The 'I'm-the-King-of-Kondalampatti Klutch'.

Equivalent to pissing on territory and therefore normally used to fix who is the dominant male in this part of the jungle. At the sight of a threat, shoot out leg (always backwards), kick dhoti (always upwards) and instead of folding the whole thing up around loins, just hold up one end (sometimes both if the threat is severe) in hand to part the dhoti like the waters of the Red Sea and make way for two hairy (hopefully), muscular (hopefully), mard-key-bacchey legs which will then proceed to walk all over everybody. In days of yore, this was much more effective when done striding through paddy fields with a minion scurrying behind holding aloft a huge black umbrella to protect your beautiful black complexion from being ruined by the sun.



The Gird-of-the-Loin.

Used before the commencement of anything from climbing a coconut tree to signing that corporate merger. (Also very useful while riding anything with two wheels “ other than a woman.. that is.) It signals that you're now open for and mean business. A variation the 'B. Bhootalingam Draw', minus all the thunder and lightning and how high you fold the dhoti is determined by the complexity and seriousness of the task at hand. (WARNING: To be deployed without underwear only when unaware of presence of polite/female company and/or when answering an urgent call of nature.)

Which leaves us with just a couple of unanswered questions.

The first - if the Southie's dhoti spends so much of its time aping a miniskirt, what comes to mind is a question that has so often haunted humanity about the Scottish kilt. What lies underneath!

What underwear?

Well let's just say that it has never been Venky's secret. Because the Southie, never knowing how high his dhoti may ride, chooses his under-the-dhoti-wear remembering the Girl Scout motto.. "Be prepared". Hence the popular choice, despite the invasion of the briefer VIP or the even more dashing Jockey - continues to be what is called "drayers" - knee-length kacchas in dashing stripes or shorts in basic khaki “ covering all matters that must remain private no matter what your dhoti may do in public. And the second question is ...you know what they say about the Southie's dhoti - that it's like a coconut, known to fall off but no one has ever seen one do so.

So the third question is - how does it stay up?

There are many whispered rumours. (And there are those who have been known to use a belt, but they are charlatans really, shunned and denounced by the real 'Makappuswamis'). Some say that it is coffee, strong enough to put the hair on your chest and keep your dhoti on. Some say a daily dose of rice and buttermilk, enough to just distend your stomach to the required rotundity. Others say it's 'avvakai pickle', hot enough to sear your dhoti ......



The truth is no one knows.
My bet?
Testosterone.. ;)

I received this as a forward…….i could not hold on to this for long…so here u go… A brilliant eulogy ..



The Southie's dhoti and how to rattle it (Or how to diddle your 'mundu')

Other men gird their loins, Southie men gird their dhotis.

Underestimated by the rest of the world as a mere garment, a foolish extension of the loincloth, it's only the Southie male who knows that the dhoti can be much, much more.

(Bringing to mind the opening line of Love Story. "What do you say about a one-and-a-half-metre tundu?.")

Well to start with, the Southie's dhoti is a piece of minimalist art. No clumsy acres of cloth to be feverishly gathered and pleated, no frenzied crawling between and around the legs. Just a pithy bit of pristine whiteness, enough to go around the waist once, with some left over for the two ends to overlap - barely. It's also a free spirit, secured by just one firm tuck at the waist, the rest left to hang free, unrestrained.

Because the Southie knows that a dhoti is not just something to wear; but to wield much the way a skunk does his stink or a bimbo her cleavage.

And so as Time dawned on mankind (somewhere between Mohenjo and Daro), the art of 'dhoti rattling' came to be, the art of how to swagger, strut, scare, conquer and tame - all with a piece of cotton as bland as your granny's 'khichdi'.

Which is why, like Sharon Stone's hemline, the Southie's dhoti is built to have the unfettered freedom to rise or fall, fold over or flap across, even cleave open to lay bare the magnificence of Southie machismo.

Naturally, this means that the Southie dhoti spends very little time being at full length - i.e. modestly covering its wearer from waist to toe - and a lot of its time being folded up to reveal calves, knees, thighs (and sometimes ..gasp! even more) depending on how things are going! You can see the tip of the 'ice berg' sometime. You must look beyond that and look for the 'Titanic' that follows....

