he may tumble from the cot!
I saw my mother in my grandmother and even addressed her as “Mom”. She taught me to let things settle on its own in one’s life. Of course, there is a loss involved in this process. One forgets to fight for an object of desire, thriving on the philosophy that if it means to reach you, it does. She was one authentic thing, you know. I left her place when I was 17 and my memories are still strong. She stood near the picket fenced wall waving at me and the thick glasses she wore made tears look really huge. I resisted so hard going back to her. My journey there after took a different pattern. My graduation and post-grad research kept me away from her physically but on and off she wanted me to inject her insulin, test her blood glucose level. That was her way of pulling me toward her, on the pretext of falling sick. I was naïve to the extent of calling myself ignorant- had I known her intentions, I would have done things that could make her happy.
The delight of sitting next to her while she threaded flowers in the portico, sitting on the kitchen slab while she asked me to taste her dishes to see if she has added salt appropriately, her tightened jaw when she was in pain due to her arthritis are still fresh and hardly can be separated from my everyday thoughts of her.
I saw death at every stage of my growing years, especially my uncle, my grand father, left gaping hole in my grand mother’s life and she cursed her fate more often than necessary.
Last time I saw her alive was in the ICU. She was reduced to a sparrow like creature and she did not move a muscle when I touched her. Yet, I remember seeing drops of tears flowing toward the pillow from her eyes. She said a silent good-bye to me.
I initially believed I should not keep anything that reminded of her. Her Glasses, nail-cutter, comb, unused nasal drop fillers were all tucked in my ward robe but I owe her my very existence as a human being. I still can’t imagine she has left me and do not want to think that I am mentally-scrawny, orphan person.

To Love and Win is the best things;
To love and lose, the next best.
- William M Thackeray

The important thing was to love
rather than to be loved.
- W Somerset Maugham

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
- Samuel Butler

I love you, for not what you are,
But for what I am, when I am with you.
- Roy Croft

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Josh Billings

Is that Love I see in your eyes,
or merely a reflection of mine?

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.
- Alexandar Woolcott

No one can make you inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

My concept behind JAM is that --- When you have a hectic day ahead of you, spend just a minute early in the morning by reading an interesting quote or statement and relish it the whole day ... I've been doing this over the last few years and the number's over 1900 ... here's to sharing such wonderful one liners with you day in and day out, I also enjoy the discussions with friends on these, so feel free to write back about any....

___________________________
_______________________________
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Jessop: You want answers?
Kaffe: I want the truth.
Jessop: You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! …

Tell me how much can you handle the truth? n what is your truth? 

ps: n yes, you can guess the movie name too!! :-)

Excellence has no finishing line... There is always a better way!

Come on, define excellence....???

 

Trea
t ego like your shadow - if someone hurts it, it doesn't affect you!

now, what do you think of it?

 

Ambition is either a servant or a master. The trick is to know which it is in your life....

n ur answer is ????

 

Define love.... in your own words!

your thoughts n feelings please?

 

Sticking to your values will not always make the road easy, but it will make you a stronger person for having traveled the tougher route!!

I would luv to hear your thoughts on this...

 

If you put fences around people, you get sheep. Give people the room they need................William McKnight  

What say you to this?

 

When you have ears to hear a bird in song, you don't need to look at its credentials

Come on.. reply n write them.. :-)

 

Hmmm.. Now, how true can this statement, popularly called Comin's Law, really be??? What say you?

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

 

The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do!

 

It's difficult to become successful, it's difficult to be successful...you just have to choose your difficulty!

now, how difficult is that???

 

Trust   should   be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air, he laughs.....because he knows you will catch him........ That’s Trust............

The greatest enemy of creativity is not the lack of talent but the presence of the fear of being criticized!!

Every once in a while, as I think of those who're ungrateful to my help and rude to me.... this helps me to smile and continue doing what I do....

It is difficult to give away kindness....
It keeps coming back to you!

Hope that we always have the strength to give..

It is what we think we know already that often prevents us from learning.
So, what is it that you think you already know??