This is an ode to my favourite character, Chandni in the movie ‘Silsila’. It does not matter that the movie was a commercial flop.  The point is that Rekha who played the role of Chandni looked as lovely and bewitching as an apsara in that movie. And absolutely no lady that I have ever seen has ever come even close to her mesmerizing beauty.

Long black hair hanging down her back in rich waves, pouty ruby red lips, big, vulnerable eyes and a tall, willowy figure – that as the essence of Chandni, AB’s beautiful lover.  Her dressing sense was simply breath-taking - Pastel colored, chiffon saris draped enigmatically with pearls around her long, swan like neck. Offwhite, Cream colored fabrics, sometimes baby-pink, sometimes peach. Soothing colors of sensuality and innocence. Magnetic and alluring, never jarring to the eyes.

All the bright reds and green and even some mousy browns were given to the wife, Jaya Bachchan to wear. Jaya looked, as per the requirements of her role, sophisticated and almost matronly, in total contrast with the dew drop-like Rekha. 

Not only was her look amazingly beautiful, but Chandni had this uncertain, hesitant way of walking that reflected her feminine confusion on being pulled into an exciting but forbidden affair with the tall, handsome AB. Her voice was husky and yet at the same time, sounded like it was dipped in honey. The deep breaths before and after she spoke every sentence just added to her mystery.

My favorite scene in the movie is when AB meets Rekha after years in a parking lot. Determined to fob off his advances and yet in love with him desperately, she whispers ‘I hate you’ to him. Then she whispers it again. And yet again. All AB does is take her into his arms as she breaks into tears. Watch the terrific chemistry between them as she sobs in his arms. There is no need for explanations. You know that this is a very powerful moment when everything ceases to exist – everything, except love. The moment is grim and tense – there is no explosive joy that one comes to expect with lovers uniting. You know that this is the beginning – and not the end.   

My only complaint is that though Chandni was a beautiful woman but nowhere did she display a strong character. As she croons ‘Tu badan hai, main hoon chhaya’, she is just a exotic shadow that follows AB. She does not complain when he leaves her to marry another woman, agrees to an extra-marital affair readily when he proposes and does not even protest much when he leaves her yet again, to be with his long-suffering wife. How I wish she had taken her own decisions and made her own boundaries. Beauty without strength is truly a waste.

Yet, full marks to Rekha for effortlessly looking like the seductive mistress, and still managing to look innocent enough to make you feel like protecting her against the unforgiving world.

I know that its wonderful to be a high flying career woman and all that. Yes, I have heard that woman empowerment is important and women have to be financially independent and stuff like that. I agree with all that.  And that is why I find myself, running up and down the whole day, juggling home and work, all too efficiently and sometimes, all too superficially.

I am always in a rush – I have to catch meetings, give lectures, send and receive orders, make sure my kids finish their homework, keep appointments at work…list goes on. I wish I had a moment, just to do nothing at all, maybe just to stare at the blue skies and sigh contentedly.

Let’s face it, I long for the kind of life my mother had when she was at my age.

I remember the clean, beautiful look of my childhood home when my mother had finished cleaning it........the whistle of the pressure cooker which signaled the preparation of dal-chawal........the sounds of Vivid Bharti on the radio set, the voice of Lata Mangeshkar singing ‘Mere Piya ka ghar hai ye, rani hoon main, raani hoon ghar ki’ which my mother would hum along,..........the anticipation of my father’s home coming from his office........the ‘lets make some tea’ plans.........the smell of the pakoras frying........the green chutney which my mother made..........the aam ka achar drying in the sun outside… I miss all that.

When I was a child, I had thought that my future life would mirror my mother’s but it was my mother who was very determined that my life should be different. She had her own reasons to feel that way. She made sure that I was very serious about my career and would single mindedly pursue it. I feel the same way for my children too. I love my parents and that is why I am doing exactly what they had in mind for me. I have two children, a wonderful husband, a career of my parents’ dreams – there is nothing to complain about.

However, sometimes, there is a moment when I pause to stop in my busy life and remember the sound of ‘Mere Piya ka ghar hai ye’ and wish I had been born some sixty years back when the pace of a woman’s life was slower…

........when she could close the doors against the cold, harsh world, when  she could look at a shining, clean home proudly, put on the radio, take out some embroidery and sing along ‘Mere Piya ka ghar hai ye, rani hoon main, raani hoon ghar ki…..’