Now before you leap to any rash conclusions about the Southie male's secret exhibitionist tendencies ("we'd have never guessed with all that 'Vibhuti'!") let me tell you that without knowing how and when to fold or unfold your dhoti (while wearing it, naturally!) there's no way you can rattle it. (Nor diddle your 'mundu'.) It's a bit like trying to wrestle without a partner or to tango without feet.

And depending on your dexterity and timing, you can deploy your dhoti to play popular male sports like mine-is-bigger-than-yours, my-daddy-can-beat-up-your-dadd
y-not-to-mention-what-he-can-do
-to-your-mummy and you-can-take-it-and-stick-it-u
p-you-know-where.

Needless to say, the art of dhoti rattling has been stitched into the Southie's Y chromosome and there was a time when every good Southie boy worth his weight in 'mulgai podi' learnt it much before he learnt how to manage 'rasam' on a banana leaf.

Alas, with the invasion of the pant and the pyjama, it's now a dying art in the cities, but is still alive and well where paddy is lush, the coconut tender, the jack fruit ripens like prickly pregnant hippos and the air is laced with the fragrance of black hair gently wallowing in coconut oil.

Now though it is said that there are as many ways of diddling a dhoti (or wiggling your 'veshti'), as there are recipes to make your idli batter rise, here are the few basic moves common to all schools.



The Buffalo Bhoothalingam Draw (Inspired by the Bucking-Bronco Kick.)

Used to answer the Call of the Testosterone. And when the call comes, to the swelling of the chest and the quivering of the moustache, (maybe even the clash of a few cymbals), in one lightning motion, you shoot out a leg backwards to kick the lower end of the dhoti upwards into a waiting hand. And before anyone can say 'Karaikudi Kunjukunju Mudaliar', the dhoti will lie trussed up at loin level and you are all set to defend the honour of gramam, gotram or garage mechanic. Can be accompanied by dialogues like "Yenna da, rascal!" or even 'Poda Patti' (Go away you Dog - to replace the belligerent Punjabi words like BC/MC) or words to that effect. But the more stylish practitioners prefer to let the dhoti do all the talking. If your dhoti is already folded up, just go in reverse. Make sure that when you unfold it, you don't yank the whole damn thing off. It requires years of practice to know and find the location of that little bit of dhoti that will do the trick.

MEN!!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his Sweatshirt..
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied.
'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' IOWA STATE ! '
And they say blondes are dumb....

----------------------------
-------------------------------
-----

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you........
---------------
-------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------------
-------------------------
Q: What do you
call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
---------------------
----------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death..
AMEN

----------------------------
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be
men.
-----------------------
---------------------------

Q: What do you
call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy..
-------------
-------------------------------
-
Q: What does it
mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-------------------
-----------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they
are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
--------------------
-----------------------
Q: How do you
keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the
email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

" WAQT NAHI "

Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.



Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi .. ( 100% fact)

Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi..
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.........

