This has got to be one of the cleverest emails I've received in awhile...
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE



PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN



MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT



THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS



SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S



A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:



MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Sharing with you a joke from my mail box
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school
with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dadwith a ten million dollar check saying:
"Stop embarrassing us!
go and get yourself a train too!"

Two Tough Questions



Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.



Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A. Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps untilnoon , used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, and then scroll down for the reply.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---



To find the answers. Scroll down, please.



Answer to Question No. 1
If your answer to the abortion question:

Is YES . . . .. . . you just killed



Beethoven
the GREAT musician



Answer to Question No. 2
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam "What his leadership philosophy is?".
Hesays that, "it is to surround himself with intelligent people".
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam.. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question:
"Yourmother has a child,and your father has a child,
andthis child is not your brother or sister.Who is it?"
Manmohan.immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
>
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides
he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally,
in desperation,
Rice calls
Colin Powell



and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust,"Wrong,
.
it's Manmohan Singh!"

Needless to mention its a forwrded message.I am not talented enough to write such beautiful remix...


This is 3 idiots songs remix…. For all working people….


Saari umr hum
office mein mar gaye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
jeene do
Saari umr hum
office mein mar gaye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
jeene do
Na na na....Na na na....Na na na....Na na nana na....
Give me some flight
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Give me some flight
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Kandhon ko laptop
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
Client se jhoot bolna tho khud
Manager ne sikhaya
4.5 ya 5 rating laaoge to chhuti, varna kismat futi
Kaam kar kar ke pada Ungaliyon pe
REVIEW, SCREEN aur REWORK ka chaala
Is Project ne to sala poora..
Poora bheja pakka daala
Career to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
jeene do jeene do
Career to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
jeene do jeene do
Saari umr hum
office main jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
jeene do
Na na na....Na na na....Na na na....Na na nana na....
Give me some flight
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Give me some flight
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Na na na....Na na na....Na na na....Na na nana na

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meaning are brought together:


1) Clearly misunderstood


2) Exact Estimate


3) Small Crowd


4) Act Naturally


5) Found Missing


6) Fully Empty


7) Pretty ugly


8) Seriously funny


9) Only choice


10) Original copies



And the Mother of all......


.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
11) Happily Married

In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!
India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment). Cricket season might push films out of the market.
Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.
One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition. He said "Have breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.
—Dr. Y. L. R. Moorthi is a professor at the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore. He is an M.Tech from Indian Institute of Technology, Madras and a post graduate in management from IIM, Bangalore.

Just came across of a nice article from Dr.YLR Moorthi, Professor of IIM B
Who sells the largest number of cameras in India?
Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones.
Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sony’s and Canons are taking note.
Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).
Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.
Nokia confessed that they all but missed the Smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's I phone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails?
The "Mahabharata" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?"
Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."
In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.

Marwari: What's the rate of the banana?
Shopkeeper: 1 Rupee..
Marwari: Will you give it for 60 paise ?
Shopkeeper: Only the cover.
Marwari: Take 40 paise, keep the cover and
give me the rest..

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Marwari falls from the 14th floor...
While falling he sees his wife from his
kitchen window, preparing food....
he shouted:Do not prepare for meeeee....
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Marwari called a newspaper office and
asked: My uncle is dead and I want a condolence to be printed.. What are the charges?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word..
Marwari: Oh!!! Too much... Anyway write,
"Uncle Dead"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 5 words!
Marwari: Oh ho! Let me think... Ok write,
"Uncle Dead, Maruti for sale"

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There was a Marwari too aboard the sinking Titanic. He was laughing while the ship was sinking.His friend asked: Why are you laughing?
Marwari: Thank God I didn't buy the return ticket....

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control... If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:

This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly:

Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:

An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile . Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:

Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Why cry over spilt milk?