Recommendations for Use of Surgical Masks and Respirators
In community and home settings, the use of facemasks and respirators generally
are not recommended. However, for certain circumstances as described in Table 1,
a facemask or respirator may be considered, specifically for persons at increased
risk of severe illness from influenza. In the occupational healthcare setting,
respiratory protection is recommended.
Groups at Higher Risk for Severe Illness from Novel Influenza A (H1N1) Infection:
· Children and adolescents (younger than 18 years) who are receiving longterm
aspirin therapy and who might be at risk for experiencing Reye
syndrome after influenza virus infection
· Pregnant women
· Adults and children who have asthma, chronic pulmonary, cardiovascular,
hepatic, hematological, neurologic, neuromuscular, or metabolic disorders
such as diabetes;
· Immunosuppressed State
Table. CDC Interim Recommendations for Facemask and Respirator Use for
Home, Community, and Occupational Settings for Non-Ill Persons to Prevent
Infection with Novel H1N1
Setting Persons not at increased risk
of severe illness from
influenza
(Non-high risk persons)
Persons at increased risk of
severe illness from influenza
(High-Risk Persons)
Community
No novel H1N1 in
community
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Novel H1N1 in community:
not crowded setting
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Home
Caregiver to person with
influenza-like illness
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Avoid being caregiver. If
unavoidable, use facemask or
respirator
Other household members
in home
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Occupational (non-health care)
No novel H1N1 in
community
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Facemask/respirator not
recommended
Novel H1N1 in community Facemask/respirator not
recommended but could be
considered under certain
circumstances*
Facemask/respirator not
recommended but could be
considered under certain
circumstances*
* For specific work activities that involve contact with patient who is (or suspected to be) suffering from Swine Flu or influenzalike
illness, such as escorting a patient, providing assistance to a patient etc.
Preventive Measures for Swine Flu
In areas with confirmed human cases of novel influenza A (H1N1) virus infection,
the risk for infection can be reduced through a combination of actions. No single
action will provide complete protection, but an approach combining the following
steps can help decrease the likelihood of transmission. These are Universal
Precaution measures for any airborne respiratory infections.
1. Stay home if you are sick
2. Wash your hands frequently with soap and water
3. Avoid touching your nose, mouth and eyes.
4. Cover your cough and sneezes with a tissue or cough into your upper sleeve.
5. Cover your Nose/Mouth if anyone around is coughing/sneezing.
6. Avoid shaking hands and always wash your hands after physical contact with
others.
7. Keep frequently touched surfaces clean (telephone, desks, office equipments
etc)
8. Limit unnecessary visitors.
9. Maintain a healthy lifestyle; attention to rest, diet, and exercise and
relaxation helps maintain good physical and emotional heath.
10. Avoid crowded places where risk of transmission of any airborne infection is
high.
11. Avoid unnecessary travel to Swine Flu affected destinations.
12. If one has Flu like symptoms and suspect that there has been contact with
Swine Flu patient, then contact the Doctor immediately.
13. Fore more Information on Swine Flu, log on to the Ministry of Health, Govt.
of India site: http://mohfw.nic.in/SWINEFLU.h
tm. Information about Nodal
Centers all over the country is available on this Site.
References & further reading:
http://mohfw.nic.in/SWINEFLU.ht
m.
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/mask
s.htm
http://www.who.int/csr/disease/
swineflu/en/
Follow Universal Health Hygiene Precautions to Prevent Transmission of Diseases.

How effective are masks against H1N1 virus?
With rumor mills spinning all sorts of news about swine flu, people have become
extremely worried and panic stricken about the causes and consequences of what is
being repeatedly referred to as a deadly epidemic. With more and more people
using masks in the wake of the H1N1 flu scare in the city, there is an urgent need
to educate people about the types of masks needed to be used, used by whom,
correct procedure to be followed in using them.
Surgical Masks and Respirators
The effectiveness of facemasks and respirators for decreasing the risk of
influenza infection in community settings is extremely limited. Thus, it is difficult
to assess their potential effectiveness in decreasing the risk of novel influenza A
(H1N1) virus transmission in these settings.
Surgical masks and respirators may be used to protect the respiratory tract from
viruses, bacteria, and fungi transmitted through direct contamination or through
inhalation of organisms in the air.
Surgical Masks
Masks that provide protection against pathogens carried by
large respiratory droplets are commonly used by surgeon —
are:
· Designed to cover the mouth and nose loosely
· Usually strapped behind the head
· Made of soft materials and are comfortable to wear
Respirators
Respiratory filtering devices that provide protection against inhalation of small and
large airborne particles are called respirators. A particulate respirator is worn on
the face and fits tightly to cover the nose and mouth. It
should fulfill following:
· Fit closely to form a tight seal over the mouth and nose
· Must be fit-tested and adjusted to one’s face
· Must be safely removed and discarded
The respirators most commonly used in hospitals is N-95 respirator.
Some reasons why” Face Masks” are not recommended for prevention
of H1N1.
Ø The surgical masks being used most commonly are mostly single-layered and
have pores in them which are big enough for the virus to get in. These can be
effective against seasonal flu, not for H1N1.
Ø "In fact, a three-layered mask made of thin cloth is one of the most
effective masks in the absence of the N95 variety. Also, people do not
realize that the disposable masks are meant to be disposed of after one use.
Cloth masks or even handkerchiefs, on the other hand, can be washed and
used again.
Ø Masks do not do their best work in protecting the wearer, but stop virusladen
droplets from people coughing or sneezing, they can help stop those
who are infected from spreading the disease to others.
Ø "Suspected or confirmed patients need to wear face mask so that it acts as
a barrier to virus-containing droplets that are expelled during coughing,
sneezing, talking and the spread of infection is reduced. Health care
workers who attend these patients need special respirators' which filter
viruses.
Ø In community and home settings, the use of face masks and respirators are
not recommended. "However, for certain circumstances, a face mask or
respirator may be considered, specifically for persons at increased risk of
severe illness from influenza A or for medical workers who cannot avoid
close contact with persons with influenza-like illness
Ø If the face masks are used for over four hours and more, the moisture
produced in your mask is perfect for bacteria and viruses, and may be a
recipe for disaster.
Ø Excessive use of mask can increase chance of infection due to piling up of
bio-medical waste that would facilitate the spreading of the H1N1 virus.

Dad used to give us pocket money Rs. 20/- per month,
in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,
but we were able to save too!!!
Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea
where it goes, let alone saving it!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!
One project since we joined
and just one manager!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
We used to make notes;
we used to study for ranks!!
Now we scan thru our mails;
we struggle for our ratings!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
We have still not forgotten the people
in the next section!!!
Now we don't even know who sits
in the next cubicle!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
After getting back from a tiring play,
we used to do our home work!!
Now who knows/cares about home;
all we do is just work!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
We knew our history and economics!!
Now let alone reading books,
we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
-------------------------------
---------------------------
We had an aim in life;
behind our backs we had our teachers!!
Now we have no idea about the
future nor do we find any
one who would tell us anything!!!
Now just ask yourself,
which was better,
the former or the latter????

This Too Shall Pass *

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, ” Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in
every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat
and every victory? One answer for all questions? Something which can helpme when none of you is available to
advise me? Tell me is there any mantra?”


All the wise men were puzzled by the King’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an
old man suggested something which appealled to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something
written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out ofcuriosity. Only in extreme danger, when
the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under
his Diamond ring.


Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The
King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King
found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky
valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished…and he could not return because it was a
small road…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless. There seemed to be
no way.
Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the
ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was - ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS”
The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes ! This too will pass. Only a few days ago, I
was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today,the Kingdom and all his pleasure have
gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. Like those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will
pass. A calm came on his face. He kept standing there. The place where hewas standing was full of natural
beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part ofhis Kingdom.


The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a
few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy comingwas receding. They moved into some
other part of the mountains and were near him.


The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his
empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fanfare. The whole capital was
rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in afestive mood. Flowers were being showered on King from every
house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the
bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me. With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego
emerging in him.


Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded himof the message. He open it and read it
again: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”.


He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.
If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a
watcher. Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes.
Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.


Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. This too will pass. Think of the
moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent ? They
all come and pass away.


Life just passes away. There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change.
Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all
defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because
nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away.


You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoythe present moment - this too shall pass!

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She
said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered
"How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love
with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO
anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about
the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO
YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's
the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or
even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria
of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It
lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with
someone else. You could..
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation
a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to
"make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the
labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable...you can "make" love..
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice
AMEN!!!

He is the GOD of POP.....for me....I am going to mISS him ..I just cant stop sobbing MAN....JACKO...U will be remembered for all the best compositions you gave us....U r the best MAN!!..
I just hope your legacy continues..But who can match U man?
Why on earth did u just leave us like this...?
To make Earth/world a better place?
U will remain in my heart forever..
I Love u MJ
May you find eternal peace...and now is the time for the GODS to dance to ya tune!!!..
May your soul rest in peace!!!
AMEN!!